Page 3 | 3rd baby gender

Spinachandrice · 2023-02-13T12:52:17+00:00

I am trying to figure out if I want the gender or the child, if that makes sense. Those of you that went for the third, was it because you were not satisfied with the gender of your first two kids? If the genders of your first two kids were different would you still want a third? I am just trying to figure out what need pushes me to want another. For reference we have a girl and a boy but I would always want two girls!

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SirChenjins · 16/02/2023 16:54

Carlycat · 16/02/2023 16:43

It's sex not gender. Language is important 🙄

So glad someone said this!

Original poster

Spinachandrice · 16/02/2023 20:12

Sorry what is the difference between sex and gender?

I mean they say “gender reveal” , not “sex reveal”.

It’s a genuine question as I am not originally from the Uk

OP posts:

SirChenjins · 16/02/2023 20:21

Sex is what you are at birth - male or female. Gender is based on social constructs - so expectations around behaviours, roles, that kind of thing. You cannot change sex.

‘Gender reveal parties’ are misnomers - your baby will either be born male or female, so they should probably be called ‘guess the sex of our baby party’. People get funny about the word ‘sex’ though.

Original poster

Spinachandrice · 16/02/2023 20:29

SirChenjins · 16/02/2023 20:21

Sex is what you are at birth - male or female. Gender is based on social constructs - so expectations around behaviours, roles, that kind of thing. You cannot change sex.

‘Gender reveal parties’ are misnomers - your baby will either be born male or female, so they should probably be called ‘guess the sex of our baby party’. People get funny about the word ‘sex’ though.

Oh good to know! Thanks

OP posts:

somuchtolearnabout · 17/02/2023 03:20

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Omg I would love 3 girls! That’s a dream to me and the best scenario of all!

Are you serious? You're essentially saying you wish your son was a girl.

WombatsAndGumTrees · 17/02/2023 04:10

I had a large family because I wanted a large family. Me and my DH didn't care about the sex. By the time I had three I had at least one of each and went on to have more because I wanted more children, not a specific type of child. Unless you'd be happy with a third of the same sex, I wouldn't have another for that reason alone.

crew2022 · 17/02/2023 04:23

I had one of each and wanted a third. However I originally wanted four but decided I only really wanted a fourth of it was a girl so stopped at three.

Auliza · 17/02/2023 04:47

We had 2 sons and wanted another baby. Gender didn’t matter at all, we just wanted a healthy baby. We had a girl - I must admit that it’s lovely to have a girl also but I would have felt the same way should she have been another boy.

The comments from people drove me insane to a point that I got really got short in my response. “Now you have your girl”, “I bet you’re over the moon you’ve got a girl” “were you trying for a girl?”

Codlingmoths · 17/02/2023 05:29

We had two sons and were always going to have a 3rd. I did hope for a girl but I expected a boy, I think statistically that was more likely? Anyway I got a girl and to be honest I’d love a 4th but I don’t think Dh was. I would love for her to have a sister although i think another boy would also create balance in the family, either would be fine.

JumbledE · 19/02/2023 07:10

Only have a third if you genuinely want a third baby, regardless of the sex. I have two beautiful little boys and I’m expecting no.3 and I will be delighted if it is another boy! (Equally delighted if it is a girl). As for saying girls tend to be closer to family, my husband is very close to his family so I think that’s a bit of a stereotype. 😬

Perfect28 · 19/02/2023 07:13

I really don't understand these posts. You have absolutely no idea how that child will live their life, express or define themselves. Suggesting you want a girl to 'talk about clothes' or some other stereotyped nonsense is worrying. How about we don't impose such ideas on children not yet born?

musicandpassion · 19/02/2023 07:36

My sister wanted a girl. Her first child was a boy, so she tried again. She got another boy. Then another, then another. You could tell the disappointment every single time. Now she has 4 sons and isn't fully happy with them. If one of her first or second child was a girl, boys 3&4 would never have been born.
Me and my sister do not get on one little bit. Sometimes I wonder how we had the same upbringing as we are so vastly different. We certainly don't have the stereotypical sister relationship.

I have two children with my exH. I would like a third with my DH to make our family feel complete, regardless of sex. However, he doesn't want children and I know it wouldn't be the best idea for our family unit or financially.

You have to look at it from all angles. Will a third child fit in with our family properly? Would our current children like and get on with another sibling? Can we afford it properly? Would our children have to share rooms? Would we have to move in the future? Would we have to buy a new car? Am I just doing this because I want another girl? What if they don't have the relationship I have with my sister? Would that bother me? What if it was a boy? Would I be disappointed? What if DH left? Could I cope with 3 alone?
There's so much to having another baby than just picking out girly clothes.

Paturday · 19/02/2023 07:42

OP wants daughter to have a sister, but doesn’t care if son doesn’t have a brother? Weird thinking IMO.

OP we had 2 boys and wanted a third kid. I knew the chances of a third being a boy were high (I think once you’ve had 2 of the same there’s a slight increase in the same again due to something in the sperm??) and loved the idea of a band of 3 boys. My 2 boys are brilliant. As it happens number 3 was a girl which is also lovely and the boys love her sooo much.

Three really feels like a lot of kids sometimes. Don’t have one just because you want another girl.

Paturday · 19/02/2023 07:43

Also I hope you don’t pity my daughter for not having a sister OP 🙄 me and my sister are not close at all.

Bluebellsand · 19/02/2023 07:56

Silly I know, but I used to want a full car. Now, that we are raising three wonderful sons, I don't want to stop having children. If dh, my health and money said yes, I would definitely been going for another. I find it sad having to artificial stop/ prevent our reproductive system from doing it's job. But it is a necessary evil.

As a child I used to want two children with the same sex first and then the opposite sex. But after true ds2 was stillborn, I prayed for health, happy and alive baby. The sex off the baby became irrelevant to me.

newtowelsplease · 19/02/2023 08:00

Haven't seen one of these awful, depressing threads for a while

chattyalice · 19/02/2023 11:28

We've got a boy and a girl. Trying for a 3rd because we want another baby, doesn't matter what sex. What I will say tho is in my experience boys are alot easier!!! 🤣

Treesnbirds · 22/05/2023 19:40

We have 4 girls. I hated the negative comments! People are so unthinking. (Your POOR husband, just wait for the teenage years, oh my God! Not another one!) 🙄😥 Like we ticked a box 🙄....

Our eldest two are always sniping at each other, winding each other up, generally being mean and unpleasant towards each other, it's been pretty relentless and actually really hard to deal with. (I've tried everything I can think of to change the dynamic but have utterly failed so far.) it's been going on around 4 years.... so I would just say whatever we imagine doesn't always work out that way and fwiw I wanted boys!!).

Though I will also say we do really love having 4 and feel beyond lucky to have 4 healthy children.

PakdHend · 22/05/2023 19:46

We had two boys and went for a third because we wanted another child. The sex of the baby hadn’t even crossed my mind until we fell pregnant. I expected to be told we were having another boy though when we went for the 20 week scan (and would have been happy!). We actually had a girl which was a lovely surprise. The only frustrating thing is that everyone, and I mean everyone (family, friends, random strangers in the supermarket, old people on the bus, the postman) assumes we went for a third because we (or me probably) wanted a girl and that we must be ‘so relieved to have one.’ This upsets me, what’s wrong with boys!

steppemum · 22/05/2023 19:55

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:45

@TTCm It’s only because I have a sister (no other siblings) and I would like my daughter to have this relationship in her life. I bet having a brother must be nice too but you can’t discuss about colouring your hair or whether to wear this or that dress, or exchange clothes between you, or go for shopping or talk for hours about your pregnancies and other halves… it’s not the same!

Also, I feel that girls are more caring about their families when they grow up and the relationship mum-daughter is so special! While having sons means having to deal with daughters in law…

I would like two daughters for these and many more reasons but these are the obvious ones. Of course, sons are special in their own way and I love my boy to the moon and back!

I think there is so much wrong with this post that I don't know where to start.

I have a boy and 2 girls.
I am close to my son and expect to be close to any granchildren etc that he has. I hope very much to like and be close to any DIL. I always felt that my SIL were lovely and welcomed them into the family and would be the same with a DIL.
Pretty nasty attitude 'having to deal with daughters in law' no wonder MIL get a bad press.

Both my brothers are really close to my mum and spend a lot of time with my parents and are very caring, and my mum is very close to all her grandkids whether her son's kids or her daughter's.

I have 2 dds and they are chalk and cheese, no gossiping about clothes, hair or make-up. I don't think dd1 has ever had that type of conversation in her life. She puts on her Doc Martins and dungerees and goes on protest marches, and watches D&D videos late into the night. While dd2 is searching youtube for make up videos, and curling her hair

Honestly the stereotyping of both boys and girls is sad.
If you expect your ds to not be close to you and to bring a horrible DIL into the family, that is what you will get.

Oh and by the way, dd1 will be bringing a DIL into the family not a SIL so you may have to deal with daughters in law even if you have girls.

PakdHend · 22/05/2023 19:58

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:45

@TTCm It’s only because I have a sister (no other siblings) and I would like my daughter to have this relationship in her life. I bet having a brother must be nice too but you can’t discuss about colouring your hair or whether to wear this or that dress, or exchange clothes between you, or go for shopping or talk for hours about your pregnancies and other halves… it’s not the same!

Also, I feel that girls are more caring about their families when they grow up and the relationship mum-daughter is so special! While having sons means having to deal with daughters in law…

I would like two daughters for these and many more reasons but these are the obvious ones. Of course, sons are special in their own way and I love my boy to the moon and back!

What a load of stereotypical sexist nonsense!

I have a sister and we have never discussed coloring our hair, or gone shopping, or talked for hours about our other halves. Honestly how ridiculous. Not every girl is like this you realize. If this is the only reason you want another child you really shouldn’t. My brother is much much closer to my mum, lives down the road from her. My sister and I moved away. Doesn’t your son deserve a brother? Or do boys just play football and fight?

Chocolateisnice · 23/05/2023 13:18

We have two daughters who are 2 and 3. I am not sure if we are 'done' but if we dud have another it would be nice to have a bit just to see how a boy version of us looks if that makes sense.
If we did have another it would be to have three children, not to try for a different sex.
However, obviously the health is so much more important, which is why I hate the reveal parties where the parents look genuinely disappointed.

Chocolateisnice · 23/05/2023 13:18

We have two daughters who are 2 and 3. I am not sure if we are 'done' but if we dud have another it would be nice to have a bit just to see how a boy version of us looks if that makes sense.
If we did have another it would be to have three children, not to try for a different sex.
However, obviously the health is so much more important, which is why I hate the reveal parties where the parents look genuinely disappointed.

Kaybee93 · 16/09/2023 22:35

I have 2 sons. I grew up with 3 sisters and 1 brother and I wish I had a daughter. Me and my sister's are really close and I didn't realise how much I missed not having that female connection and I really wanted to try for a girl. That being said we spoke about a third and said no. 5 years later and we are talking about a third, I'm genuinely over not having a daughter now and I would like a third baby for the sake of a third and not their gender. This is what helps me realise I think we are ready for our last baby of we decide to try because I don't mind what we have as long as they're healthy. I know that sounds soooo cliché.