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Original poster

3rd baby gender

74 replies

Spinachandrice · 13/02/2023 12:52

I am trying to figure out if I want the gender or the child, if that makes sense.

Those of you that went for the third, was it because you were not satisfied with the gender of your first two kids? If the genders of your first two kids were different would you still want a third?

I am just trying to figure out what need pushes me to want another.

For reference we have a girl and a boy but I would always want two girls!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cptartapp · 14/02/2023 16:26

Interestingly, and stats bear this out that men are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

villamariavintrapp · 14/02/2023 16:30

Well it sounds like you've figured out what it is that's driving your 'need' for another child-it's definitely because you want a girl (who fits your sexist stereotypes). It's 50:50 though, so you might get another boy. It's probably worth trying to challenge some of your sexist views about your existing children before you think any more about a 3rd?

ParentsTrapped · 14/02/2023 16:31

We’ve got a boy and a girl and debating whether to go for a third.

I think I have a slight preference for boy because dc2 is a boy and I think it would be easier if the two who were the same sex were the closest in age (will be 6 years between DC1 and dc3 if we go for it). But equally I can see that a girl would be lovely as it would mean that dc2 was the only boy and that might alleviate any middle child syndrome. So basically I have no preference. I’ve always wanted 3 kids and couldn’t care less about the sex. I think wanting a particular sex because of stereotype based characteristics is a recipe for disaster.

UpendedPineapple · 14/02/2023 16:32

So you'd prefer your boy to be a girl if ideally you'd want 3 girls? You really need to think about your reaction if dc3 were another boy then.

We had 2DD's and we wanted a third. DH wasn't fussed about not having a boy and we both thought we just had girls. Then DS popped out!

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 14/02/2023 16:41

I won't pretend otherwise, I had my third because my first two were boys and I wanted a girl. Number 3 was also a boy. He is loved and adored. So while I did not get a girl I do not regret having a third

ZoeCM · 14/02/2023 16:49

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Omg I would love 3 girls! That’s a dream to me and the best scenario of all!

Jesus Christ, your poor son. You really shouldn't have any more children.

lunar1 · 14/02/2023 16:57

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Omg I would love 3 girls! That’s a dream to me and the best scenario of all!

Don't have any more, you already have a consolation prize son, and a daughter who will disappoint you if she isn't the 'right type' of girl. Nobody is getting out of that childhood unscathed.

skingraft · 14/02/2023 16:59

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Omg I would love 3 girls! That’s a dream to me and the best scenario of all!

So you just don’t want a boy/boys whatsoever, despite the fact you already have one boy 😳

I kind of get the gender disappointment where women only have one gender and are hoping their final baby will be the opposite... but this seems a tad more extreme.

I have a boy, I have a lovely special relationship with him particularly as he gets older. We had a fab mum and son day in London yesterday- watched a musical together, had a lovely meal and a bit of shopping. We both love days out together and quality time.

I also know lots of sisters who have poor relationships and don’t have much to do with each other.

How will you feel if your girls are opposites and don’t have the type of relationship you imagined? How will you feel if your daughter moves far away from home? Doesn’t want to have her own kids? Doesn’t follow stereotypes in other ways eg is a lesbian?

I think you set yourself up for disappointment with wanting everything to be a particular, precise way.

Nimblesandbimbles · 14/02/2023 17:08

You are making so many assumptions here OP. I agree that you really need to figure out how you would feel if you had another boy. Also it’s a bit hard on your son that you want a sister for your daughter. The whole thing just seems a bit off.

WinterfellsStarbucksConcession · 14/02/2023 17:15

I had two girls then a boy.
I wanted a girl initially, then I hoped she'd have a sister, (as like the OP I have a v close relationship with my sister despite a 16 year age gap) but would have been happy to have a boy with the second pregnancy. Third pregnancy I was hoping for a boy, and that's what we got so I consider myself very lucky. (He was also the most placid, easy going baby of the three and I had to reassess my girl preferences.)
If my husband hadn't put his foot down I would have tried for a fourth and would have hoped to have a brother for my son. But as pp's have said there's no guarantees that just because they're same sex siblings they'll confirm to the happy families stereotype.
All three are very close emotionally and in age, with only three years one month between the oldest and the youngest. It was hard work when they were little but gratifying to see them all playing together (when they weren't fighting!) The sisters, who are very different to each other, grew apart a little in their teens, but have got closer again now they are in their 20's and not living at home. And my oldest daughter has married a wonderful man who's definitely become the 2nd son / brother in our family.
If I were you OP I'd go for that third child. Whether it's a brother or a sister to your son and daughter it's a win win and either way you'll feel like your family is complete.

Wetblanket78 · 14/02/2023 17:24

How about just wanting a healthy child? This is why I hate stupid gender reveals. You can tell they are obviously disappointed. But when you wait until birth how can you be disappointed when you're presented with your tiny human you have carried for nine months?

skingraft · 14/02/2023 17:32

And how will you feel if your girls only have sons when they grow up :( Id hate to have grandparents experiencing gender disappointment on my behalf!

shhsleep · 14/02/2023 17:33

I have 4 girls, would of have no 3 and 4 regardless of the sex of the first 2. Personally I wouldn't go for another if it's just so you can get another girl.

Holly60 · 14/02/2023 17:40

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 12:45

@TTCm It’s only because I have a sister (no other siblings) and I would like my daughter to have this relationship in her life. I bet having a brother must be nice too but you can’t discuss about colouring your hair or whether to wear this or that dress, or exchange clothes between you, or go for shopping or talk for hours about your pregnancies and other halves… it’s not the same!

Also, I feel that girls are more caring about their families when they grow up and the relationship mum-daughter is so special! While having sons means having to deal with daughters in law…

I would like two daughters for these and many more reasons but these are the obvious ones. Of course, sons are special in their own way and I love my boy to the moon and back!

I have an adult son and an adult daughter, both married with children. Both chose to stay local.

I have a good friend who has three adult daughters. One of them lives abroad and neither of the others are living locally, or near each other.

I see far more of my adult children and grandchildren than she does. I get on brilliantly with my daughter in law (and my son in law) and go away on holiday with them regularly. My son and daughter are incredibly close and talk about all sorts with each other. But I am my daughter's go to person in the family for all things particularly girly, which I love.

The sex of your children tells you nothing about what their relationship with each other and you will be.

Just enjoy the children you have. You are very lucky.

SirChenjins · 14/02/2023 17:44

Genuine question - do you mean biological sex? Gender nothing more than stereotypes placed on the 2 sexes by society,

fruitandfibreg · 14/02/2023 18:44

OP I completely get this. I also would love 2 girls. I've always wanted 2 girls and a boy as that's what I have. There's no relationship like a sister one and I'd love my DD to have that

fruitandfibreg · 14/02/2023 18:45

My husband would also love 3 girls for PP who said the men want boys. My husband is a massive football/cricket/tennis everything player and fan but he's just such a girl dad hed love a load of girls

Original poster

Spinachandrice · 14/02/2023 19:04

Apologies for any misunderstanding! I love my son to bits and equally to my daughter.

I have never had a brother, never experienced any brotherhood relationship and I have a lovely sister that I am very close with. This is the reason, I would like my daughter to experience the same relationship.

However, I fully get the comments that not all sisterly relationships are like this and not all mum-daughter relationships are ideal.

More than anything I would like a healthy kid. And when I said that 3 daughters is the best scenario to me, I meant having two sisters is ideal to me. I didn’t mean that having sons is not nice! So, 3 daughters and 1 son is even better than just having 3 daughters!

As for their sexuality I really don’t mind my son being gay or my daughter lesbian!

Maybe all this stereotype thing about daughters came from my mum that always said that she is so lucky to have two daughters

OP posts:

Holly60 · 14/02/2023 19:20

Maybe all this stereotype thing about daughters came from my mum that always said that she is so lucky to have two daughters

It's funny you say this because I have one brother and always wanted one of each. Partly because I'm really close to my brother so wanted that brother/sister relationship for my children, but probably also because my own mother always said how lucky she felt to have one girl and one boy.

I'm probably guilty of having said the same to mine I never thought about it like that...

Callingtosummer · 15/02/2023 14:23

I wanted a third child. I waited 10 years so it was a special time and the gender didn’t come into it. I was happy to have a boy after 2 girls though as I feel like I now get to experience both, but if he’d been a girl I’d still be happy I got my much wanted and longed for baby. If you only want a specific gender I’d advise against it, if you don’t get the ‘correct’ one it can be very disappointing, cause resentment/depression and baby may feel unwanted. If you’d be happy whatever the gender is then go for it.

Emmamoo89 · 15/02/2023 14:25

I'd love a girl. Got one boy. Been around my niece and nephews I prefer boys as they are more lovey

Justputitdown · 16/02/2023 15:12

Theoldwoman · 14/02/2023 13:27

I always wanted 3 girls, and I got three girls.

If you have a girl first, then a boy, then statistically your next will be a boy.

Is this true?

Carlycat · 16/02/2023 16:43

It's sex not gender. Language is important 🙄

dustydewdrop · 16/02/2023 16:50

Would it not be nice for your DS to experience having a brother OP?

Coffeeandcrocs · 16/02/2023 16:50

I have girl, boy, boy and had a third because we wanted a third child irrespective of gender although appreciate that's easy to say when you already have one of each

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