How much harder does it get going from 2 kids to 3?

[ViMa1820]

Heyyyy

Basic drilldown:

Have two beautiful girls (3yrs and 1.5yrs), they are hilarious and funny and good girls, but literally DO NOT STOP. From the minute they wake up (6.30 AM!) to bedtime 7-7.30pm. Littlest has an hour midday so get a little light relief at that point but that's not gonna be happening for much longer, maybe got another year left of daytime naps for her?

Anyway, hubby wants another baby. We always said we'd have 3 (compromise as he would have 4 if he could). But I honestly don't know how I'd do it? I'm worn out now with 2, I don't really have any helpers as my beloved mum passed away last year and all other grandparents either don't live locally or aren't able to help often.

My eldest starts school next year so wouldnt be properly thinking about it until then, but it's on my mind all the time.

I'd like another, but I have so many worries about not coping, not having space, not having any adult time, not being able to be the best I can be, how expensive it will be, my mental health, not coping without my mum.....

Please, honest opinions....those with a 3rd, do you kinda wish you'd stuck at 2? Did you have the same worries? Is it really hard?
Or has the third just slotted in along with everything else?

Help me find some kind of direction. Because I know I'll always want another - but am scared I'll regret it also.

Thanks 😊

I have no advice unfortunately OP as I am facing the same dilemma with two girls similar age to yours. So I suppose I'm just following this thread with interest.

Very sorry to hear about your lovely mum, I'm sure she would be very proud of the supermum you are to your two wonderful daughters.

I had 2 within 2 years and then a 3rd five years after. Tbh my youngest made no extra work for me. Do bear in mind that my second started school 3 months before I had my 3rd so that probably made things easier!

In all honesty though most people who have 3 say it's harder to go from 1-2 than it is to go from 2-3.

Bear in mind that at some point your girls will be 8 years old and then you'll wish there was only one as they can talk enough for 3 kids!!

I have 3 girls.

Fwiw though my youngest is that absolute light of my life. It's cheesy but she absolutely completed us as a family unit. She's the joy we didn't know we all needed in our lives.

Even if she never does stop talking 🤦🏽‍♀️

3 in 5 years. It was fine for me personally as after 2 you’re already busy. 2 was more of a shock.

For me it would be the challenge of travelling, hotels and cars are not designed for 5.

For me personally, going from 2 to 3 was much harder than going from 1 to 2. Probably because my DC2 was a good sleeper and an easy baby while DC3 was neither of those things! He's lovely now (age 12) but it was really tough when they were little.

I love my 3. Expenses include cars and hotel room when they are little. After school activities have to be scheduled to let everyone do something and fit in after school clubs. I am dreading the cost of University and car insurance.

For me, it definitely was difficult going from 2 to 3 but there were probably several factors involved and as a previous poster has said, our youngest has completed us as a family, he brings us so much laughter and joy.

When I had him, my older daughters had just turned 2 and 4 so they were all fairly dependent on me, especially the 2 year old emotionally. While the first few months were definitely very tough (and I often questioned my decision 🤣), as my son has got older (and the girls too), I can feel it shifting towards ease. The girls play together brilliantly for the majority of the time and my son has started being interested in what they're doing too.

I don't regret my decision at all, even though the first year might require some mental preparation 🙈

Ive had three now for five months, I didn't find going 2-3 any harder than 1-2 and really enjoy having three. Unlike when you go 1-2 and worry that hour eldest is being pushed out with going 2-3 you older two have one another for company when you are occupied feeding /changing etc My eldest started school last September and number three was born in December, so usually just two at home, which makes it feel similar to before. One thing I've noticed is that the washing increases majorly with a third, I do a load a day now, before it was two or three times a week, so for one little extra person that's quite a big increase. Also my husband has had to step up more than he did before, with bedtimes for the older boys etc. School run etc has been fine, just become more organised with it and have everything ready the night before, clothes, PE kits etc. Both youngest have a shared pram nap around collection time till 5pm ish which gives me 1-1 with the eldest to do school reading and talking about his day etc.

I have 3. The second two are twins. I love it. Have no money and no sleep but my life, my house and my heart is full. I'd love another.....

I have 3 but went from 1to 3 as had dt. At the same time two friends had their 3rd one found it easier than going from 1 to 2 the other found it harder. They did both say laundry, car size and holidays /days out were more /expensive. I often think it's down to the parents /temperament of dc. I find as well two of mine have lots of medical issues and when I compare the time/mental load/change in ways things need to happen compared to my healthy dc there is a big difference. So consider how you'd cope with a disabled child.

We have three and number four is on route. I do think it's harder and locks you into parenting and expenses for longer but it's not always the obvious - things like a theme park visit (we don't go often) mean that one of you ends up queuing with one child at a time so the children actually get very little time doing.

It's hard to focus on education for number three in the same way, just simply don't get as much 1-2-1 time.

However they do play better as two of them tend to agree on something to play and so it becomes a bit mix and match which is good and one of us flex with their work , which is essential I think

I have 3 DC. I think 0-1 was the biggest shock! 1-2 was pretty easy. 2-3 has been fine BUT for me this is definitely enough and I'd not have any more. I can definitely see the benefits of sticking with 2 but I absolutely don't regret going for 3.

2 to 3 was relatively easy. The logistics started to get more complicated with 4.

Can relate to this. I have four children and for me the hardest was to go from one to two and to go from three to four. My situation Is different though since I have a huge family who helps out all the time.

I have three, the eldest is 5 and youngest will be 2 in Feb, with a 3 year old in the middle. The hardest bit for me with 3 is the logistics, after school in our house is just chaos, with homework, swimming lessons, football etc. Neither me nor dh get much time to ourselves as we generally divide and conquer! I actually found the first year with 3 easy as babies are transportable and he just tagged along with whatever we were doing, a toddler is another story!

They are brilliant together though and I don't regret having 3 for a second.

No one is going to say they regret having no. 3 because most people love their children and can't imagine the world without their youngest child.

I think you want a third so will probably have one. You know the drawbacks (less time, money and space).

I only have 2 so perdais not “qualified” to post here, but here’s my 2c.

Everyone I know with 3, without exception, is overwhelmed.

10+ years in to parenting and more complications seem to be arising - things like 3x homework/exams, more washing and washing bigger clothes, activities/hobbies are logistically and financially trickier, babysitters are reluctant to look after 3, differing wants/needs for holidays and days out, bathroom fights, financial stress of 3x uni in the future, school/friends or relationship/friendship issues x3 etc… bigger kids bigger problems.

Often we see them splitting into 2 and a 3 for things as not everyone wants to do the same so the parents have to divide and conquer. They all say how rare it is that they do something as a 5.

All the mothers have sacrificed more/longer of their careers.

It goes without saying that love their kids, and in isolation all of the things I mention above are pretty minor… but all of that together results in most of them being exhausted and drained (some admit it, some won’t/can’t). It’s not like they’ve got a choice other than to crack on, and pretty sure they never fully regret it, but sometimes some of them allude to it.

We stopped at 2 because we knew we could give 2 a nice life, and that 3 would be a compromise for us all. Plus DC2 was a terrible sleeper and not sure our marriage would cope with more sleepless years.

DH also put off by the thought of twins so going inadvertently from 2 to 4! (this happened to a colleague and one of the twins had special needs and would never live independently… colleague actually told me they regretted going for a 3rd as having the twins changed their family dynamic so much and ultimately they felt like they’d been greedy when they had a perfectly fine unit of 4 but pushed it too far wanting another and look what happened … his words)

It’s definitely easier going from 2-3 than 1-2. What you do need to prepare yourself for is a few more baby & toddler years. We were just coming out of them when DH suggested a third, so dove straight back in. Also it will take a few more years to claim your home back. My youngest has just turned 5 and I’m starting to finally have a bit more space as less big toys and no more baby stuff around.

Im definitely glad I did it. I’d have more but way too old to go back into the baby years again.

I think I found it easier when they were younger. When they all got to school age it was such a juggling act getting them all to activities, sorting school work, affording to go for days out and holidays. If you have the money and time go for it, if you are strapped for cash and time think carefully. And remember that at some point you will have three moody teenagers!

I would ignore this, OP. It's ridiculous to say that everyone with 3 is overwhelmed, and exhausted and drained, saying those who don't say they are 'can't or won't admit it' as if an outsider knows better about their lives than the actual parents!

I think things like more washing etc shouldn't really be serious considerations in the context of bringing an extra person into your family.

Fwiw 3 certainly is busy (3 years and a couple of days between my oldest and youngest) but the third DC brings such immense joy he makes everything worth it.

FWIW I know someone who has just added number 7 to the brood, 5 hers, 2 step (all live together) 2 of the 7 joint. They are immensely happy and love having a big family.

Just read the title and it is HARD!

3 is a lovely number of kids to have. You obviously realise you'll need a bigger car and holidays/days out will more expensive as will feeding three hungry teenagers, 3 lots of ballet etc etc etc. but do be aware when you've aced having 3 you'll be asking if 4 is much harder work.
I know, I have 5 now.

You know how to do it all but logistically it's much harder.
I have 3 and although I adore no3 so wouldn't change anything I should have stuck at 2 - life would be much easier and more manageable. Additional needs thrown into the mix make it harder so not sure how hard I'd find it if I had 3 neurotypical kids. If you aren't sure you want it don't do it.