Accidental pregnancy baby #4 what do I do?!?!

[louise891]

So short intro, I'm 33 mum to 3, 9yr ds, 7yr dd, and 3yr dd, my 3 year old starts preschool next month so I have just got a job working nights 5.30pm till 1.30am 3x a week to allow me to be home in the holidays etc, well..... I have just found out I'm pregnant! Not planned at all and we were done.. I'm in shock and hubby seems to be very negative about it and is worrying, I do still want to work and will continue to do so after baby, but we both said If this ever happened then we wouldn't keep :( my head tells me it's not sensible, we would need a new car, more money and I will be pushed for one on one time with my kids, and my heart is saying everything happens for a reason, and that I could never get a abortion 🥺 I guess I just need advise from people on both ends of a similar situation, thanks for reading, also just wanted to add that it took us 3 years to conceive our 1st and then went on to have 3 mcs between our 2 girls 💔

Anyone 🥺

Hello OP. I too am accidentally pregnant with #4, I’m 18 weeks now. I was in absolute shock to begin with, and my husband suggested a termination. I have had 4 miscarriages, and in all honesty, I just could not bring myself to have a termination, not with my history.

I hated being in the position I was in, and was very down about it. Recently though, I’ve become a lot more positive and I am getting excited. It’s absolutely not what I had envisioned, but I know, for me personally, I couldn’t have coped mentally with a termination.

I wish you the very, very best of luck.

Just wanted to post to bump it for you.

Sorry you are in such a difficult position, not what you planned.

I'm sure someone pop along soon.

We have 4, always planned 4.
What we didn't plan for was DC1 to have downs.
So it's not been a bump-free journey.

You'll come through this whichever decision you make.
Big hugs x

Sometimes things are just meant to be. It’s your life & your family, do what’s right for you, but if I was in your shoes, I would have the baby. Good luck OP.

I wouldn’t get an abortion . The reason is I had 4 kids already and I had just got the youngest one off to school so started to have some more freedom . I found out I was pregnant . I couldn’t decide what to do as really didn’t want to start all over again , bedroom space etc. So I booked an abortion and went to the clinic. My heart was racing and it felt wrong but in my head we’re all these worries. I left the abortion clinic . But then I kind of panicked about how I could cope and especially with the bad morning sickness . So I rebooked and went through with the abortion even tho it’s still felt so wrong. Fast forward to know 5 years later , I’ve just had a mental breakdown and am on medication just to be able to function. I’d give anything in the world to go back in time and get my baby back . All those reasons just sound so stupid now , I basically gave up my babies life for my own convenience. This is only my advice and my experience and I know plenty of women have abortions and are fine with it. I’m just giving my side as you may look back and regret it . X

@Lonleygal

I wouldn’t get an abortion . The reason is I had 4 kids already and I had just got the youngest one off to school so started to have some more freedom . I found out I was pregnant . I couldn’t decide what to do as really didn’t want to start all over again , bedroom space etc. So I booked an abortion and went to the clinic. My heart was racing and it felt wrong but in my head we’re all these worries. I left the abortion clinic . But then I kind of panicked about how I could cope and especially with the bad morning sickness . So I rebooked and went through with the abortion even tho it’s still felt so wrong. Fast forward to know 5 years later , I’ve just had a mental breakdown and am on medication just to be able to function. I’d give anything in the world to go back in time and get my baby back . All those reasons just sound so stupid now , I basically gave up my babies life for my own convenience. This is only my advice and my experience and I know plenty of women have abortions and are fine with it. I’m just giving my side as you may look back and regret it . X

Oh I'm so sorry :( this is my fear too, I know what my heart is saying, I'm just so scared and worried hubby will resent me somehow (I know he won't once baby is here) I hope you start to feel like yourself again soon hun, i know what it feels like to be in this situation, and you made what you thought wad the right decision for your family at the time, try not to be too hard on yourself ❤

@Roselilly36

Sometimes things are just meant to be. It’s your life & your family, do what’s right for you, but if I was in your shoes, I would have the baby. Good luck OP.

Thank you ❤

@Four4me

Just wanted to post to bump it for you.

Sorry you are in such a difficult position, not what you planned.

I'm sure someone pop along soon.

We have 4, always planned 4.
What we didn't plan for was DC1 to have downs.
So it's not been a bump-free journey.

You'll come through this whichever decision you make.
Big hugs x

Thank you so much, and your amazing! Can I ask did you find it hard going from 3 to 4? X

@Luckystar1

Hello OP. I too am accidentally pregnant with #4, I’m 18 weeks now. I was in absolute shock to begin with, and my husband suggested a termination. I have had 4 miscarriages, and in all honesty, I just could not bring myself to have a termination, not with my history.

I hated being in the position I was in, and was very down about it. Recently though, I’ve become a lot more positive and I am getting excited. It’s absolutely not what I had envisioned, but I know, for me personally, I couldn’t have coped mentally with a termination.

I wish you the very, very best of luck.

Thank you, and I'm sorry your going through this too! It's just the worst feeling, I feel so guilty because it wasn't planned and I feel like I can't get excited because dh is stressing, I have told him I need time to think clearly, but I know what my heart is saying, it's just soo hard! I'm glad you are getting excited now 😄 it is a blessing I know, and we both have been on the other end x

From your post it sounds like you want the baby op.
You will do fine with a fourth one, and you won't regret it xxx
Congratulations xxx

@Babiesandboardgames

From your post it sounds like you want the baby op. You will do fine with a fourth one, and you won't regret it xxx Congratulations xxx

Thank you, my head is a mess tbh, but I will find my way through, something I have always Said is, you never regret a child, but you may regret not having one, this is in my head 24/7 ATM 🤦‍♀️

louise891
Going from 3 to 4 was absolutely fine, our dc4 has always been super laid back.
Ages when dc4 was born;
Dc1 7 years (SEN)
Dc2 6 years
Dc3 15 months

If you're not 100% sure abortion is for you then don't do it. Having a big family can be hard but you will make it work if you want to.

Our 4th was a failed coil, turned in to baby 4 & 5 as twins. After suffering multiple miscarriages abortion of healthy babies was not an option for me. We'd not completely ruled out more though, I have no regrets at all. We've had a 6th since them, planned.

Similar situation here, we had discussed a third child last year and OH said absolutely not. Accidentally got pregnant just after Christmas which I blamed myself for but realistically it was nobodies fault neither of us understand how it happened. OH was not happy at first, once he told his family he was completely a different person, I’m now 14 weeks and he’s okay about it now, if anything kind of excited he wants a boy 😄 it’s one of those things that can happen

Thank you ladies, I have come to the decision to keep the baby, I know I could not go through with abortion after spending years win infertility issues and them miscarriages, I just can't do it, this baby wasn't planned in the slightest but it's our fault for not being careful enough, it still doesn't feel real, currently 5 plus 3 weeks, hubby got me a pregnancy pillow for mothers day so I think he is coming around to it 🤣 it's going to be hard as I just started a new job on nights but I'm going to work as long as I can and hopefully go back to work after baby, I have been a sahm for 9 years and I really don't want to do that again xx

Just to add.. I already feel love for this baby, I know we can do anything we set our mind and hearts to, didn't plan to have 4 kids but I'll be damn sure they all get the love they Need ❤

@louise891 I’m so glad you have come to a decision. There will be ups and downs over the next few weeks while you adjust mentally. But I hope for you that the excitement will come soon!

OP, I am not you… if it was me I would have a termination.

Without guilt. I have had a termination before, before I had my Dc, and termination of an unplanned pg felt like a relief while a mc of a wanted oh was a huge loss and sadness.

I would terminate now because this is unplanned and I wouldn’t want my life to be ruled by something outside my control.

The life you describe is already under pressure. It is brilliant that you have found this working solution but with another child to support you will need to race ahead even further…with more household pressure. No sooner is the 3 year old getting free nursery hours than you have another…

Maybe this sounds cold hearted. I don’t feel cold hearted, I love babies, I love 2 year olds… but I need to be in a headspace and living situation where I can relax and give and enjoy love. It sounds as if your DH feels the same.

But each of us can only make the right decision for ourselves, abd I wish you the best whatever you decide.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, got interrupted ousting and missed your update.

Good luck, OP.

[quote Luckystar1]@louise891 I’m so glad you have come to a decision. There will be ups and downs over the next few weeks while you adjust mentally. But I hope for you that the excitement will come soon![/quote]
Thank you so much ❤ it will come, I think that with starting a new job I just haven't had time to let it sink in 🤣

Good luck and congratulations but remember that on the 'larger families' board you will get a skewed opinion. You have agency here and you can change your mind at any point for quite some number of weeks if you think that another child won't be beneficial for you or your existing children and the amount of time you can give to them.

Hi OP, Commiserations, I know how you feel. Same thing happened to us a few years ago. I felt so stupid for getting accidentally pregnant, after we decided we were all done with 3. I was 38!! But we kept him.

He's now 3 years old (the others are now 10, 8 and 5) and things are getting a lot easier, but the last few years have been really incessant. I absolutely love having 4 kids, but it is very, very time consuming and you have to really commit to it as a carer/lifestyle choice in itself on top of your own work, and accept that you will get very little time/space for yourself for a few years. Are you passionate about laundry? Adore vacuuming? Specialise in brushing teeth? How do you feel about homework and keeping track of multiple commitments? Do you mind that holidays and days out are going to cost a lot more?

In some ways, 3 to 4 is not such a big change, but it does drag things out! I love my 3 year old to bits, but I have been dealing with a baby/toddler (ok, 4 different baby/ toddlers one after the other) for a decade now and I although I know I will always feel sentimental about when they were little, I am not sorry that we have finally got rid of prams and nappies etc it's really been a long time.

For me, though, it's all worth it. But it's a huge thing to take on, one more life to be responsible for.I know it is very tough to emotionally deal with not keeping a child (I didn't think I could do it) but ultimately it can be very tough to emotionally deal with feeling like you are not doing a good enough job with 4 children too.

Be kind to yourself, OP.

OP will you be entitled to maternity pay?

Not me - but a friend had similar, had 3 kids then a contraception fail and she'd thought she was done at 3. She had her 4th when her youngest was 3 and to be honest told me yes it was a bit harder but everyone mucked in (her eldest was DD, 10).

Just ensure you have adequate contraception in place after this - or DH gets the snip!

@NeedleNoodle3

OP will you be entitled to maternity pay?

I'm not 100% sure, you have to be employed 26 weeks before your 15 weeks left to go, so basically work there for a week before getting pregnant, I was employed when I was 4 weeks 😬 didn't know though, either way I'm going back to work