AMA I'm one of 9 (all full siblings), DH one of 11

[iwanttobeonleave]

Just that really...

@Thepurpleturtle

What’s your view on people having an only child through choice?

I think an only child is a wonderful idea. Being the centre of attention must be lovely- lucky them I'd say!!

@TheShades

Was your home very overcrowded?

Yes, but we tended to all leave home at the earliest opportunity so by the time the younger ones came along, the older ones had gone.

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend

Do you think about the environmental impact having so many children has?

Yes for sure!! I think it was irresponsible of them for many reasons, environmental impact being just one.

@ThroughThickAndThin01

Are you close to any of your siblings?

Only one. For some reason there is a feeling of distrust between us all do we tend to naturally keep our distance.

Were they religious?

What are their opinions on their DC's having fewer?

How many grandkids do they have?

Did your DM regret it?

Did she ever work?

Did you all share rooms?

Did you mostly move out young?

@RandomMess

Sounds crap.

I honestly have nothing but sympathy for the children of those people who had 22. I think it's very cruel. I don't care how happy they say they are, a chaotic home is no place for a mentally healthy child.

Makes my brood of four seem tiny!!

No not religious at all.

Yes we shared bedrooms.

I don't know if my mother had regrets. Probably as she had an incredibly hard life.

Yes she worked periodically. Money was tight.

@felulageller

Were they religious?

What are their opinions on their DC's having fewer?

How many grandkids do they have?

Did your DM regret it?

Did she ever work?

Did you all share rooms?

Did you mostly move out young?

28 grandchildren on my side.

About 7 on husbands side so far.

@SecretKeeper1

Wow. How many nieces and nephews do you have between you?

Have any of your siblings decided to have loads of kids? Have any decided to have none?

About 32 (?) nieces and nephews between us?

God that sounds awful!!

Do you think if your parents only had 2 children they would have done better?

Was it cultural normal to be from a big family in your school / community?

@stairgates

Do you think if your parents only had 2 children they would have done better?

Yes most definitely!!! Without a shadow of a doubt.

I come from a family a large family to. Dbro told me recently he tells people he has less siblings, to make things easier for himself. Do you do the same?
If yes, which siblings do you kill/ erase from existence? Or do you simply avoid the question like dbro?

@DFOD

Was it cultural normal to be from a big family in your school / community?

No I don't think so, we are English, white, lower middle class, fairly well educated, rural. They were both teachers. Husbands family the same, but not teachers.

@Bananarice

I come from a family a large family to. Dbro told me recently he tells people he has less siblings, to make things easier for himself. Do you do the same? If yes, which siblings do you kill/ erase from existence? Or do you simply avoid the question like dbro?

Haha! No I've never said I have fewer siblings. I also don't think I'd erase any. We're all in the same boat! (I wonder if they'd want to erase me.......)

I'm one of 6. I love my siblings and my parents had enough money to give us all good lives and starts, but I've never been close to them and even now I struggle to rely on people. I fundamentally feel that I always have to face the world alone.

This isn't a question, I suppose, just a vent, so to make it one - do you relate to that feeling? I never realised the solid fallback foundation other people got from their parents until I saw DH and my PIL. And my parents were good people who loved us very much. But they worked a lot of hours and fundamentally their leftover time did not split 6 ways.

@stalkersaga

I'm one of 6. I love my siblings and my parents had enough money to give us all good lives and starts, but I've never been close to them and even now I struggle to rely on people. I fundamentally feel that I always have to face the world alone.

This isn't a question, I suppose, just a vent, so to make it one - do you relate to that feeling? I never realised the solid fallback foundation other people got from their parents until I saw DH and my PIL. And my parents were good people who loved us very much. But they worked a lot of hours and fundamentally their leftover time did not split 6 ways.

Yes I absolutely hear you.

I've no memory whatsoever of having a hug or kiss or any real affection from my parents. I appreciate people were harder in the 70s but I still find it very sad. I'm sad for that little girl who was lost, confused and overwhelmed.

I think it makes you very self reliant- or is it just neglect that does that?!

Now you are an adult do you see your siblings?
My dad is number 6 of 14 and I’ve never been in the same building as all of my family at once (I have over 60 first cousins) they go through phases of some talking/not talking to others. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when all siblings are on speaking terms.

I think it makes you very self reliant- or is it just neglect that does that?!

In my situation I'd struggle with the word "neglect". My parents did their best and I always knew they loved us. However, I know it hurts DH that I can't bring myself to fully rely on him. I'm always planning for what I'll do without him. To me that's just good sense and my reality. It's not something that's going to split us up, but there's a wedge between us because for all of his issues with his parents, they were there in a real 1 on 1 sense and he has a faith in other people that I just don't.

@nancy75

Now you are an adult do you see your siblings? My dad is number 6 of 14 and I’ve never been in the same building as all of my family at once (I have over 60 first cousins) they go through phases of some talking/not talking to others. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when all siblings are on speaking terms.

I occasionally see most of them but two not at all.

There are lots of fall outs. Not caused by me I hasten to add.

I just wonder why anyone would you want to have so many children that they actually would end up not speaking to each other.

just wonder why anyone would you want to have so many children that they actually would end up not speaking to each other.

I’ve no idea why anyone would have 14 kids. The only thing we can imagine is my nan liked the week in hospital every time she had another baby & saw it as a holiday!
My dad really had no relationship with his parents, he was basically brought up by his oldest sister and very often left to fend for himself

@nancy75

just wonder why anyone would you want to have so many children that they actually would end up not speaking to each other.

I’ve no idea why anyone would have 14 kids. The only thing we can imagine is my nan liked the week in hospital every time she had another baby & saw it as a holiday!
My dad really had no relationship with his parents, he was basically brought up by his oldest sister and very often left to fend for himself

I wonder if it really was the case of no protection available, or the attention a baby brings perhaps?

I find it very hard to comprehend why anyone would have so many.

My dad's one of 11 and when the youngest was conceived, the second youngest was almost 6, the eldest in their late teens, with a 10 months to 18 months between children (my nan was on first name terms with some of the midwives apparently)

What are the age gaps like in your families?

How old are your parents and how old are dh's patrents?