AMA I'm one of 9 (all full siblings), DH one of 11

[iwanttobeonleave]

Just that really...

@Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese

My dad's one of 11 and when the youngest was conceived, the second youngest was almost 6, the eldest in their late teens, with a 10 months to 18 months between children (my nan was on first name terms with some of the midwives apparently)

What are the age gaps like in your families?

Age gaps are about 1 child very 24 months. So child bearing for about 22 (?) years I think.

@Onlinedilema

How old are your parents and how old are dh's patrents?

They're in their 70's now.

I wonder if it really was the case of no protection available, or the attention a baby brings perhaps?

I don’t think it was a case of no protection, my dad was born late 50s and my Nan had her last babies in the 1970s.

Youngest of 13. 20 years between me and eldest sister. No love lost between us. Several dont talk to each other. My older siblings reared me. My mums sister had 19. I never ever saw my aunt and her husband have a conversation. Both died early 50s before kids were reared.

@Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese

My dad's one of 11 and when the youngest was conceived, the second youngest was almost 6, the eldest in their late teens, with a 10 months to 18 months between children (my nan was on first name terms with some of the midwives apparently)

What are the age gaps like in your families?

My dad has got a brother and sister who were in the same school year but not twins. Most of the kids have about 18 months between them

@Nannyamc

Youngest of 13. 20 years between me and eldest sister. No love lost between us. Several dont talk to each other. My older siblings reared me. My mums sister had 19. I never ever saw my aunt and her husband have a conversation. Both died early 50s before kids were reared.

Wow. That's incredible.

I bet you are self reliant too!!

I'm curious because it was not common for that age group to have so many children. Contraception was available too. It's not like it was 100+ years ago, now that would be more common place.

Op were you jealous of your peers growing up in much smaller households?

@Onlinedilema

I'm curious because it was not common for that age group to have so many children. Contraception was available too. It's not like it was 100+ years ago, now that would be more common place.

Op were you jealous of your peers growing up in much smaller households?

Yes I was jealous.

I have always envied those who are close to their parents.

I was one of two, was still shit and not close to parents 🤷🏽‍♀️

Dbro claims saying he has less siblings means he would be questioned about our parents choice of contraception or his ability to count less.

In my family people tend to go in pairs, depending on personality. But we still do come together randomly (two live overseas now (one is a temporary one year work contract)).

Which event is likely to bring all your family members in one room next (with the exception of death in the family).

My daughters grandad on her dads side is one of 16. I can’t imagine how tough life must of been for him. He’s a lovely kind man who works incredibly hard. He went on to have just 2 sons. My daughters father being one of them. Although we’re not together he’s a very kind person too.

I remember speaking to his mum about when she was dating his dad. She went over to watch a film and said it was like being at the pictures.

When my daughter has a party it is madness with all the family and extended families and young children. Eventually we will be separating but she’s 3 this year and I wanted a big one because of COVID.

I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this op, I can imagine you’re self reliant and work hard too. You will have many strengths others do not. Remember that! Also I was spoilt and cherished in a 2 sibling set up with a much older third sister. Being the youngest I was helped out a lot. So was my brother tho. Neither of us have done well financially, or own our own houses. My sister did well, she took on a lot of responsibilities.

So life’s swings and roundabouts. Hope you’re well and healthy. Glad you’re doing well professionally.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve clicked on the wrong thing on Facebook, but my social media is full of stories that seem to me to be glamorising large families - the type with happy smiley colour coordinating photos with blonde children in line of height.

Have you noticed that at all?

Thanks for the insight, a family member has married into a large family with small age gaps, and I’m amazed at the amount of infighting, girlfriend swapping, etc, from a group of people who appear quite introverted otherwise. Maybe they’re not as unusual as I thought.

do you think that you have similar background is part of attraction of your DH?

Do you think that your chaotic and traumatic childhood was due to the narcissistic traits of your DF rather than just the number of children?

How was your mother ? Was she subjugated / coercively controlled by him? Did she work outside of the home?

Do your siblings feel the same about their upbringing as you? Do you think it makes a big difference where you were in the pecking order?

Are some of you introverts and some extroverts, and does that impact how you feel about your childhood?

I've always thought extroverts are more likely to have a large family - would you describe your parents as extroverts, and do they generally like to have lots of people around them?

You sound really balanced as a person, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic :)

Very interesting thread, OP.

Are your parents good grandparents? I'd imagine it would be hard to be hands on with that many of them.

Do you think the amount of children took a physical toll on your Mum? Was she ever able to work outside of the home?

Did you ever go on holiday or trips out?

After reading all your complaints...

I hope our many children appreciate all we do for them and remain close after they fly the nest. It is not any of our children's job to raise our other children, it is ours as their parents. Dh was eldest of 3 and expected to look after younger siblings (mothers side) growing up, he got out of there at 16 and joined the military, had a rocky relation ship with both parents since (they separated when he was a baby). My dad is the eldest of 9 and was close with all siblings until a fall out when his parents died, still close to most of them though. Loved his parents, the good and the bad and has many fond memories of childhood.

@Theraindropss

Do you think the amount of children took a physical toll on your Mum? Was she ever able to work outside of the home?

Did you ever go on holiday or trips out?

Having so many children had no obvious physical toll on my mother, she was always very fit and slim. Still is very active in late 70s.

Husbands mother still doing triathlons and half marathons in late 70s.

I guess they are both very tough women.

@yourestandingonmyneck

Very interesting thread, OP.

Are your parents good grandparents? I'd imagine it would be hard to be hands on with that many of them.

They are caring grandparents but they do not do childcare! Citing the fact that they've done enough of that.

Husbands parents on the others and do, and they love it.

@Redcrayons

do you think that you have similar background is part of attraction of your DH?

Undoubtedly!!!

He gets me and I get him. There's a fundamental understanding between us.

Op i have 6, what advice would you give (except for don't have more, i don't need tell that!)

@THOSEcobwebsareDECOR

Op i have 6, what advice would you give (except for don't have more, i don't need tell that!)

My advice (for what it's worth) would be;

Never compare the children against each other, never set them up as rivals. They're a team, each with their unique identity and value. They need to support each other not compete each other.

Try and get enough time with them individually to form a strong relationship. Get some one on one time and let them know you are there for them.

I think just show them as much love as you possibly can, each individually and as a group. Let them know they are ALL special and loved.