Do you ever feel finished having babies?

[Anonmumm2]

Hi all

I'd be keen to get views on this (especially any lockdown mummas). I am mum to two gorgeous children (3 and 1) but have been constantly wondering about a third.

The problem is (bit of an overthinker) I'm not sure whether this is mainly due to the feeling I lost out on the baby experience with my youngest (born a few days after the first lockdown was announced so I found maternity extremely lonely and tough - it started and ended in lockdown) or whether actually its because I'm not done having children and I yearn for it again. My husband is keen but I'm conscious it is expensive and 3 kids is a huge decision and could change our family dynamics.

I know I'm extremely lucky to have two healthy children but I am wondering whether lots of people feel like this or whether actually it was clear when you felt done.

Please be kind in your responses - sorry for the long post! Trying to decide whether to hold on to all the baby gear or sell it.

I have 4 and expecting 5. My eldest is an adult (who I had youngish) my middle 2 are 11 and nearly 10, and my baby is 20m. Next baby is due June

I had DD1, didn't feel done.
9yrs later with DH I had DD2 and 17m later DD3. It was busy, felt done. The MW said to me as they discharged to HV "we will see you again" I thought no way.

About 6wks PP didn't feel done, didn't want another then or even another close gap so had mirena put in(hats off to any 3 under 3ers!) but thought maybe when dd3 was 2ish to ttc.

Mirena was in for 5yrs, dh not keen on more. Then changed his mind (no pressure from me) when dd3 was 6/7. Took ages to conceive DS who was born when dd3 was 8.

DS is 20m after him, was I done? Probably not done completely but not desperate and not enough to ttc. Life had other plans and DC5 joins us in June. I will be done. I am done. This is the first time even with my eldest, that I considered not continuing with the pregnancy. But there was room for one more and I like the idea of DS having a sibling close in age. I will be sterilised I think.

I certainly did. The whole way through my last pregnancy I kept telling DH, this is it, no more, were done. And all through labour too!

Didn't have too long to wait until the grandchildren came alone, which is WAAAAYYY more fun than 'just' being a mum Any 'broodiness' went almost as soon as GC1 came along. Not that I wanted another child, its the hope for the future that I missed.

I didn't feel complete till after our 5th and then it was like an instant switch, I can't handle anymore washing, or running between multiple school activities. I'm now looking forward to the next stage of parenting that comes when they are all nappy free and tantrum free

When ds 2 was at home on the 1st night I knew I was done.

I never felt done after my second. Got pregnant with dc3 just as dc2 turned 3. I knew the second I saw that positive test that this would be my last baby. Three is the limit for me if kids I can parent well and still have any life of my own.

I have two and as my second has got older (he's just turned two) I have felt more and more done. I would be gutted if I got pregnant again. I am at my limit with two and I'm finally feeling like I'm getting some freedom back. Plus, my two get on brilliantly, and I can't imagine the dynamic improving with another!

I found the mental adjustment quite difficult as we started TTC our first at the start of 2015, so for years it's been at the fore of my mind, TTC or being pregnant or birth or whatever. To go from that for years to overnight going 'no, done' was a bit like mental whiplash, but now that's settled I'm glad I know.

I was done
When I had all 4 in my bed all night long ,taking turns to vomit ,while I ran around with bowels and towels and trying to change their sick covered beds to get them back in to bed .
That’s when ,and how I knew I was done
I slept for maybe an hour on the landing floor that night

I was done at 10. Then I met dh
.
Stopped at 11 after mmc at 44...

I have 5 children. Ages 13, 7, 5, 3 and newborn . Feel very fulfilled with my family. However after every single one was born, I was convinced I wouldn't do it again as I have horrendously long labours and hard recoveries. But here I am thinking of number 6 and then i really will be done. My husband would happily go for 10 or 11. But i think 6 is a good even number . We have a mix of boys and girls too which is lovely. And they all get on well apart from the odd bicker over who gets the tablets first or an argument over gem stickers but all in all they're a good bunch and I adore being a mum.

Thank you all for your comments, they are really helpful! I think maybe I need to let some time pass and see if I still feel the same way in a few months / a years time @catsjammies I totally know what you mean, I've been either pregnant or in the baby stage for the past 4 years so it's quite a mental shift to think not again.

Wish I could just listen to my heart a bit more and not give myself a load of reasons to say no (mainly cost of clubs, christmas, holidays etc but also practicalities of trying to make sure I can get three to everything they need and the risk people won't want to babysit 3).

The fact I get a bit jealous when I see people who are pregnant / with newborns probably tells me what I need to know.

I have 3dc and at the time would have had more but dh had a vasectomy as it just wasn't sensible for us to have more in terms of money, size of house etc. Now my youngest dc is 10 and I realise it was the best decision we have ever made. I feel like we have our life back now and get to enjoy the children without the monotony of the early years.

When I had 3 girls I didn’t feel done until my son was born 7years ago and I felt done straight away. Happy mum to four children aged 17, 14, 13 & 7

I am watching this thread

I have 2 dc 3 and 1 also! Had last child first week in first lockdown and I feel like this last year has been really bloody hard! Obviously I'm very lucky and I do think about another baby a lot as I wouldn't want them too far apart. But then again I think 3 is just bigger house bigger car more nursery bills and it's not one child each anymore hahaha

I do feel like we will have a moment of madness tho one night and that will be it but I'm currently selling off all my baby stuff and I do feel sad about it!

I have 3 DCs and my broodiness slightly reduces as each gets to early toddlerhood, then it rockets off again as they head towards 2.5/3.

Despite having health issues that would make carrying another child almost impossible, relationship issues, getting older and already feeling a bit guilty at the environmental impact of having 3, I've never stopped craving more babies, I love everything about them and conveniently minimise the challenges of pregnancy with small toddlers, the posseting and lack of sleep of newborns, the sibling rivalries and more. In another setup, I'd imagine that someone with my feelings would have carried on having more (and more) children.

That said... While I am still broody for babies, I no longer really want more actual.children right now. My head can see that my resources (financial, emotional and of time) are stretched pretty thin, and my heart is comprehensively overruled.

So long story short, I do feel finished having babies. However I think that for some of us, it takes a lot longer, if at all, to stop wanting them.

I have always wanted 4. We have just had number 4. I love being pregnant/newborns and was worried that the broodiness would still be lingering.

However I am so pleased that this has not been the case. I definitely feel done now. I expect there will be passing pangs of “I want to do it again” but I know in my heart of hearts this chapter of my life is now over. I am so so lucky I have been able to create the family I have always envisaged.

I think for a lot of people, it’s the process we crave. The ttc, the excitement of taking a test, the scans, the anticipation of birth, the maternity wards, the midwife visits, the attention, the overwhelming love you have in the first few weeks etc. I will definitely miss those things but I know I do not want anymore children.

@PowPurry

think for a lot of people, it’s the process we crave. The ttc, the excitement of taking a test, the scans, the anticipation of birth, the maternity wards, the midwife visits, the attention, the overwhelming love you have in the first few weeks etc. I will definitely miss those things but I know I do not want anymore children.

This is so true! You've hit the nail on the head there.

@Anonmumm2 I had my second during lockdown and feel very similar to you. I feel like I've been robbed of a maternity leave and often wonder whether my broodiness for a third is partly because of this.

I don't feel 'done' at all but I'm not sure we can afford another one.

I have 4 and I am done. Completely at peace and no pangs when I've held friends' babies.

I came to realise that some of what I'd felt was a yearning for a project. I love the whole process of making a baby from scratch and making it into a member of your family. So I've found some other project-y type things to scratch that itch.

I also came to realise that you can never get that first 2 weeks with your first baby back. Those 14 days were life affirming for me. I was a mother! Even with subsequent, adored babies, there is no replicating that feeling.

I realised also, that the pang I felt when I saw friends'babies was jealousy - I would give anything to hold each of my 4 newborns again for a moment. Having another child won't change that.

I feel so understood! I am beginning to question if it's a bit like addiction - addiction to the process of ttc, pregnancy, baby kicks, the nothing-in-the-world-like-it that is giving birth, and those incredible first weeks of a tiny tiny baby that was just inside of you five minutes ago. It all just flies by so fast!

I had my fourth last year.... And I want to be done. I want to be content with my little crew, and have the holidays and the time and the memory making experiences - but it's really hard to shake the 'just one more'.

Definitely feel done!! I think my fiancé is accepting of the fact he's only going to ever have one biological child (our daughter!)
I have three - 14, 11, and 11 months!!!

Yes you eventually do feel finished, the reasons are different for everyone and can take longer, mine was a traumatic birth (baby 10) which switched the feeling off, all the time the journey was going smooth the feeling didnt go away.

When my first 2 were 3 and 2 we decided to try for number 3. After a few months we were pregnant.... with twins. They were born when the older children were 4 and 3.
Now they are 9,7,4,4. They are the most fun and I'm not telling you as a cautionary tale. 3 or 4 children is a party and there's less pressure on them individually because we have a few. BUT , life is harder work than my friends who have 2. We always have to have 2 hotel rooms, the car, the different clubs. It's fabulous and I wouldn't have it any other way but sometimes I do wonder what it would be like if we had stuck at 2.

No- I don’t feel done, but won’t have more as DH doesn’t want more. Plus he wouldn’t cope well with 5 (or 6 of twins!)

Just bear in mind how different pregnancy and maternity leave are when you have more children already.

@MamaFirst the only thing that makes me not want another is when they all get ill with a sickness bug. It’s the worst.

I always wanted big family.
When I first fell pregnant I wanted 6.Had miscarriage,year later had DS and 22 months later another DS.For some unexplained reason, I wanted 3 boys and 3 girls.When they were 9&7 I was told I won't have anymore children I could conceived naturally.I was a bit upset but had wonderful job where I was surrounded by babies every day and thought it's fine,I have 2 great kids anyway.
Big surprise 3 years after diagnosis,fell pregnant but when 3rd DS was about 2,I started to worry and it upset me greatly that he will grow like an only child the gap between siblings was quite big.Another surprise as I conceived DD while on the coil.After she was born I suddenly stopped feeling this agonising broodiness and knew that 4 is more than enough.

Any update op? @Anonmumm2 in exactly the same boat 🙈