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Want large family but find babies hard
42

Myspiritan · 17/01/2021 20:05

Hi, just wondering if there’s anyone here with large family that found the baby stage hard. I have 2 DDs already and am considering more. My DH would keep going forever I think if he had the choice!! My biggest issue is that I really struggle with the baby stage. Both times I got very anxious and really struggled with lack of sleep etc. I’d hoped second time would be better and it was marginally but I still found it really really hard.

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Myspiritan · 21/01/2021 15:34

Anyone?

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Happycow · 21/01/2021 20:19

No help im afraid - i wanted a large family before i had children. Now after 2 DC thats definitely enough. Im late 30s and the thought of any more 12-month cycles of sleep deprivation put me off any more.

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LadyShmuck · 21/01/2021 20:23

I'm one of 4. My parents strongly advised me to stop at 2. I did. They are lovely and wonderful people but 4 children is a huge amount of work for a very long time.

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CoffeeRunner · 21/01/2021 20:24

Honestly, I’m glad I stopped at 3. I’m not in any way knocking anyone who has more but I don’t think I could have done it.

Also the cost - I’ve had two DCs at Uni already. I can’t imagine having 8 who all wanted to go 🤦🏻‍♀️. And of course you can’t stop them if that’s what they want, it wouldn’t be fair at all.

I’ve got a good friend with 8 ranging from 13 to 9 months. She seems to think they get cheaper as they get older. Not for me they haven’t!

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LadyShmuck · 21/01/2021 20:24

I will add that my siblings and I have a great relationship and are very close still now in our 30s. I would have loved to recreate that but there's no guarantees.

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Notmoreuodates5 · 21/01/2021 20:27

How old are your children OP? What makes you want a bigger family?

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Duckchick · 21/01/2021 20:33

I have 3 DC and am one of 4. I've found the baby stage has got harder with each baby I'm afraid - as well as a not sleeping baby you have older DC who sometimes wake. I have ended up doing a lot more of the nights with the baby by myself as DH is in with one of the others. Also, I don't know what your age gap is like, but with DC2 I got a midday break as DC1 still napped. With DC3 not a chance. If you went for a bigger gap to subsequent DC that becomes less of a problem, but then you don't get the same benefits of siblings being closer in age.

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sweetkitty · 21/01/2021 20:52

I have four, babies were easy compared to teenagers Grin

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Myspiritan · 21/01/2021 21:17

Thanks everyone! My children are 3 and 1. The things driving my pros list for more are the idea of a busy home with the children always having someone to play with etc and for the future too. My DP is the main reason though, he really loves being a dad and would love them to be a little gang I think. I just don’t know if I can face the baby stage again!

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Greenmarmalade · 21/01/2021 21:20

All babies are different and how they sleep makes a big difference too. I have 4. I found it easier from 3 onwards. My life is hectic but I like the hustle and bustle. Forget the idea of any time to rest/chill and a tidy house though! I know many families where 6 is the norm, and I do think it’s lovely- they all have extended family living in which I think makes it easier.

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RandomMess · 21/01/2021 21:21

I have 4, the only baby that was hard was #3 as she had silent reflux, it nearly broke is - endless screaming all day and only slept 11pm-6am 😬

I was very dedicated to getting mine fed during the day and maximising their sleep at night - I couldn't cosleep as they slept and I'd be awake!!

Babies easier than teens for me too and certainly much cheaper.

Much depends on the personality of your baby and how well they sleep at night...

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Plonque · 21/01/2021 21:33

I also have four.
If you find the baby stage hard then teenage is going to come as a bit of a shock.
I'd revert mine back to babies in a heartbeat. Really, honestly I would!
And "people" also say babies are expensive... GrinGrinGrinGrin is all I can say. They're nothing compared to teens - please believe me! Clothes, shoes, school, holidays, food Sad oh my god... THE FOOD! that my 15 & 13 yr olds can put down their necks 😫😫😫

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EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 21/01/2021 21:38

I'm the same as you op with the baby thing. I have 3dc. I like being pregnant, giving birth, and babies in theory but the reality of it to me is difficult. I worry too much and can't bear them crying. I fret that I don't know what's wrong with them. I'm so much happier when they can talk 😂
I think it comes from my first baby being absolutely unputdownable. He was so so hard. He cried from the minute he was born, non stop until he was about 6 months old. Well, it certainly felt like that anyway.

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Plonque · 21/01/2021 21:39

Sorry, took me so long to write I forgot my point (bloody kids interrupting - I rest my case!)
Babies are cute and lovely, but they grow up. Older kids are way more difficult, IMO. You need to consider your bigger picture and what your life might look like in the future.
Only you can decide ... but - If I knew then what I know now, I'd probably have stopped at two.

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Notmoreuodates5 · 21/01/2021 21:39

I wouldn’t OP. Not based on your DH. Your youngest do they sleep through? You still have time to consider even when your youngest is 2.

I agree. It’s the expense also.

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BabyYodaYada · 21/01/2021 21:43

I'm one of four. I always liked the idea of having more. But we stopped at two. Finances are the main obstacle to be honest. I also detested pregnancy and really couldn't face putting myself through that again. If a baby just magically got delivered by the stork, I would like that very much!

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BettyAndVeronica · 21/01/2021 21:52

I'd have loved a big family too. Lots of kids.
But yes the baby stage is hard. And not a lot of fun most of the time. (Much prefer 12m+).

But being realistic the world is hard these days for young people. I fully expect to have to support my kids into their 20s, with uni and deposits for first house etc. I want to do that for them.
And to me that's important, setting them up well takes a lot of effort and finance. I couldn't do that for as many as I would have liked. So I have 2 and hope everyday the broodiness eases.

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BettyAndVeronica · 21/01/2021 21:53

** but I do plan to foster.
As soon as both of mine are in the Juniors.

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MoreMorelos · 21/01/2021 21:55

Think about when they're teenagers- that really is the hardest time of all, toddler tantrums and sleepless nights seem a breeze now

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Catty1720 · 21/01/2021 22:03

I’m one of 6 I’ll have 2 max

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samanthawashington · 22/01/2021 09:33

@Myspiritan You need to seriously think about what you actually want. Your DH is not going to carry the main burden of child rearing, you are. Don't just focus on the baby stage, think about whether you want more than two. The cost, the ties, the career loss, difficulty with being at different schools and so on. Do you want to return to work? 4 children at different schools and ages, with different interests and temperaments, needs etc is a major commitment. You need to be focusing on all this not just the worry of the early years.

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Myspiritan · 22/01/2021 09:52

Lots of interesting POV thank you. I’m definitely not phased by the idea of more children and later on, I’ve loved it both times from about a year. We’re stable financially and I don’t think that’ll be an issue later on. My career is definitely on the standstill though which is a factor as I’d like to feel like I was able to develop that more but I’m also so aware all these issues are short term and will all be solvable. When I say I find babies hard, I mean really hard the hormone flip and lack of sleep really throw my mental health into absolute chaos and it takes a while to put that back together. I have both times so far. If my DP could take a turn I’d be all in!! I love children and don’t find the thought of more daunting. Well thank you all for your two pence - lots to think about

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turnitonagain · 22/01/2021 10:00

I found the baby stage horrible and it’s why I’ve stopped at 2. The lack of sleep completely affected my mental health for the worse. Cannot do it again no matter how much I like the idea of 3 adult children. The next one could be twins, or have additional needs - not sure I could cope.

It’s very personal though. I have a friend who loves babies but is overwhelmed by her 4 and 6 year old and constantly reminisces about when they were infants. Whereas I am the exact opposite - from 2.5/3 years old my DCs became so delightful.

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turnitonagain · 22/01/2021 10:01

When I say I find babies hard, I mean really hard the hormone flip and lack of sleep really throw my mental health into absolute chaos and it takes a while to put that back together.

I know exactly what to mean OP and very much relate to this.

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MissSmiley · 22/01/2021 10:09

I've got five, (7 years between them) I found the baby stage really hard, twins for my third pregnancy probably didn't help, the oldest four are all teenagers now and I'm finding things much much easier, could you afford help during the baby stage?

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