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Small age gaps.. talk to Me!
34

kmammamalto · 12/01/2020 21:45

So I have a 3yo, and a 12 week old and I'm eyeing up baby number three. I thought I was done at one, got pregnant unexpectedly and it's been literally wonderful, and now both DH and I think one more would make us a complete little family. But I would like to get it done sooner rather than later as I'm not getting any younger and just want to get all the baby stuff over and done with so as not to impact the oldest too much and other reasons too!
So, someone talk me out of starting to try like now! What's awful about it? What about my body and the birth ext? I'm ebf so what's that like being preggers?
Fwiw I had a v quick home birth with #2, no pain relief, no tears or stitches and no hospital stay. So may be I'm in a false sense of security...

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kmammamalto · 13/01/2020 12:28

BUMP!! No one..?!

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stuffingball · 13/01/2020 12:33

I have 14 months between mine and I'm not going to lie it's been bloody hard. Only getting easier now as youngest is 18 months. It's basically having 2 babies at once but at different stages and needs. Plus throw in a 3/4 year old Shock

But that's just me. If you are willing and think you will cope then go for it!

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Caspianberg · 13/01/2020 12:36

I personally wouldn't want a 12 month old and a newborn on purpose. Seems like both rely on you too much, 2 non-walkers, and elder needing feeding and changing help all through pregnancy and with newborn after.
A better 'small' gap would be 18-24 months in my opinion. As by then current baby should be walking, can play alone a bit, usually feed themselves most things, and often given up milk feeds etc

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BestBeforeYesterday · 13/01/2020 12:43

Why rush things? I had a 22 month gap and that was pretty hard work, a one year old and a new born AND a four year old is the stuff of nightmares! Even waiting just one more year would make things much easier imo.
My mum had exactly the age gaps you are planning with me and my siblings, she said it's very hard work for many years, not just for the first one or two years. And the middle one tends to get totally overlooked.

So, unless you are already in your forties, I'd give it a bit more time and enjoy your DC!

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troppibambini · 13/01/2020 12:56

Five year gap, three year gap, 13 month gap.
I wouldn't do the 13 month gap again if you paid me. It's hard. Really hard.
Although mine are 14,9,6 and 5 now and it's easier, in your shoes I would wait.

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Circlesroundandround · 13/01/2020 13:06

Not quite as small an age gap but 20 months and loved it. It was hard work and a bit crazy but it worked. They could go to the same groups/activies/club etc and similar interests for quite a while which helped. Once passed the weaning stage, baby/toddler meals are similar. They can have the same bedtime and routine. Same nursery/childminder and then possibly school (within reason) If you are changing one nappy, changing another doesn't really make that much difference. I would highly recommend using cloth nappies btw. You have to be organised and plan things but for me it worked.

Fast forward and we ended up with a 9 year gap between middle one and youngest. We didn't want a huge gap but that is how things turned out. I have found that age gap a challenge. Their needs are all so different, different activites, different schedules, different childminder and two different schools. Days out are a challenge to cater for everyones entertainment. I would take a small age gap any day!! That said we waited a long time for our youngest to come along and wouldn't be without our youngest. So my point is, whatever age gap you have can be hard work in different ways and you work with things accordingly.

Don't forget it could be your hormones swimming around at the moment influencing your decision. Perhaps see how you feel in a month or two. If you decided to go ahead you would still have a small gap.

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namechangenewness · 13/01/2020 13:20

I have a small ish gap between DC1 and DC2. I tried to aim for the same gap for DC3, getting fixated on the age gap. DC3 took a lot longer than anticipated and there's now just over 5 years between DC1 and DC3. I am so glad the universe stepped in! I feel like a can truly enjoy DC3 now the others are more independent and now I understand why people say a 3/4 year gap is perfect. The statements of 'ooh I have two under two' etc I think became trendy but it's tough and sometimes it's better just to chill out for a bit.

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KeepThosePlatesSpinning · 13/01/2020 13:28

Only you know whether your babies walk late, crawl early etc. Our youngest stood before she crawled, so was over a year before she started crawling. Having been at a toddler group with a mum with a new born and a wobbly, walking, 11 month old, I think she had some regrets. It's too close a gap for me.

How much is DH around to help?

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kmammamalto · 13/01/2020 15:56

Wow that is a resounding no!! 😂
DH isn't really around at all But I'm not going back to work so no pressures there.
I'm 32 so it's not age pressures as in I'll be too old, more that I just want it over and done with because ultimately I would like three but don't want to leave it long as going back to pregnancy and baby etc is not the bit I'm looking forward to. It's the bigger picture!
Do any of you have three? Good points? Regrets?

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troppibambini · 13/01/2020 16:17

I have four. Three was fine .Third baby was very easy slept through from 7 weeks which is probably why I was pregnant again when he was 14 weeks old...Grin

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Immaback · 13/01/2020 16:33

I have two (3yo and 1 year old) and posts like this blow my mind! I would love to have another but know I just couldn’t cope. Fair play to you, If you’re coping well now then that’s a good sign!
Something to consider though is that you will probably not start ovulating for a few months yet. Ebf is considered a form (I know not 100%) of contraceptive for the first 6 months. Did you get your period back early with your first? I was 9 months and 8 months with my two and was ebf both I do know friends that got it back earlier but they were mostly mixed feeding

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namechangenewness · 13/01/2020 18:25

My DC3 is lovely, another good baby but as I said I'm glad the age gap was bigger than originally planned. The older two are of an age where they understand that I need to feed her etc and they love her so much.

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WeShouldBeFriends · 13/01/2020 18:28

There's a reason breastfeeding suppresses ovulation for a good 18months or so!

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Hannahlouise4026 · 13/01/2020 21:57

I have 13m between my eldest two (now 5&6) and then 5 year gap (youngest now 9m)
I have found the big gap brilliant, my eldest two have been great with him. I found the small gap difficult but then there were really postive sides to it (shared interests, they went to nursery, swimming clubs etc together) we are keen to have another, and possibly have a 2 year gap, so somewhere in the middle of the previous ones!

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Threnody · 14/01/2020 10:28

I have three, age gaps are 20 months, and 23 months. That's a pretty good gap, the older one is old enough to be excited by the baby, and if you're lucky will be napping still.
Breastfeeding doesn't suppress ovulation for 18 months - everyone is different.

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kmammamalto · 14/01/2020 16:21

A few more positive stories thanks ladies! I love the idea of some of the up sides of the small gaps. Do any of you think the lack of one to one attention has had any affect?
Today I'm feeling a bit more down to earth shall we say... this thread definitely burst my bubble. Not in a terrible way just in a realistic way! The 3yo is recovering from chicken pox and I've found them on the baby today and I'm full of cold myself, plus husband was away on different continent for the weekend so currently entering day 10 on my own with them! 😂 but I'm surviving and I still love it so feeling positive a about three!
How did you guys find the 2-3 compared to 1-2?
And to the poster who thought this was madness (sorry I forget names 😩) i literally thought the same a few months ago, I never ever would have thought this would be me...

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kmammamalto · 14/01/2020 16:23

@threnody right?! My 3yo dropped naps and nappies right in the middle of baby...how do your three get on now?

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Busymummy16 · 14/01/2020 17:21

I have 3 - age gap of 19 months between 1-2 and 3 years 10 months to no 3, so 5.5 years 1-3. Not planned that way as had 2 MCs, would’ve had a 2.5-3yr gap otherwise.
Pros have been that I have had lots of quality time with no 3, and our middle didn’t get squashed and had lots of time (still feel sorry for no 1 that she was the baby for such a short time) it was great that no 1 and 2 were in school and nursery.. cons are that no 3 seems to be a lot younger than the other two, who are like twins, and gets left behind a bit, not at same stages but overall I’m glad it worked out that way as it would’ve been too intense for me to have 3 all at a similar stage - good luck with whatever you decide!

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AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 14/01/2020 19:26

I have 3, but big gaps. There are 3 years between my youngest 2.
I wouldn't dream of doing what you're contemplating - you'd have a child in reception and everything that entails, a 1 year old and a newborn. I feel stressed just thinking about that!

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mammymammymammy · 14/01/2020 22:23

I have a 16 month gap between dc1 & 2 and a 10 month gap between dc2 & 3 , we had a four year gap then had another 3dc in three years . To be honest the 10 month gap was the easiest for me , I was still in the baby stage and after a few weeks everyone fitted into a routine. Dc2 was the most chilled out baby ever though so that probably helped . Don't get me wrong some days were chaos but for the most part it worked out well . Be prepared to be very organised and you'd get through . I had six children in nine years so maybe I'm biased Blush

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lookingatthepast · 14/01/2020 22:26

11 months between my two youngest. Irish twins (both born the same year ) looking back bloody hard work. Really hard. But then suddenly they are all at school and it's done with ! Would i have them as close if I had my time all over again. Not sure. Probably not. I can hardly remember my youngest as a baby . She always had to be put straight down so I could investigate what the 11 month old was getting into. A school age gap is better imo

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lookingatthepast · 14/01/2020 22:27

Mine are now 14, 8,7 and 6
Years 9 , 4 , 2 and 1
Yes I am mad

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PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 14/01/2020 22:32

Hey; if you had smooth pregnancies and straightforward births crack on.

I have three - two twenty month gaps. The oldest two absolutely dote on my youngest, she is the apple of their eyes.

Physically my second and then the third pregnancy and deliveries wiped me. I had to have a CS for the third after specifically wanting to avoid that happening.

If you do decide to leave a short gap here’s what I suggest:

  1. Eat healthy and well
  2. Get strong and move more
  3. Supplement; iron, vit C, the works
  4. Leave a further six months; your body will be depleted and you have to up your reserves

    So from the “will they get along/will they stress me into an early grave/am I mad” perspective I would say go for it.

    But don’t make assumptions about your physical capabilities and make sure you’re in tip top physical peak before having another pregnancy. Take it from one who’s been there and good luck.
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NoEuropeWho · 14/01/2020 22:54

I currently have a 4 year old and a just 1 year old. So think of this as a message from your future self. Clearly I adore them but the chaos of the second child is only really kicking in now. At first you’re just doing the same stuff with your preschooler, but toting a cute little baby around with you (and having less sleep obvs). And now... they sort of want to play together but it has to be closely supervised or somebody ends up wailing (because they’ve been inadvertently shoved over by the larger one, or had their Lego construction smashed by the smaller one) and the smaller one loves to wait until I’m distracted by the larger one’s (endless and pointless) chatter to go and shin up a ladder or eat a phone charger or some such. The idea of adding a newborn to the mix right now... holy shit.

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Amicompletelyinsane · 14/01/2020 22:57

I have 3 children. There's 4 years between oldest and youngest. It was hard when they were smaller but I've seen friends with big gaps and it's like they are starting baby years again. Now mine are a bit bigger it's nice they are all into the same kind of stages and days out work well. If I did it all again I'd keep the small gaps

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