Anyone got any tips on how to decide whether to have a third baby?

[Isthreeacrowd]

I know it's completely personal and everyone's circumstances and reasons are different but I wondered if anyone has any pearls of wisdom to share?

I have a 6yo DD and a 3yo DD who will be 4 in May. Husband works away a lot which will mean a lot of work for yours truly. Husband would def have another but there is no pressure from him whatsoever and decision is completely mine. I am going round in circles thinking of all the pros and cons and sometimes I am totally for it and other times I wonder whether it will be too hard to go back again just as life is getting easier child rearing wise. I even try to go with my gut instinct but this changes with the hour too!

I just don't know how to finally make the decision. Help!

Hi zippy

Sorry to hear it's tricky for you. No harm seeing the gp. The luteal phase might be quite easily lengthened. Not sure how these things work, sorry.

I've had a few 'no' days recently and it's been because we've had such a lovely time as a family of 4. The freedom of no buggy/nappies/regular feeding is phenomenal and these two seem so happy.

It's such a difficult decision, good luck with what you choose. X

isthree I'm afraid I have pearls of wisdom at all to share. I decided to go for it because despite the negatives (financial etc) I just couldn't imagine not having another and couldn't imagine anything making me happier. However in the space of time that I've been ttc and have encountered problems ttc I am wavering. My eldest is going through a pretty challenging phase , my FIL had a chat with me recently about how difficult it has been having a child with SEN (BIL is autistic) and I am back to thinking I don't know how I would cope if this was the case with dc3 (my 2dcs are not autistic by the way). And I guess I'd forgotten how crazy ttc sends me. I am obsessed- I can think of nothing but ttc and am missing out on enjoying the dcs I have. It's making me so anxious.

I have results of bloods 21 day progesterone tomorrow at gp appointment and to discuss my luteal phase defect. So will se what the outcome of that is.

molotov I had given myself 12 months to get pregnant however I didn't realise it would make me so anxious and unhappy or that I would have any problems- so might have to cut that!

I thought you'd decided to go for it? It's so difficult isn't it? I can change my mind back and forth a doZen times a day!

Thanks bean it's tough isn't it? Good luck to you too.

isthree sorry that should have read I have NO pearls of wisdom! None!! Good luck x

I had a similar dilemma at the start of last year - additionally had a few of my own health concerns to add in to the mix. Anyway one of the things I was advised was next time we were all sat at the dinner table to see if it felt like we were complete or if someone was missing. To me it felt like there was a space for someone else.

My DH was still not entirely convinced so we agreed we would try for 3 months and if nothing happened forget the idea.

I am now sat here holding the result and so far (3 months in) it has been so much easier than I expected. I know there's still lots of time for things to get harder but I was really concerned about a newborn and the older 2. The older 2 have each other when I'm doing something with the baby so in this respect it's easier than when I had DC2.

Good luck whatever you decide - I know what it's like to go round in circles!

Congrats Summer, how old are your other 2 DC?

Zippy good luck ttc. I hope you aren't suffering too much with the obsessing and anxiety.

Bean I'm having 'yes' days at the moment! But I totally get what you mean about the ease of having no baby in the family. Life is just, well, easier. And when I think about having a baby again the disruption does worry me...but then I think about when the first tough 3 years have passed and how fun it will be. And all the nice bits in between the sleepless nights, early wakings, weaning, naps etc. But part of me just think why go through all the tough bits again?

Know what I mean molotov?!

I've had a simultaneous yes/no day: pangs of broodiness over my friend's 20w/3rd baby bump; my dd2 having thoroughly outgrown her buggy and the girls playing beautifully from 4-5pm.

It all went tits up from 5pm with various demands, refusals, tantrums and meltdowns (me included, I'm sorry to say).

AF is due. I'm a spotty, hypertensive short-tempered shadow of my usual self who needs to either get of, or use hormonal contraception to stop AF.

*pg not of

After my 1st 2 girls, they were 21 months apart, I just had a niggle that wouldn't go away......I didn't have time on my side to wait a few years as I was the wrong side of 35, so we just went for it!

We live abroad, no family support and husband works away ALOT, its extremely hard work but I absolutely love having 3. They are now 1.5, 3.5 and 5.5.

I would have regretted it if I hadn't just gone for it.

But it took quite a lot of debating and the more we debated it the stronger the case for another one became.

Now I have 3, I don't have the slightest niggle anymore!!!!

In fact when I hear of friends being pregnant I am glad its not my turn again ;-)

My other 2DC are 5 and 3.

I was always concerned about 3 not being a great number and 1 always being left out. Obviously too early to say now but time will tell.

Post 5pm is often tits up time in our house too molotov!!

Just quickly Molotov - our three are 6, 3 and 2 and we don't have a 7 seater! In fact, we fit us two, the three kids, two bikes, a scooter and various bags into our fiat grande punto yesterday!

Xx

3 would be fine in our car crazy. It's twins, so 4 dcs that panics me.

I don't even know why I'm worrying about twins. My mum's sister had twins but I don't think any more run through my mum's side of the family. Must have come from tje twins' fathers' side.

I am 35 and had have DD1 5 DD2 nearly 4 and DS who is 10months.

The big ones don't miss out on the me time I don't think. They are close in age so have always been around each other and enjoy being with each other which obviously easier.

DS is a dream, and gets me to himself when DD1 is at school and DD2 is at preschool.

They all fit in the back of my car, and the only complicated bit is weekends when we have parties/dance classes etc to go to so DS gets lugged around quite a bit.

DH wasn't sure about DC3 but as we had agreed before DD1 we would have 3 felt he should give it a go and he even mentioned number 4 the other week I explained that wouldnt' be with me

I found DD2 much harder to cope with as DD1 was still so little. The bigger age gap makes life a lot easier. And don't forget that your DC will be at least 12 months old when a DC3 came along. It depends on whether you see that as a good thing, or it makes you less keen as life is easier. Maybe your thoughts on that would give you an inkling as to whether you really want a third?!

sorry *12 months older

Ooh, I see Molotov. Well, SIL is expecting one baby in April, and she's a twin!