3+ children - how much help are you getting? And more questions..

[lastexitbrooklyn]

Our 3rd child is due in summer (the other two are 2 and 4). We live in central London without car, I am a SAHM at the moment. Husband not very hands on at all and working long hours. We have no family nearby.

The question is: how much help are you all getting? Do you do all the housework, school-run (bus and walking for us) and 3+ kids, including activities alone? I am thinking I probably need someone to help.

Do you have other strategies? I guess it would help to make friends with other 3+ families so play dates would be easier, etc

Do your children do activities? It seems a lot of juggling..

How do you prepare the older children, and especially the middle child for the new arrival? So far our two get on very well with each other (well, of course they bicker a fair bit too...)

Do you have any other tips?

thanks a lot

Ideally get some help, I didn't, but definitely a good idea, a cleaner or someone to take the older 2 to nursery / school.

I do a lot of juggling and share lifts, where needed, to activities.

The children will be fine with another one I'm sure. Would be a good idea to manage their expectations a bit ie new baby will take a lot of mummy's time for a bit and wont be fun to play with for quite a while. But the new baby will bring a present with them for you.

I had ds3 when the other two were 2 and 4. I didn't get much help. A friend did the school run for a month as I was on my own (OH working away) and recovering from emer csection. Apart from that, it's doable on your own. But if you want and can get help, then I say go for it!

Frog - great idea sharing lifts. will have to be much more organised.. and yes, will need to start managing the other 2 kids expectations..

captain - glad that you have a friend who helped you out! am secretly hoping for a csection this time around but i guess it has a lot of downsides as well, especially if you already have 2 kids... (my 1st also was a csection, second was a pretty horrible VBAC).

I found the baby bit relatively easy (although mine were 5 & 3).

Dh took a weeks leave and we have a weekly cleaner anyway.

It was when ds3 was mobile that after school stuff became a problem. That's when I got help a couple of days after school to stay home with the smallest one while I ferried the other 2 (who generally did the same stuff).

Baby in car seat will sleep/feed/be cuddled while children do music/swim/whatever. Crawling baby gets cross/tries to escape/yells loudly when restrained.

I have 3, they are 10m, 5y and 8y. I have no help, dh works long hours. It is doable but in my ideal world I'd have a cleaner and a babysitter to look after younger two while I take oldest to activities.

I live in central Paris, where many families don't have a car but those with more than one child almost always have a nounou (a sort of nanny-housekeeper) who runs a lot of the child-related errands (activities, school run, park trips).

A nounou! Boy I'd love one of them! My 2 older two were 4 and nearly 2 when ds3 was born and at that time I didn't really have any help. However I do now have a cleaner 2 hours a week as I found every Saturday morning was spent cleaning toilets etc and it was driving me crazy. That 2 hours cleaning time has made a huge difference to me, it is SO worth it.
I'm now starting to think if we have a dc4 we should try to time it to arrive just before or in summer holidays to give me a few weeks of no school run as I imagine that will be tricky. (with ds3 I only had nursery run so not quite as much of a disaster if I'm a couple of minutes after bell goes )

I have 5 children, 9,6,16 months, 5 months twins.

I don't drive I do all house work cleaning dinner etc!

Youngest 3 all in bed by 6pm till 8am

Older two in bed 7:30 and then woken up for school at 7:30am

:) all is good if you have a routinr

I have 4, oldest is nearly 12, then 9, 4 (yesterday!) and 1. I too have no family at all around and my dh works away (abroad) most weeks but I do have help around the house in the form of 5 hours cleaning/ironing a week and it does make a big difference to me although here i am at nearly 9pm still doing some ironing! We have a million animals too (not quite!) and when number 4 arrived I booked a dog walker for twice a week so I didn't have to go out in the pouring rain with a newborn and others!
I do spend a lot of time running around after school and now weekends (nearly 12 year old has a social life that I can only envy!) dropping kids to activities and friends and having children back here too. I am a bit disorganised so don't mind a bit of chaos, but I do have a car which we are constantly piling in and out of! I go to every playgroup etc going too as I like being out of the house too as else i just spend all day tidying and washing and it doesn't seem fair on little ones so maybe go to as much of these too?
It is lovely though so do enjoy!

im due with DC3 next week. older two are 3.5 and 2. dp works super long hours and we have no family around.
we've always had a cleaner once a week.
DC1 and 2 go to nursery 3 full days a week.
for a month now we have had a "mother's help" 3 evenings a week (6-8.30) to help me cook, feed, bath the kids, help with tidy up. we are planning to keep her for a year and then see how it goes. she also does take care of dc2 while i take dc1 to music class.
we live super close to the school so i am hoping for minimal ferrying later on...!
the way i see it is i am not superwoman and we want the children to grow up in a relaxed environment and not with a stressed shouty mum (which i would be if i didnt have help).
so it is expensive but it is necessary in our opinion.

I'm SAHM at the moment, dc3 is 3 weeks old and I do it all when DH is at work. You just have to find a routine of sorts.

They don't need to do scheduled activities at that age, if possible look at activities that are after school at the school to avoid transporting. I don't have help but I use the after school club sometimes so there's no rushing.

I have 4 DC, 7, 6, 3 and 2 and have no help at all.

DP works long hours and I am a SAHM, it's reall bloody hard at times, if you can afford it get a cleaner, an ironing lady, a dog walker, a nanny :D no I love it but its full on

We do it all except when dh is away and my inlaws pick the eldest up from school as I don't drive (yet). We have 4

Oh how much do I do? Dh brings in the money does a bit of cooking, mows the lawn, takes the bin out etc as well as picking ds1 from school. I do the rest

I'm in a simmilar position to you, op, except that I have 4dds. I'm in central London, no familer support (they are all half a world away!), a sahm mum and dh works long hours. Adding to our mix is that we are slowly doing up a house! Dds are 5, almost 4, 2 and 4 months.

I don't do all the housework, it just doesn't get done!!! I keep the ground floor reasonably tidy, upstairs is another matter. Downstiars can be completely trashed in a couple of hours when dd4 just wants to feed. May take a couple of days to get on top of it - i pray we have no unannounced visitors in that period! I could do with a cleaner, however, not worth it until we get the bathrooms renovated. I've had cleaners before and I am busy cleaning before they arrive!

Dh pulls his weight a lot more now and is very active with the kids. Also better around the house, and I cannot really complain!

My girls do gymnastics, it is a logistical nightmare. I take all my four plus buggy and scooters. It is hard entertaining them all while the other is in their class (two seperate classes for the two oldest). My oldest does tap as part of an after-school class, that helps a lot, and dd2 will be able to do it in Sept also.

I second come of the comments of sharing school runs. I have three different school runs to juggle (urgh) and I need a car to do some of them. I also help out others when I can, and I now have a couple of people I can get to help me (like this week when our car failed its MOT).

It's hard, really hard. There are not many around me (well, only a couple of others and I do not know them well) that have four, and so close together). It's hard to arrange playdates for all of them, and dd2 is kind of jealous of dd1 being at school (roll on Sept!).

I guess routine is a great help, but with dd4 still only four months, the routine is only just sorting itself out.I have a rucksack full of pencils, paper, toys and food (and nappies and wipes!), that helps also. Good luck!

We had the third when the others were 3 and 1. We both worked full time and I just took 2 weeks off work so yes, there was help between 8 and 6 when the daily nanny was there looking after the 3 of them but we certainly could not afford a cleaner or any other help and as I do not do sexist relationships we both did as much with the children and the house as each other.

I have 4 and as a lone parent I do everything, My youngest is two and I can't afford a cleaner, cook, ironer or whatever! Its bloody hard work and I take a certain pride in knowing that its all down to me (would love some one to do my washing though

I was in a v similar situation to you. My two DDs were 4 & 2 when DS was born and I lived in central London. My mother lived hours away and DH at work a lot. The simple fact is that life is easier if you can get some help, so really it comes down to what you can afford. There are no particular prizes for doing it all yourself - I found it bloody hard work, particularly the first 6 months, and I did have some help. I had a cleaner who came in for 3 hours a week, which really helped keep the worst of the encroaching filth at bay(!) and I also had a lovely Polish au pair who came in two mornings a week for approx 4 hrs each time, which gave me a chance to have a break. There is no doubt in my mind that if I could have afforded to have my au pair come in more often I would have done.

I would say that the most important thing is to get a decent sling if you don't have one already. The school run, in the rush hour on a bus, is simply NOT POSSIBLE with a pushchair. When my DS was born DD2 was still at home full time and DD1 was at a nursery about 5 mins walk away, so no busses involved, but once DD1 started school when DS was about 4 months old we had to take the bus. I did try with the buggy, but not a hope, busy route down the King's Rd and so no chance of getting on. DS had to go in sling and DD2 (even though she was only 2.6) had to walk. We soon got into the swing of it and people were always totally brilliant, I would plaster a big smile on my face and herd the children on and we would nearly always be given a seat by someone even though the bus was jammed full. The girls totally loved all those bus trips - funnily enough it's one of the things they say they miss now we have moved out of London!

The other thing I would say is take a long hard look at your day with the two older children and work out the baby's routine around that. e.g. I had to drop DD1 at school at 8.30am, DD2 at nursery (different location) at 9am, pick up DD2 at midday, pick up DD1 at 3pm. DS's routine - i.e. feeds and naps therefore had to be fitted around that. He simply had to be fed at a certain time and I had to work out when he could have naps. Interestingly I found he adapted v easily to the routine - maybe it was just because he had to. He was such an easy baby - toted here there and everywhere in the sling, as we rushed around to his sisters' playdates and activities etc etc he was always happy and adaptable.

i have 4 dcs

the 17yo study for a levels now and lives with her dad

other 3 live with me.dp doesnt live with us and i do it all on my own

i try to do a lot activities through school as it means there is often anothe mum that can help with ferrying late kids home if i take in the before school clubbers with mine

i dont drive

i second a sling for baby.it makes mobility a lot easier and they often stay akip after school run drops and allow you to get a bit done round house

ive recently joined the flyladys on good housekeeping in the hope now mine are older we can be tidy,but i fear its alosing battle

i accept mess is ok,filth isnt as my dcs will never look back fondly that mum spent hours scrubbing floors rather than taking them to the park!

routines and organization is definately the key to holding it all together but accepting it wont all get done everyday is vital or you will drive yourself nuts with frustration
good luck.im sure it will be fine

I had 3 under 5, no help whatsoever, couldn't even get Homestart where i lived & we were too skint to get a nanny / Mother's help / au pair. Did get a cleaner for 3 hours/week which was a Godsend. Part-time job, too. No wonder I jacked that in.

I wish that someone had told me that it's much much harder to be a working parent when you have > 2 kids. At any rate, it was too hard for me (no family or friend support whatsoever).

I have 6 kids aged 4-14. No other family near. Dh works full time. I work almost full time. We have no help. Kids do loads of activities. It is manageable. That said it is vvvvv hard work. I am totally exhausted and my mental health has suffered.
I would say if you can afford any help at all then go for it.It will be worth it for your own wellbeing.

I have 4 under 9. A CM collects big dc from school two days a week - and my mum is relentlessly enthusiastic Saturday's and holidays.

IME the benefit isn't even just 'a break' - but a chance to spend individual time with DC, and a chance to parent as more than 'crowd control'.

I do do after school activities with all 4. It requires a super thick skin & preplanning - but it's doable. I schedule parallel or consecutive activities.

I have quite a lot of help with my 5 - my husband works part time (so do I) and we have a cleaner, a gardener and a baby sitter one evening a fortnight. Until the twins were two, when DH worked full time, I also had help with the school run and 20 hours domestic help a week - this was sooo much more valuable than holidays or new clothes.

Had 3 under 4, dh worked 18 hour days, no help, hated the first year, bloody hard work, LOTS of routines to keep me sane and now look back and wonder how I/we did it.... Good now though as they;re all of a similar age, play together and all like much the same outings.