What's it like to be a child in a large family?

[Cloudminnow]

Has anyone been a DC within a large family? What's it like? Did it make you want to have lots of your own DCs or did it make you choose to have a smaller family?

One of seven kids. Got four of my own.

I think its more challenging now as there is more things to deal with with children today.

If you are from a smaller family it can seem a lot to deal with.

I think a lot of people look back on their childhoods as an adult and wish things had been different. I also think most parents look back with some regret and think they would have done things differently. Look at how different grandparents can be in that role. My dh doesn't recognise his Father with his grandchildren compared to how he was as a Dad.

I was an only child and had a miserable childhood I had so much attention from my parent it felt like I was suffocating. My parents had both come from large families and wanted to make sure they had enough money unlike their own childhoods but all I wanted was brothers and sisters. I was adopted and met my siblings when I was 20 (2 brothers, 2 sisters). They have an emotional safety net that is always there for them no matter what and that is priceless. My children fight but when something happens to one of them I have seen them step up and be there for one another. I think its easy to focus on the negatives sometimes seeing what you don't have rather than what you do.

I now work with children who are living in care most of whom are separated from their siblings. I read something the other day from a little boy aged 9 who was asked who is the most important person to you, he replied the postman, because he brings me letters from my brother.

No one is a perfect parent - most people are just trying the best they can.

I was only one of three, but I remember very little "parent" time. I think maybe it was just a different era. When my mum was growing up, people didn't have washing machines or hoovers so mums did have to spend all day doing housework, so she did the same when we were little. Having said that though, I don't think I really missed out. My happiest memories are of playing in the garden in all weathers with my sisters, and we all did extra curricular stuff. Some of it was free and if one of us did something, all of us would, so Thursday evening would be spent at the swimming baths, Wednesdays at the tap teacher's house etc. Although being one of three is very different to being one of fourteen :)

I have three of my own and I'm currently expected DC4. My eldest is still only six. There isn't a lot of room in our house, but I think everybody's happy at the moment. DS1 helps me out, but he offers to. I put him under no pressure to do anything. He sometimes washes up and he likes to push the buggy. when he was four he offered to hold DS3 while I made dinner. I told him no!! There will be no expectation for him or DS2 to change nappies or feed DC4 or babysit. I try to make a fuss of each of them. I want them to enjoy their childhood and hopefully remember it as a happy time when they always had someone to play with.

personally i would NEVER have a large family, a big age gap between kids ect, i had the worst time ever, and now kinda dispise kids, had to bring up my brother from the age of 10 coz mother 'couldn't be bothered' when parents split again i had to be the responsible adult, blended family came into it, now have 3 younger step siblings, there great (fake smile) the house is noisey you can't get your own space, fight for attention, i'd have to wait to spend any time with dad untill all kids in bed and settled (bout 9pm) then hr infront of tv until i was 18, then we'd disapear 1s a month to pub.

pros- didn't get a shock leaving home having to fend for myself, i'd had plenty of experience
you know how to be a parent already
budgeting comes naturally as you've watched you family do it - e.g. i'm like the only student with a good amount of savings

many pros for parents i suppose- can take a bit of a back seat let your older ones do it

cons - loud
attention fighting
loose childhood
live off a shoe string (school trips out of question for most families)
can never get away (for me it was uni, death or find a job get into to debt having a house)
no alone time

i'm sure some people are cut out for large family lives... me erm no i'm now struggling to live in halls with other people :P

Child 2 of 4. Older sister, two younger brothers. Yeah, I had to do a lot of parenting, but that was the fault of my parents not my siblings. I have one son now and have no idea if I want more children. He's my special little guy. My younger brothers were special needs as well, so my sister was the star, my brother's the baby, and I was left out. My parents were very uninvolved with me and my life. It makes my IL's feel suffocating because they won't bugger off enough to suit me. They were super involved in my DH's life, he was an only child. I think 2 is really a good number. I just don't know if I want two, but I know my son wants a sibling (he's 15 mo) but he just lights up having another kid around to play with. He looks for his friends if they leave when he's not watching.

I am the youngest of 5, all very close in age. We have all gone on to have between 2 and 5 children ourselves.
I enjoyed my childhood, I don't really have any particular hang-ups. I am still close to my siblings. We were always very money conscious, but not any more than most others.
It is hard to strike out as an individual as anything you do has been done before.
As the youngest when it came to me having children my parents had seen and done the grandchildren thing many many times over. Fortunately my children are the first on my DH's side, so they do get some attention.

Slug's pros and cons are very similar to mine! Think I enjoyed the experience rather more though...

I am 2nd of 9. I loved my big family but it was hard too. Regarding money I never felt we didn't have enough (we weren't rich though!), but that my parents were sensible - no gadgets for the sake of gadgets, no designer clothes coz they're no better than cheap/charity ones, etc, and instead of those things we went on holiday every year (in UK, self-catering or camping) and were always allowed to go on school trips - even the one to Russia which cost a lot I remember.

For me, pros are...

• You become very independant
• becoming a parent yourself is very easy
• seeing younger siblings grow up. It feels special coz I remembered them as babies/helped rear them
• life is rarely boring, always someone to talk to
• both pro and con: you get used to standing up for yourself but this can also instill false confidence
• I never worry about being left alone by family, I know there will always be someone there
• You can pick and choose your favourite sibling to spend your time with!

And cons:

• Endless noise, always shouting to be heard (not til I went to uni did I realise how loud I spoke all the time), my mum virtually never listened to an entire sentence if other kids were around
• on the same vein, your parents cannot give enough time to each child. Just isn't possible
• Felt starved of hugs and general attention
• No one notices for ages if you're not there
• kids gang up, though this wasn't a huge issue
• no new clothes (only hand-me-downs or as presents) until I could buy them out of my own money
• Never allowed to buy 'expensive' ice creams on holiday! I think we were limited to 80p or something...
• I felt pressure to be boyish (though I'm sure I wasn't really) because I was the only girl til no. 7 came along. i.e. felt guilty putting on makeup (still have to justify it now sometimes!)

I'm sure there are more of both...

Of all these things, I choose not to have a large family myself pretty much exclusively because of the lack of attention you're able to give the kids. However, I am very much against what I think of as 'too small' families (one or two kids) because of the great joy of having a decent sized family can bring.