concidering a fourth

[hugeleyoutnumbered]

we are a happy healthy couple with three beautiful dc, and we have been chatting about having a fourth, we are financially stable.
Is it more difficult with four as opposed to three?

hi
just watching with interest as I am in a similar position to you except my DH isn't too sure as yet, but DS3 is only 6 months so early days yet. What age are yours? Mine are 5, 2 and 6months

hiya thinking of you, my three are 6,5, and 17months.

All boys and part of me wonders if he wants a girl, rather than an addition to our family.
The older 2 are so close I feel that it would be lovely for the baby to have someone to grow up with, but ours were all unplanned so this whole planning thing seems a bit daunting. I must admit the addition of ds3 was far less life changing than that of the other two, and he seemed to fit right in rather than us fit in with the baby, but am guessing thats just experience.

It was my husband that brought it up, I had not really been thinking about another one, but I have to confess I am warming rapidly to the idea, thinking of waiting until september time, ds3 will be two by then.

I was just keen to talk to other people in a similar situation, have a great christmas

We had 3xds too and had a wee accident who arrived 10 weeks ago-boy by the way. Mine are 5.5, 3.5, 21 months and 10 weeks. 2-3 was no bother to be honest as ds3 was a fab sleeper. Ds4 not so fab in that department yet but we'll breAk him (he's breaking me tbh just now - on tit now and wired).

I am exhausted but I don't have help and they are all young. I don't regret ds4 and glad he's here. It presents car issues just now but we'll get there and I do worry about the money (4 teenage boys - food and car insurance bills).

I say go for it but be prepared for another boy. In a way I'm secretly pleased ds4 a boy- makes things a bit easier and I know why I'm doing with boys.

Yes I have 3 boys too!! For me I think it might it easier when needing to split them for whatever reason as it would mean no-one was left in their own! At the moment the big two share a room which is lovely and I hate thinking that the baby will have a room on his own. Having said that we only have 4 bedrooms so a fourth child would mean they couldn't have a room each as things stand ( but there is possibility we could do loft conversion eventually when they were all bigger and needing their own space)

I LOVE the idea of 4 boys tbh, but a girl would be lovely too ( if something of a challenge!!)

So overall not very practical but I think it would feel right. At the moment I'm thinking we'll wait till baby is a year old in may and see how we both feel then. It could also sl bugger up work for me a bit as I'm expecting a couple of interesting jobs to come up in next year. However I'm 33 already so don't really want to be putting it off too long!!! ( family history of premature menopause so would be risky)
Doesn't feel right to put career before family, though arguably I have been doing this for last 5 years already so

Maybe we should just go for it now and have an even smaller gap than last time (prev gaps are 30months and 20 months. If I got pregnant now gap would only be 16 months!)

4 bedrooms is great in my book - we have 2 proper bedrooms and 2 boxes so they all have a room except for DS4 and when I say room I really mean cupboard. They don't seem to notice. DS4 has really been the final nail in my career coffin however - they don't take me remotely seriously now despite doing 4 full days and 2 hours a night extra at home until the day before I gave birth

Aw lolly maybe work will take you more seriously in a few years once they know there are no more mini lollies on the way.
It is a bit of a worry though, I dont know anyone in my field with 4, though quite a few with 3. I wonder why 4 seems to cross the line for some people??

In my field IF the women have kids they have 2 and then they are generally written off and start working 3 days. alot just don't have them- the men can't seem to get their heads around why a woman with kids would also want a career as most of their wives don't work

Sounds v v tough. But maybe just needs a trailblazer like you to show it CAN be done

I thought alot before I had a 4th. I had 3 ds and then had a dd. she is gorgeous and more fun in some ways but as ds1&2 are close she makes ds3 different and she's different being a girl, sometimes think it would have been easier if she'd been a boy. 4 is hard work but can be lots of fun as well. Go for it you don't want to regret it later

How organised are you?! I have 4, aged 8, 7, 3 and 8 weeks old, the beginning was hard but just seems to involve a lot more organising!! I'd say go for it!

I'm back after a whole week with my DH helping which has been good. We've cracked the baby and broken him into the bedtime family routine which has made a big difference as we've got our evenings back (the night is still chaos).

Have to say I'm finding this hard. I have zero time for DH and I can tell he's losing patience as he feels bottom of the pile. I also look at us sometimes and think when is this going to end as it's just pure hard work all the time. Maybe it's just the new baby phase (he's 11 weeks now). The first 3 seem easier somehow. I feel like the next 3 years are going to be a hard slog tbh although I know it's also such a lovely time in their development. I'm whittering - sorry - tired.

We have 3 dds, 5, 4 and 18 months. We are at the 'it's now or never' point in time. If my hubby was to say 'yes lets do it' I would be right on board. Its such a tough decision; again we have 4 bedrooms and money does concern me. But I love the thought of a big family. I'm talking myself into it just righting this! I keep thinking to myself would I regret not having a 4th more than having one????

We are in the same position as many of you so watching with interest.

Is it more difficult with four as opposed to three?

Hysterial hahahahahahaaa in reply.
That is all, really. Just... sigh. & more hysterical laughter.

Mind, it's pot luck, really. DC3 has been my most challenging child. DC4 did kind of slot in, but didn't make it any easier dealing with DC3, iyswim.

Found a bigger jump from 2 to 3 than from 3 to 4 tbh. ages are 8, 6, 4 and 2 and lifes now settled down - agree with pp that they tend to split in 2s - before it seemed that one was always being left out. No 4 (dd2) is starting pre-school next week so for 2 morning a week I will have no dcs at home (wibble). Dh refuses categorically to even think about No5 and tbh I agree with him - maybe a step too far!

Biggest change we had with 4 was needing to get a 7-seater car, the rest just slotted into place really. House is only 3 bed so ds's share and so do dd's. As regards money - having had both flavours before there wasn't much outlay re clothes or equipment - that will change as they get older and decide to persue their own things - only 2 really doing after school stuff at the mo which can be a logistical nightmare - one really positive thing is that its made me super-organised!

Hi there

I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I also have 3 ds's aged 5, 3 & 13 months and am considering a 4th. DH wants to try again now but I think I would prefer ds2 to have started school and ds3 to be at nursery so I get some time to enjoy my last baby. This would mean a min. 2 year 9 mth gap between the 3rd & 4th Do you think it's better to have them closer in age or to have a larger age gap for the last one? Life is already chaotic with 3 ds's so I am prepared for more! Is it much harder with 4 than 3?

Thanks!

Personally (despite my last post about how knackered I am just now - but I am in the newborn bit just now) I would do them closer together - get it all over with and I think (although I haven't the benefit of hindsight yet) that I'll feel the benefit in a couple of years of them being close in age. Ds1 and 2 are 5.5 and 3.5 and they are playing better together every day. To leave a gap would just be prolonging the tough bit (and I'm not sure I'd go back). Ironically I'd wanted 4 after ds3 was born then when he was 13 months I thought actually I think I'm done and then a couple of weeks later I found I was 4 months pregs with ds4. Oops!

So anyone any closer about a decision??!!

My quandary at the moment is the when- when I go back from maternity leave I will have a year left on my current contract. So do I have baby before I finish or wait till I have found permanent job? That would seem sensible but if it took me a year or 2 to do this we might end up with gap too big, me being too old ( and dh being far too old- he'll be 44 this year, I'll be 34)

I had this dilemma (the eldest is DSC though, so only with us half of weekends and holidays - don't know if that makes a difference) and after much discussion, DH and I decided that we are rubbish at making decisions and just went for it. DH's age was also a factor for us - it was now or never for him and I didn't want to regret saying "never" in the future.

I'm only a few months pregnant still though so don't know if it will turn out to be the right decision or not, but I reckon it'll be fine (feeling optimistic today!)

Thank you so much for your advice. i am still so undecided too. Part of me thinks we should just go for it and the other part really wants to wait. I love the newborn stage and would really like time just with the baby to enjoy what will definitely be my last one.

Have those of you with 4 had straightforward pregnancies each time? Mine have all been very straightforward but ds3's pregnancy was exhausting and I had horrid pgp which meant I could hardly walk. I am sure it was just the result of 3 pregnancies in 4 years but that is another reason swaying me towards a bigger gap. I am going to the gym now and want to be stronger and fitter before I am pregnant again.

I am also 34 so don't feel too ancient although I am aware fertility starts to decline from 35. We were lucky in that ds1 and ds3 only took a few months to conceive but ds2 took nearly a year and I guess I need to factor this into my thinking too.

God it's sooo hard to make a decision!

Ps: I am loving how most people here have three boys too! Just goes to show three boys can't be that bad!!! I get so many pitying looks when I tell people I have three boys! I always get, "so are you going to try for a girl" - yeah, like that's possible! I love my boys and would be very happy with a 4th one. I think it would be easier in loads of ways as we have a house full of boys clothes and toys!

Boys rock - lulu - I sailed thru pregnancy but ds3 was definitely my worst - fanjo piles, a bit of SPD, loads of prelabour. I thought like you (and I was 34), that it must be my age and yet battering my body had taken. However with ds4 I felt so normal (knackered) that I didn't even notice I was pregnant till almost months and worked till the day I popped with no issues whatsoever that were pregnancy related. Still loads of prelabour but birth fine (and early).

Oops -4 months. Strangely my colleagues all knew I was pregs but didn't ask me so it never occurred to me that I was.

Lolly
That's amazing to have got to 4 months before you realised. That sounds like the ideal pregnancy to me!!! Given how much I puked in first few months of each of my pregnancies I can't imagine that would happen to me though :-(

Funnily enough my third was my easiest because I was so busy and it just flew past