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we are (almost) trying for number 4
39

verybusyspider · 18/01/2011 09:12

so why do I suddenly feel nervous and am doubting if this is the right decision? with the others I just 'knew' it was right, 4 seems like a huge leap organisationally and financially but I feel we have a 'gap' in our family....
Guess I just want to know how you guys figured out how may to have and when (and when to stop!)

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3peasinapod · 18/01/2011 11:44

Hi, don't have alot to add only that were thinking the same and will be keeping an eye on this. Have all girls and would love a boy (very happy and glad we have what we have but would love a boy) but that's another story. I find now that if we went for no4 it would blend in with the madness of our house. My oldest is 5 and All 3 get on good.
I feel I have one left but question am I mad, were nearly out of the baby stage ie buggies, formula, my youngest is nearly 3. I do think that we wil always have the longing for babies.
Best wishes on what u decide.

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Flossie2 · 18/01/2011 12:42

I know exactly how you feel. It does seem a big jump and with the others it felt completely right, it seems a bigger deal with four somehow. I will watch your replies with interest! Good luck!

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Loopymumsy · 18/01/2011 20:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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verybusyspider · 18/01/2011 21:26

loopy I tried gender swaying twice and think its a lot of rubbish - you get what your meant to get, if we had number 4 it would be a boy I'm sure of it, I have 3 ds's, I'm just (for some reason) meant to have boys...
Mine are a similar age to your dd's, 4, 3 and 1. I'd plan to have a slightly bigger age gap this time but hopefully within the 3 years...

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letsgetloud · 18/01/2011 21:59

Well my number 4 is now 7 months old.

I have 3 daughters 8,5 and just turned 3. 7 month baby is a boy.

I never quite planned number 4 and Dh certainly didn't, as he had the snip when dd3 was 2 weeks old Grin. Dd3 was 21 months old when we found out I was pregnant again. We were totally shocked.

Anyhow, he is just our little fat bundle of joy. I was dreading him coming as dd3 hated being a baby and cried constantly, was never happy until she was about 18 months. Both of us felt we couldn't do it again. She was just such hard work.

When ds1 was a couple of weeks old I was constantly in tears as just couldn't see a future where I ever smiled. The thought of dealing with the girls and a baby who never slept, smiled etc. He has turned out to be a dream and just slotted right in.

He lights up a room with his lovely happy wee nature and smile. I have never come across such a contented baby. Everyone comments on how good he is.

In reality my day to day life is just like having 3 and a bit children. Cost wise it is like 4 children. I can't afford to work, child care would cost too much. We had to get a people carrier. I have had to buy a double buggy and a few other baby things as gave everything baby related away!! Though most big stuff I have managed to get from freecycle.

I don't think our holidays have really increased in price. Well didn't have a holiday last year but year before was a caravan in Italy (with our 3 children) and this year a caravan in France (with our 4 children). Same size caravan.

I think once you have more than 2 children you stop your children getting as much. Things like getting magazines in shops, sweets etc. stopped once I had to start buying the three of them rather than just two.

There is extra washing, it never ends. Would have probably said the same with three children though.

Time is also a bit more scarce, trying to split between 4 instead of 3. I know dd2 doesn't get anywhere near as much of my time as others because she is the least demanding. This is my guilt thing, try to console myself that if I didn't feel guilty about dd2, I would still feel guilty but just about something else.

Weighing it all up I would say go for it if you still have the feeling that your family isn't quite complete.

I also now have two at school so that is a great help, with 3rd child just started pre school. I admire people who have more than two at home.

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verybusyspider · 19/01/2011 09:29

thanks for your thoughts Smile

I was thinking about timing last night and in a way 3-4 would be easier as ds1 started school in September, when ds3 was born I had all 3 at home until he started preschool when ds3 was 4 months. The earliest ds4 would arrive now would be november and I'd have ds1 in school and ds2 in preschool so 2 at home would be managable - although school holidays would be interesting!! if I did decide to work again I can take up to 2 years unpaid in my job so I could hold off returning until ds1, 2 and 3 all in school and only one in childcare which is cheaper than it is now with 2 in childcare and one in school...
I think its the cost of clubs and extra activities in the future that worries me. I have 2 doing swimming lessons and 1 doing ballet and can't afford anything else at the moment, I know its not all that important but other children seem to do so much more out of school and I always wonder if I should be giving my children that 'opportunity'
dread to think how we'll manage when we have school trips that they all 'need' to go on and out of school clubs....

I hadn't really thought of holidays but we love camping so now I think about it it wouldn't really cost that much more. we can't afford to fly anyway and dh always jokes that we have to ofset our big family by not flying so really we're just being green Smile

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verybusyspider · 19/01/2011 09:31

oh and I already have a double buggy and a 7 seater car and know enough mums who are 'done' so think I could beg or borrow most of what I need, plus we still have all the basics as ds3 is only 19 months

I'm talking myself into it aren't I?!? Grin

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LionsAreScary · 19/01/2011 10:25

Thinking about a 4th, would like to watch this thread!

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FoghornLeghorn · 19/01/2011 10:30

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Loopymumsy · 19/01/2011 19:38

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verybusyspider · 19/01/2011 22:31

loopsy - love idea of bulk discount Grin and totally agree swimming is life skill so it would be the last thing to go. Need to find more evidence that less out of school activities are good for children Smile

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Loopymumsy · 20/01/2011 06:37

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3peasinapod · 20/01/2011 11:00

Verybusyspider,
Yes you have talk yourself into going for no4, along with talking myself into to it too. Like you have the double buggy and the 7 seater and the bits and bobs for a newbie. What am I waiting for!! I stopped taking the pill last month, due to forgetfulness so will chat with DH tonight and get on with it. Will have to go over to the ttc

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verybusyspider · 08/02/2011 08:40

well we made the decision to go for it, I'm still wondering if its the right decision as I have 3 gorgeous children who all deserve my attention way more than they probably get it, I do feel slightly like I'm pushing my luck as everything is great in our lives at the moment and I hate the monster part of me that comes out when I'm tired, our house isn't going to be big enough in a few years so we'll need to plan and save for a move, and I've realised its the cost of the school holiday childcare that will cripple us if I go back to work... the issue is I do enjoy working part time, but when I think ahead to 3 years time I see us as a family of 6, I guess I just hope the other stuff will work out!

3peas - are you TTC now? if so lets get ours selves over to the conception thread Grin

loopsy - thanks for the link! I've decided we have to stick with swimming and put ds1 on waiting list for beavers as my brother loved it as a kid and got the opportunity to try loads of other stuff too, if he hates it nothing lost. I've always wanted mine to try stagecoach but its way too expensive and need to find cheap ways to get them to experience music in case they are interested in that.

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verybusyspider · 25/02/2011 22:19

who was it who said you would constantly change your mind???

during past couple of weeks, my house is too small, ds1 is struggling in school so needs more support and work have given me a good review and another department have suggested I apply for a job with them....and anyway now I'm thinking that would prefer to not be working at all and have a career break, but then boys nursery is so so good....

Within 2 weeks of deciding to go for it I can't see how we can cope with 4, desperately want another baby but after reading the tell me not to have 4 thread I'm quite convinced not to!

anyone round for a chat...

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Hattie05 · 25/02/2011 22:29

Hi there i'm due no. 4 in a week! Was a complete shock as my youngest was only 5mths when we found out. I also have an 8 year old and 4 year old.

I felt terrified initially as no. 3 has been the hardest of my babies, and i'm sure i came very close to post natal depression with her. But thankfully as my pregnancy has progressed she has become a dream child and i now feel confident that i will remember how short the difficult stages are if i do end up there again! But every baby is different and hopefully this one will be easy!

We have 3 girls, and this one is a boy according to scans. We didn't mind what sex it was, but its made it a little extra exciting to have the opposite sex this time round.

I do feel afraid of not having time for them all. I have always worked at least parttime and that is now out of the question so finances will be strained. So will our house with not enough bedrooms! Holidays probably won't exist for a few years. But d'you know what? i don't care about any of it, I am so excited at the thought of a lovely big family. The big sisters are all so excited to be having a baby brother.

Not sure i'd have ever 'made' the decision to have no. 4, but the fact he's here is perfect.

Best of luck in whatever you choose!

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verybusyspider · 25/02/2011 22:40

some how that would be the ultimate way to make the decision Grin if it happened I know I/we would make everything work, its the having to actually make the decision thats hard!
I've always worked part time since ds1 - what do you do? that worries me too, I often wish I was at home but I know the balance is good for me and untimately like you I couldn't go back after no4...

so glad that everything has worked out for you and you don't care about the practical stuff and its really exciting Grin lovely to hear x

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Hattie05 · 25/02/2011 22:52

I have to confess, the fact i won't be able to work scares me slightly. I've only just recently gone on maternity leave so hasn't yet sunk in. But my job did provide me with sanity and brain usage!

But i've set my mind to throw myself into the family and seeing them as my fulltime job. Its only a few years at the end of the day before they'll all be off to school and i'll be feeling sad and redundant so i really must make the most of them, and will be grateful for this time at home with them. If we really find finances a strugle i will go and work in a shop on a weekend to help. Not ideal but may need to be done!

Why don't you just let nature decide? set a time frame and if it happens i happens - by then you'll be so desperate you'll decide to keep on trying anyway! you know what its like.

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verybusyspider · 25/02/2011 23:30

I think a 2011 baby is our cut off so I might give it a couple of months to see what happens and then move on! to be honest though I had 3 under 3 and ds3 is 20 months, I don't think I'll struggle to get pregnant so that feels like a decision to have 4 not to just wait and see...

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threecurrantbuns · 26/02/2011 20:38

Im with you verybusyspider if we had a happy accident Grin we would find a way to cope im sure!

But actually deciding to go for it...just cant do it as heart says I WANT1MORE! Head says noway money would be tight, not enough room, me delaying wworking for even longer, and on bad days i fell a bad mummy for not giving the 3 i have enough time. Confused

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Rilith · 26/02/2011 20:51

But then on good days when you havent had a single second to yourself, you are exhausted, the washer has been going none stop, the dinner plates have been left half finished by our ungrateful brood, you look upon their little sleepy heads while they are snoozing away, and smell the apple conditioner and tea tree oil you combed through their hair an hour earlier... and you realise then that "Damn I am good at this" Grin

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threecurrantbuns · 26/02/2011 20:55

Grin Grin Being a mummy is fab isnt it...and i love that checking in on them b4bed

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oooggs · 26/02/2011 21:01

No. 4 tipped our balance!!!! and we love him for it Grin

When ds3 came along we had ds1 (5yrs) & dts (21mths) - already had the double pushchair, but used a triple for 6mths, bought a 7 seater, couldn't sort out child care (was working until he was born) and he is a total delight.

they are now 7, 3, 3 & 2 and get on very well (3 boys & a girl) I have 3 at home/pre school but dts start full time school in September which will mean less ferrying around for a bit!

Orgaisation & sleep/mealtime routines is my saviour Wink but it also hasn't always been easy!!

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Yellowstone · 26/02/2011 21:23

I've got eight: there was never a game plan and at times it's been tough. Much less money, much less time, but those things were of my own making. The eldest is twenty. Now through the woods, the advantages for the children seem to clearly outweigh the disadvantages and I don't believe they or we would turn the clock back and have it any other way.

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Yellowstone · 26/02/2011 21:30

The change from two to three was hardest btw!

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