Saving disparity between children. Advise me morally please.

[Wingingitnancy]

I have two children. With big disparity in the savings for them. The eldest received an inheritance when my nan passed. The youngest wasn't born.

So what do I do morally? Do I aim to equalise the accounts by topping up my sons? But then is that immoral as I've saved for my son not daughter? Do I just explain when they're older? And top both up equally but the disparity will remain.

Advice please 🙏

I would equalise them - either by splitting what is there and then adding the same to each account or by making one up to the other. Your nan would no doubt have wanted both children to have the same. We have similar here in that one had money to buy a car saved for her - we are therefore going to buy the other a car of the same value.

I think you look at the end result. The dcs won't care where their money came from. They will care whether they can afford to put a roof over their heads.

Equalise it. I can't imagine your nan would have wanted to cut your younger DC out of inheritance

Save for the younger one. Try to make it as even as you can.

I would just save for the one who didn’t get the inheritance and hope to make up the difference. I’d want them to both be in the same ‘starting’ position if that makes sense. The source of the funds wouldn’t matter to me.

How old are they? I would aim to equalise.

FWIW, my parents have never given me any money and I have no idea if they’ve given my brother money - I wouldn’t ask and he wouldn’t tell me!

You can't split and share inheritance - it isn't your money to do that with. You'll either need to make up the difference, or accept that life naturally does come with differences and this is just one of them.

Can you afford to save to somewhat equalise it? Or are you going to struggle monthly if you do?

if the money was left to your dc directly you can’t split it, if it was left to you then it’s different and I would divide it. I very much doubt your nan would have wanted this to happen so id equalise as much as possible.

Make up the difference. No need to discuss it any further with them

The inheritance is not OPs to split. If she's going to equalise, it cannot include the money from nan.

Was the inheritance left to her grandchildren or did she name the grandchild?
I’m wondering if it was left to ‘my grandchildren’ if legally it can be split.

if not yeah? I’d equalise.

This

When my relative died older dc got some money. Since had more dc... Too bad they won't have any money but that's life... It isn't always fair...

Of course you equalise.

Is much are we talking? Is it possible for you to save the amount to make it equal?

even if left to grandchildren it can only be shared between those who existed at the time; op’s second child was not born when her nan died.
edited for typo

If possible, I wouldn't touch the inheritance amount to split it, I'd just top up the later child's savings to what the first child's is. It's not the time for a lesson in how unfair life is.

We have a similar situation although I imagine much smaller amounts involved my DGM put money into DS1s CTF every birthday and Christmas. By the time DS2 came along she was in a care home with severe dementia and her money was used to pay the fees so this obviously didn't happen for him. So there is more money in DS1s CTF then DS2s

DS1 is nearly at an age to get the money from his CTF we have spoken to him about it and said ultimately it is his money so we cant make him do anything with it if he doesn't want to but it would be nice if they shared his CTF between them then shared DS2s when he turns 18. He agreed this would be fair as DGM would certainly had wanted them to have the same had she been able to do so.

Could you suggest similar?

Thank you everyone, just needed to confirm moral wise.

They are early years ages, so i have no issues making up the difference for when it's released at 18. The money was given to me, but the intent was for my daughter as my grandparents wishes, so imo it's ringfenced for her no matter what. I just wanted to check if I heavily saved to match it wasn't immoral. I will still add to my daughters, just obviously need to be heavier on sons.

We have a similar situation: ds was the sole beneficiary of a relative’s estate. Ds is aware that in the future we will help dd financially as he won’t need any help.

If you equalise it now then that would mean that the younger one would get more in the long run as you will be saving for him after the older one has had theirs released. Maybe put a bit by in a separate account to transfer nearer to your youngest's release date.

The money was given to me, but the intent was for my daughter as my grandparents wishes

Then it should be split. I'm a GM and that's absolutely what I'd want to happen in this situation. Only one of my DDs has had children so far. I suspect the other won't, but should anything happen to me and her have a child afterwards, I'd absolutely want that child to benefit equally with my existing DGCs.

You should split it then. It’s very possible the reason it was given to you rather than the grandchild is in case you had another.

and if you’re able to save to equalise the amount then split it now, save the amount you were intending to for your daughter but also split that between the two.

you can’t 100% guarantee that something g won’t happen in the next 10+ years that will prevent you saving an equal amount for your daughter.
so if something did happen and you had to stop saving, both children would have the same amount,

your son won’t be at a loss as the money was given to you for the benefit of the grandchildren, he won’t have lost anything.

It’s your money. So if you choose to put a lump in child As name now and then save up for child B, or split into two lumps, there is no moral issue here. They are morally exactly the same and you are overthinking and over complicating this completely.
For the sake of being sensible, I would split it now and top up each child with your own savings in case something happens and you’re not able to save up for child B.

Aim to equalise. I am doing this for mine.