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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Oh Christ I'm unexpectedly wealthy

211 replies

awesomekillick · 22/05/2021 20:59

Not a stealth boast but a cry for help.

I'm a normal middle class person. I'm approaching 60, been retired 5 years.

Fuck knows how but my business has grown beyond what I ever anticipated. Like into what to me is stupid money. I'm talking millions.

What the fuck do I do?

I'm no wheeler-dealer. Never bought a stock or a share in my life. I buy clothes off eBay and material things don't make me happy but dopamine does ! (ADHD) so maybe stock market might be exciting for a while.

Do i set up a charity? Buy shit I dont want or need? My lovely adult kids don't want money. My financial advisor keeps telling me "pension", but honestly my business is my pension and it keeps growing.

Do I go round handing out cash?

I'm a normal m/c intellectual who never ever set out or expected to be, wealthy.

OP posts:
OnTheHuntForAHome · 22/05/2021 22:18

Congratulations OP, it must be an amazing feeling none the less, I really need 2k if you've got it spare WinkGrin not joking!

coodawoodashooda · 22/05/2021 22:18

Are you in England op?

littlepattilou · 22/05/2021 22:20

@awesomekillick

I'm so sad that I can't even plan travel ideas cos I couldn't leave my cats :( how pitiful. Id love an around the world cruise but my poor cats can't be left for more than a few hours a day.

I like the idea of a charitable fund and I'll talk to my FA about that.

I also like the idea of supporting students. But my passion is young women who find themselves making bad, life changing decisions. I'd like to set up a refuge for young women fleeing home-based violence

As a number of posters have asked you now, what is your business? How DID you make all these millions? And how DID you become so unexpectedly wealthy all of a sudden?

I think it's reasonable to ask this, seeing as you have made a thread telling us all how successful your business is, and how uber rich you are all of a sudden...!

Why are you skirting around the issue, and not answering these questions? What is your business? And how did you make all these millions (suddenly) in the midst of the worst financial crisis for a century?

Or are you only responding to posts where the posters are fawning over you, and ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how totes amazeballs you are???

Smurf123 · 22/05/2021 22:24

My sen school is in desperate need of a climbing frame.... We are a tiny school (but overflowing with more kids needing places than we have rooms) our last climbing frame needed repaired. The education board decided it was less expensive to get rid of it than fix it 😫
With many from disadvantaged background we don't ask for parental contributions. We often get overlooked for grants as we aren't a charity but funding is getting smaller and snaller each year.
Find your local special needs school, youth group, children's services and see if they could benefit ... Even a little bit could make a huge difference to those kids in your local community!
Also take yourself and your kids and grandkids if you have any on a once in a lifetime holiday (maybe next year 🙈 after covid!)

ReallyASecretMillionaire · 22/05/2021 22:27

I can understand your situation because mine is in many ways similar. I grew up lower middle class economically, but well educated. Then I worked hard, but was also incredibly lucky and probably benefitted from White Male privilege as well without knowing it, since that probably affected what opportunities I was offered, how I was treated by people at external companies, etc. I ended up an order of magnitude wealthier than any of my friends. It is nice to have the material comfort and the free time that money permits, but it can also create a distance from people even if you don’t want it to.

If you have more than enough money, then you understand that it does not bring happiness. What brings happiness is meaningful experiences, and good relationships. Money can help with getting certain experiences, but it can also fuck up relationships, because people get really weird about money. It can provoke jealousy. People close to you who don’t feel they have enough of it can start feeling entitled to some of yours. It gets falsely conflated with a person’s value as a human being, to the point that people will say “That person is worth £ XXX”.

Some suggestions:
-Don’t make any highly visible or major & irreversible changes in your lifestyle without taking your time.
-A big one, for example, would be selling your business, or even a part of it, or giving up control in any sort of irreversible way. Don’t do that lightly. You understand your business well, so continuing to own it might well be the best way to “store” and grow your wealth, unless you need to transfer ownership to a successor in order to preserve its value. If you care about the people who work in your business, or the customers, or the suppliers, then succession is one of the most important processes for you to manage well in order for you to feel fulfilled.
-Don’t talk about your wealth with too many of the people you care about, because even if you want to help them out, it can create strange tensions in relationships. They can feel indebted to you, and then resentful of you, even if you genuinely wanted to make a no-strings-attached gift.
-Do get financial advice, but be wary of financial advisors and don’t trust one too easily. If somebody promises to take care of it all for you from day one, be very wary. A high quality advisor would be very happy to manage a small portion of your wealth for some number of years and build your trust before seeking to manage more of it.
-Invest some of your time in your own financial education and literacy. You don’t need to be an expert yourself, but you need to be able to judge others who claim to be experts, so that you can make good decisions around whom to trust.
-Be aware that cash needs to be invested or it will lose its value to inflation, only a little each year, but with massive depreciation over longer periods. However, be aware also that if you do invest, especially without being a financial expert, all of the different types of finance providers between you and your underlying investments can easily easily 1/3 or more of your total investment returns. A high quality advisor will be able and willing to explain all of the different fees you will be paying, from the top to the bottom of the stack, in clear language that you can understand. If they say it’s too complicated to understand, it more likely means there are hidden fees from which they benefit.
-Think about which experiences you want to have in life, and also about what changes you’d like to see in the world. Then, do your research and try to find the most effective ways to convert money into experiences and/or change in the world.
-Be ready to experiment or take incremental steps. Apply a smaller amount of money to something first. If you like the result, then apply a larger amount. With your business, consider delegating more, without stepping back completely all in one go.
-Apply a sensible, conservative rule of thumb in considering how much you need for yourself. While some people use higher numbers than this, I think the sustainable after-tax non-depleting withdrawal rate in real terms could be around 2%, even if the assets are reasonably well-invested. That means that if you have £1 million, you can safely spend £20k (after tax) and still have a good chance for the remaining assets to still be worth £1 million in purchasing power one year later. ]

Feel free to DM me in case you want to discuss this in any more detail. I can say upfront the following:

  1. I don’t want any of your money, because I already have enough;
  2. I am not a part of any business or organisation that can offer you any services, paid or free. I am a client of some investment firms and some charity advisors, and I am also a medium-sized donor to several charitable organisations. I would be happy to speak with you offline about how I chose which ones to work with, if you would like. So far I am happy with all of them.
  3. I would like to live in a world where money serves people, instead of it being the other way around, and where people with more than they need use some of it to make the world a better place.

If I can help #3 to happen then it will be a good use of my time, and that is why I am making the offer for you to send me a direct message (by clicking on my user name) if you would like.

HollowTalk · 22/05/2021 22:28

I'd set up a really good pension scheme for my kids before doing anything else.

ActuallyIveGotDental · 22/05/2021 22:30

I was going to say get a financial advisor, but see you already have. Well done! With a business struggling after Covid I envy your position, but we've discussed what we'd do in that position and know how we'd handle it, so it's very different for us.

awesomekillick · 22/05/2021 22:30

Jesus! I set up a small "lifestyle" business. I have ADHD so I wanted to work for myself. I employed people, initially to do the admin I'm crap at. I had big ideas, vision, and interest. I took fuck all out of the business when I had kids (twins), straight back to work, live out nanny, worked hard, made good decisions, went for the long haul not short term income. Retired as 50, recognising I had reached my ceiling. Brought in amazing MD. he's grown the turnover and profit amazingly in 5 years. We've just won mega huge contract that moves us out of SME level.

This is nothing to do with me boasting. I've voted Labour all my life. I'm a liberal lovey. My parents are intellectuals. I was brought up to be an academic or a writer. My friends are normal. I hate my wealth tbh

OP posts:
CatPurple · 22/05/2021 22:31

I'm so sad that I can't even plan travel ideas cos I couldn't leave my cats sad how pitiful. Id love an around the world cruise but my poor cats can't be left for more than a few hours a day.

Start the search for a good house sitter who loves cats. You could begin small; just leave them for a short while, and then build it up slowly until you feel comfortable. You don’t have to go on a year long round the world trip but you can visit plenty of places over short/weekend breaks!

IntoAir · 22/05/2021 22:31

I think it's reasonable to ask this, seeing as you have made a thread telling us all how successful your business is, and how uber rich you are all of a sudden

You may think it’s “reasonable” @littlepattilou but the OP doesn’t need to agree or to answer your rather snide and demanding question.

saraclara · 22/05/2021 22:32

Yes I have thought of BTL for NHS workers - charging nominal rent - but I'm still benefitting from the "btl" income and increase in this property value. So just give a couple of people free accommodation? Is that fair and reasonable ?

No. If you're going to give to strangers, you have to be very aware of creating a dependency. Over the last couple of years I've been a friend/mentor to a couple of women finding themselves in a particular kind of difficulty. It's really important that the person who's helped retains some self-respect, and also that they don't end up expecting people to bail them out for the foreseeable.

The person I've been helping for the last year is deserving of every penny and bit of help I can give her. But I have to stop myself from buying stuff for her etc. instead I point her to services and organisations that can help her temporarily, like food banks, baby equipment banks etc, and ensure that she gets all that she's entitled to. When I have a non-dependency opportunity to buy things for her (birthday, Christmas, birth of baby etc) then I get to buy her stuff she needs within normal gift giving situations.

I think it's admirable that you want to use your money for good, and for those who really need the support. But it's a really complex area. Who do you help within that group of women, and why? How do you prevent them being victims of others' jealousy? How do you prevent them becoming dependent on your charity or taking you for granted?

Philanthropy is a difficult area.

awesomekillick · 22/05/2021 22:34

@ReallyASecretMillionaire

I can understand your situation because mine is in many ways similar. I grew up lower middle class economically, but well educated. Then I worked hard, but was also incredibly lucky and probably benefitted from White Male privilege as well without knowing it, since that probably affected what opportunities I was offered, how I was treated by people at external companies, etc. I ended up an order of magnitude wealthier than any of my friends. It is nice to have the material comfort and the free time that money permits, but it can also create a distance from people even if you don’t want it to.

If you have more than enough money, then you understand that it does not bring happiness. What brings happiness is meaningful experiences, and good relationships. Money can help with getting certain experiences, but it can also fuck up relationships, because people get really weird about money. It can provoke jealousy. People close to you who don’t feel they have enough of it can start feeling entitled to some of yours. It gets falsely conflated with a person’s value as a human being, to the point that people will say “That person is worth £ XXX”.

Some suggestions:
-Don’t make any highly visible or major & irreversible changes in your lifestyle without taking your time.
-A big one, for example, would be selling your business, or even a part of it, or giving up control in any sort of irreversible way. Don’t do that lightly. You understand your business well, so continuing to own it might well be the best way to “store” and grow your wealth, unless you need to transfer ownership to a successor in order to preserve its value. If you care about the people who work in your business, or the customers, or the suppliers, then succession is one of the most important processes for you to manage well in order for you to feel fulfilled.
-Don’t talk about your wealth with too many of the people you care about, because even if you want to help them out, it can create strange tensions in relationships. They can feel indebted to you, and then resentful of you, even if you genuinely wanted to make a no-strings-attached gift.
-Do get financial advice, but be wary of financial advisors and don’t trust one too easily. If somebody promises to take care of it all for you from day one, be very wary. A high quality advisor would be very happy to manage a small portion of your wealth for some number of years and build your trust before seeking to manage more of it.
-Invest some of your time in your own financial education and literacy. You don’t need to be an expert yourself, but you need to be able to judge others who claim to be experts, so that you can make good decisions around whom to trust.
-Be aware that cash needs to be invested or it will lose its value to inflation, only a little each year, but with massive depreciation over longer periods. However, be aware also that if you do invest, especially without being a financial expert, all of the different types of finance providers between you and your underlying investments can easily easily 1/3 or more of your total investment returns. A high quality advisor will be able and willing to explain all of the different fees you will be paying, from the top to the bottom of the stack, in clear language that you can understand. If they say it’s too complicated to understand, it more likely means there are hidden fees from which they benefit.
-Think about which experiences you want to have in life, and also about what changes you’d like to see in the world. Then, do your research and try to find the most effective ways to convert money into experiences and/or change in the world.
-Be ready to experiment or take incremental steps. Apply a smaller amount of money to something first. If you like the result, then apply a larger amount. With your business, consider delegating more, without stepping back completely all in one go.
-Apply a sensible, conservative rule of thumb in considering how much you need for yourself. While some people use higher numbers than this, I think the sustainable after-tax non-depleting withdrawal rate in real terms could be around 2%, even if the assets are reasonably well-invested. That means that if you have £1 million, you can safely spend £20k (after tax) and still have a good chance for the remaining assets to still be worth £1 million in purchasing power one year later. ]

Feel free to DM me in case you want to discuss this in any more detail. I can say upfront the following:

  1. I don’t want any of your money, because I already have enough;
  2. I am not a part of any business or organisation that can offer you any services, paid or free. I am a client of some investment firms and some charity advisors, and I am also a medium-sized donor to several charitable organisations. I would be happy to speak with you offline about how I chose which ones to work with, if you would like. So far I am happy with all of them.
  3. I would like to live in a world where money serves people, instead of it being the other way around, and where people with more than they need use some of it to make the world a better place.

If I can help #3 to happen then it will be a good use of my time, and that is why I am making the offer for you to send me a direct message (by clicking on my user name) if you would like.

Perfect. You understand. Phew!!!
OP posts:
IntoAir · 22/05/2021 22:34

Good luck @awesomekillick You sound great. Just ignore the envious ones.

I hope you find a way of funding a refuge - maybe work with a good grass roots charity such as NIA - the one Karen Ingala Smith runs? She is also awesome.

Devlesko · 22/05/2021 22:37

I understand you OP, I've never bought a lottery ticket, and not materialistic. I'm normal wc though.
Congratulations, so pleased for you because with money comes stability and the option to be generous. Thanks

terrapintrouble · 22/05/2021 22:37

I'm on my last fiver for the month if you have a spare tenner I could treat myself 🙏🏻🙏🏻 wow tho what an amazing dilemma to have , I wish it was every person in this world to feel like this at some point in there life , enjoy the benefits of an easier nicer life after all you've done to earn it ❤️ and ignore all the haters , bitterness is so ugly

Sarahlou63 · 22/05/2021 22:38

@awesomekillick

Jesus! I set up a small "lifestyle" business. I have ADHD so I wanted to work for myself. I employed people, initially to do the admin I'm crap at. I had big ideas, vision, and interest. I took fuck all out of the business when I had kids (twins), straight back to work, live out nanny, worked hard, made good decisions, went for the long haul not short term income. Retired as 50, recognising I had reached my ceiling. Brought in amazing MD. he's grown the turnover and profit amazingly in 5 years. We've just won mega huge contract that moves us out of SME level.

This is nothing to do with me boasting. I've voted Labour all my life. I'm a liberal lovey. My parents are intellectuals. I was brought up to be an academic or a writer. My friends are normal. I hate my wealth tbh

Relax! Don't do anything until you stop hating your wealth. It's just paper. One day you'll figure out how it can make it do what you want it to do. Until then forget about it, nothing's changed.
HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 22/05/2021 22:38

I don't mind taking some off you Grin

ReallyASecretMillionaire · 22/05/2021 22:39

@awesomekillick you posted some more while I was writing my previous, very long post.

It sounds as though you may have already done a big portion of the succession through hiring a new MD and allowing them to succeed. Congratulations on that - most businesses botch the succession.

Regarding the cats, they will be fine if you go away. You just need to find someone else who understands that humans exist to serve their cats, and is willing to serve yours once in a while so that you can take a break and come back refreshed and able to serve your own cats even better upon your return home.

Most cats are even more attached to their home territory than to their humans, so it should be OK.

nannynick · 22/05/2021 22:41

The business may have a lot of worth and it may be paying you a lot out in dividends but how do you take more money out of the business? That is what you need to ask the accountant.

Your FA is probably right that some should be going to pension, as that is a tax efficient wrapper especially if the money is paid by the business into the pension.

Have a good accountant and a good FA who teaches you about what can be done with money. Spend some, give some.

HelpMeh · 22/05/2021 22:41

Well, I've been priced out of the housing market so would happily take a slice Sad

I would probably do lots of smaller nice things (including gifting random MNers Grin). And build my cats an epic cat palace.

NatalieH2220 · 22/05/2021 22:43

I'd say share it out where you can. Doesn't have to be huge amounts but just tokens here and there to help people / family that you come across in need. This would be so rewarding.

Make sure you enjoy it yourself too though, you've worked to get it so deserve the benefits too!

Finally I'd be happy to take some off your hands if you're really struggling 😉

Ostara212 · 22/05/2021 22:44

OP "I hate my wealth tbh"

All jokes aside
Give it to people who will love it. It's insane that you have it and you hate it.

GiantKitten · 22/05/2021 22:46

I always said if I ever won millions on the lottery (which I don’t even do any more) I’d establish a fund to provide decent instruments for musical kids who can’t afford them.

MrsMcGarry · 22/05/2021 22:46

So in the same way that you brought in help to manage your business, bring in help for this.

At 6 figure donation level, charities will suck up to you. (BTDT)
Contact a few people near you who are doing things you like the look of, and tell them you have an amount of money that you’d like to give away to do something useful, and ask what they would do with it.

One of them will come up with an idea that inspires you, and if you want to be kind you can give the others a few thousand to compensate for their trouble. You could specify that you want it to be something you can have some level of involvement with for a period but can then run without you.

I have a particular interest that means I can spend money within that effectively to help people, but if I didn’t, I’d probs help a housing charity to buy almshouses for women leaving refuges to rent at a reasonable rate (the housing benefit or rent they pay would maintain the investment going forward)

JulietBravo999 · 22/05/2021 22:46

It’s obvious, OP!! You set up one of those amazing cat hotels where each kitty gets it’s own little chalet, employ some purrfect staff, and then know that your own cats are living in the lap of luxury while you do a bit of travelling. Win-win. You’re welcome; my invoice is in the post.