Implications of moving in new partner into MY home

[Sunhot]

When I got divorced I purchased a property. I asked lawyer how to protect myself from a new partner moving in, things not working and him making a claim. He said a prenup isn't worth the money it's written on but to ensure he doesn't contribute to the mortgage only other bills

Well house now paid off. It's for my kids future. Seeing someone and want to live with someone again.

How do I protect my asset. I told him I DO have a mortgage and it was my responsibility and he was happy to pay his way and wanted to improve/develop my house (not sure where ...as he is handy like that). Concerned basically if he wld have any claim if after a year or whenever he calls off the relationship claiming he developed my garage to an annex or did my garden erc. Question: how do I keep secret mortgage is paid off and how do I keep the kids home legally protected from a break up?

Also I will prob lose 25% council tax single occupancy discount. Maybe lose my child Benefit or working tax credit even though our finances will be seperate. How does this work with other single mums going from living solo to taking new partner in Thier home.

Can anyone advise me of the pitfalls and protecting myself

He won't have any claim, or did I miss that you're getting married? There's no such thing as common law spouse in the UK.

Re. council tax - yes you will lose your 25% SPD, but he'll be paying half the council tax, surely? Contributing towards utilities doesn't mean he has a claim on your home.

In regards to him undertaking improvements himself, not so sure on that one.

I disagree with a lot on here because I think in this situation he should be paying rent and that should cover anything you lose out on by him being there. I don't see why he should live there rent-free and then potentially have a claim on it. I'd have to have a legal agreement written up, I think, unromantic as that sounds.

Is he your financial equal? Or does he have less money than you? to be honest, i'd be wary about setting up home with someone who wasn't on an equal footing with me, financially speaking. I'd always be worrying they were just in it for the lifestyle upgrade.

It doesn't sound as though you are committed enough to move in together. Your house, is yours, not his, so don't let him invest time or money in it, and then presuming you stay unmarried, the house stays yours. But legally, and for the purposes of council tax, child benefit and working tax credits, you are one unit if you live together, so you can't really keep your finances separate. If you want him to share what is his (his salary, over and above utilities, to make up your loss of benefits), then you need to share what is yours. You can't expect him to support you and improve and add value to your house, while you retain your assets to yourself. I would hold off living together until you are committed enough to share finances and assets, unless you are happy for him to contribute his half of bills only. If he does home improvements (by which I mean major stuff, not just routine maintenance) then he needs to be compensated for that in some way, either by you paying him, or by a proportional ownership of the property.

how do I keep secret mortgage is paid off

I would say if you are keeping major secrets then this isn’t a great relationship. When he finds out he will be so hurt. Why didn’t you just say it’s paid off so just chip in for bills?

I think you need to question whether this relationship is right. That is one major piece of information you are trying to keep secret.

As for the house being for the kids. Most likely it will pay for your care in old age.

It does sound odd that you'd keep the fact that you've paid off the mortgage. It's not a great way to start a new stage of your relationship together.
However, I don't get that he should 'just chip in with bills'. He's living there and it's reasonable that he makes a monthly contribution -calling it 'rent' is awkward, but in essence that's what it is.
Presumeaby you may loose out on working tax credits etc and you also have all the general maintenance such as boiler servicing repairs and eventually probably replacing the boiler; there's also repairing/ replacing white goods which we all have to do from time to time, as well as irons kettles toasters etc etc; there's also emergencies like electricians, plumbers and roofers to pay.
If you're going to pay for all these, (and it's your house so it seems fair to do this) then he does need to pay a reasonable 'rent'. Otherwise you're allowing him to live with you Scot free and you'd probably resent him for it eventually. I think I would
What does he pay now in his accomodation? Maybe you could set a sum that is a bit cheaper than he currently pays. Then share the council tax and other utilities beween the two of you.

notasmugmarried now...nope like most men I meet he isn't on an equal footing. The ones who are have proved normally to sell that fact to woman and play with the ones looking to marry up ..hypergamey

I always wanted to get an equal but I'm not getting younger and sick of the hunt. I have to go with my heart not money but then how do I not lose out.

There is something I have googled called a cohabitation agreement which needs to be made into some deed for this purpose but don't know too much about it and if adequate enough etc.

Mrsm43s I am happy for him to contribute to bills and food. Not wanting him to live free nor profit from him but I don't want to be out of pocket and I have my two kids in the house...he does not.

If you allow him to do or pay for renovations/improvements on your house, then yes he will get a claim on it if you split up.
Do not marry him.
Do not put his name on the deeds.
You need to get him to pay rent. Work out how much the outgoings are on the house (council tax, gas/electric, insurance, phone, groceries, etc), divide by 2 and use that as a base.

*will not marry him.

*Want him to feel comfortable as if we are married to do renovations and whatever he wants to do to make it out home. But had a feeling that improvements may make him be able to claim part ownership

*Fact that house is in my name solo. Have a will drawn up saying who house goes to in event of death .=not him.

*Just wondered if there was anything else I can protect myself with

We live in a world where hypergamey is real for men and woman sadly.

See, this is why i'm still single. I want to get married again I really do. Not date, not have a partner, not live with someone, but married. But I can't meet a financial equal. They all seem to just want a "nurse with a purse", it's awful really.

Why do you feel you have to live with him? Can't you just carry on dating?

Check out your position legally. You might need a declaration of trust (probably not right wordings). You definitely need legal advice to protect your asset.

Notsuchasmugmarried1 now.
It's a guy I have known in our extended social circle years. I saw him around always felt he was cute never thought more of it. Wife I spoke to in those days.

He of course doesn't like living in a room. Who would LOVE to that...

He wants a home n family life and is great with kids.hus wife had 4 kids from 2 marriages prior to Thiers and everyone till now says what a good man he was.

He will not have sex with me until we know where it's going. And I am an incel too atm. He goes to church and involved. It's the type of man I dreamt off but with no funds to improve my life.

He says we need to get my kids onboard for it to work and he wants to be there for my kids...he is great at that role as many people have told me that he is an admirable for that.

I would love to live with a man again...our relationship is new but I see he wants somewhere to live and belong.

Whether now or years time...I need to be prepared and protect against hypergamers

You can have a Deed of Trust drawn up where he would sign to say he has no claim on the house in the event of you separating.
Go get legal advice to make sure.

Your last comment about him withdrawing sex until you decide whether you're going to be living together? It seems convenient. You mention he goes to Church etc and is involved. If that's the case then he shouldn't believe in sex outside of marriage but conveniently is now using it to get you to agree to him moving in? Seems hypocritical.

If he contributes towards his proportion of bills and food only, then you have no problems.

If you are not in a fully sharing your lives situation, you cannot expect him to make up any loss of benefits etc. You will have to take a hit on that.

You cannot expect him to do, for free, improvements or renovations to your home. Any improvements or renovations may give him a claim on your property.

You are either fully sharing your lives, or you are not. You cannot expect him to do all the stuff that benefits you without expecting him to get any benefit in return.

TBH, it doesn't sound like you are ready at this time to move in together.

Hang on, you haven't slept together but are talking about living together? Why would you do that? If he's religious wouldn't he want to marry?

Why has he got to this point in his life but still living in one room?

This sounds like a terrible idea :( it's all game playing, on both sides (lying about the mortgage, marrying up, hypergamey...)

Don't move him in. It doesn't sound personal for you anyway, he's just compromise man. Not worth it with kids in the equation.

My DSM was a widow with her own home and three children when she and DF decided to get married. DSM wanted (quite rightly) to protect her home for her children. A deed of trust was created.
That said there are so many red flags flapping in the breeze of your that personally I would be very reluctant to allow this man to move in. Withholding sex is very controlling.

It sounds like you don’t trust him yet. Why not continue to see each other, spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. If he doesn’t like living in a room that’s not, to be fair, your problem. If you do decide to make a commitment later on but want to protect your property ask him to pay 50% of food and bills but you pay the cost of the property including repairs and decoration and keep records of that. I wouldn’t charge him rent, just a share of bills.

True I don't trust him enough but not him ..the system. Hypergamey is real.

But we have to try and lead normal lives if we want to remarry. I would like to live like I am married but without the paperwork I guess.

I will get to know him more. I will look into paperwork. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply and for all your comments and ideas they are all very helpful.

'Hypergamey'? Do you mean hypergamy aka gold-digger? Seriously why make yourself and your DC so vulnerable.

Hi I don't think I was too clear about the sex. I have been an involuntary celibate a while and him too. Both Christian and don't at this time want to have a series of relationships with sex that are going nowhere. We will when we both think that the relationship is going to go the full mile

It gives me by choice a chance to know him and him me without just lusting after each other. I want to try. It's not witholding it's just being sure.
I think it's lovely...not many men are willing to do this the right way these days

Thank you for clearing up the bit about sex. I misunderstood and thought sex was being withheld.

You say you're both Christians, yet you have told him a huge lie - that you have a mortgage. By your own admission you're asking how you can 'keep it a secret' that you actually have no mortgage. How does that fit in with your Christian ethics? I'm not having a dig at you. Don't you think that building a relationship on such a huge lie is building on sandy foundations?

I can understand that for various reasons you're apprehensive about protecting your assets for your children and also in case anything should happen between you and your partner that you would not want to lose your stability that you have achieved yourself. I 100% get that. But if you're both serious about committing to a relationship then surely these are conversations that you would have together? Discussions about assets and finances? If you can't have those discussions, open, honest and frank then maybe either you're not ready for this next step or you're not right for each other?