GP saying ‘just relax’

[Bubbles14]

Just had an appointment with my GP after been ttc for a long time. We have unexplained infertility and currently on waiting list for IVF, I also have raised prolactin (which very slowly) is getting explored. Her main message she kept repeating was to ‘just relax’ as stress doesn’t help the situation which although well intentioned, I found incredibly frustrating. Has anyone had a similar experience?

That's infuriating, and deeply unhelpful advice! You can't 'just relax' when having a difficult time with fertility, and also its bollocks that it makes a meaningful difference. Can you ask for a referral to a fertility clinic to do more investigations prior while you're on the list for IVF, I found my GP pretty useless when it came to anything to do with fertility and better to go to people who can help properly as soon as you can

Also there is no solid proof stress impacts anything, so she should really know to keep her mouth shut. Sorry but how dare you tell me to relax when I can't have babies, I don't understand the process, you're not helpful, it might take months until I know anything, there's so many things that can fail - from the number of follicles, mature eggs, day 3s, day 5s, euploids, etc, and even if the stars align and all of those are ok nobody says an embryo will implant, cause i might have lining issues, or clotting issues, or natural killer cells, or 29383 other things, and even if it does implant i could have a chemical at any point, and then my betas could be too low or it could be an ectopic, or i could get a bleed so like, sorry but - you effing relax!!!!! wait there was a great post on this somewhere on the forum, let me try to find it

EDIT: here, the second post from SarahandQuack The IVF story I needed to read | Mumsnet

But the gp is right, often when couples give up " trying" they find they have a viable pregnancy. Not in everyone's case but certainly in a fair few couples I've known.

@tripleginandtonic that’s circumstantial and anecdotal “evidence” and shouldn’t be shared by a doctor. There’s a fair few couples I know that had an extremely stressful ivf journey and still had live births. So telling someone to relax and pointing it might impact their chances is ethically and medically incorrect. Especially when they don’t know what underlying problems the OP might have.

100%! Also people forget that sometimes that is just statistics - if a couple keeps trying long enough for most unexplained infertility cases they will get pregnant so it's just about total tries not if the couple relaxed or not. (Not saying everyone would get pregnant, but a majority. And that definitely doesn't mean anyone should have to just keep trying and not get help).

The "relaxing" idea is purely anecdotal and incredibly unhelpful. You hear of these miracle stories because people share when it happens, not when it doesn't.

Your GP is categorically wrong. Request to see a different doctor next time if there's another at your practice. Unless you've only been trying 3 months and you're 22? What the GP needs to do is arrange the relevant tests and find out if there is a medical cause. Ideally if they are good they can start this in advance of when you become eligible for any IVF referral (this can be 1 year or 2 years depending on where you live), or as someone said above refer you to an IVF clinic to do the relevant tests (GPs aren't great at this, even hospitals).

The older you are the less relaxed you want to be. Personally knowing what I know now I'd just go and pay for tests privately at an IVF clinic that does NHS patients so knows the requirements, then bring them back to my GP.

@tripleginandtonic If we are going with anecdotal evidence, my best friend did as she was told and relaxed TTC for 3 years in her early thirties. Sadly she could not 'relax' her way around two blocked fallopian tubes. She now has a lovely little boy thanks to surgery and IVF. But she is currently undergoing repeated IVF rounds for a second child in her late thirties. If she had moved more quickly to start with this would be more likely to be successful and less painful now. With infertility time is important.

I'll never trust my GP again after I went to her with the same and I got upset in telling her because it had been an upsetting time trying for years and getting nothing. She told me to relax too, and also asked if I'd thought about adopting. So. Ridiculously. Ignorant.

I was very relaxed for the first two years of trying, wasn't worried as didn't think it would just keep going on, so if relaxing helps, why didn't it help when I was 5 years younger??

What did help was 5(!!!) rounds of IVF to finally get lucky enough to get the little egg that could. Antithetically much closer to 40 than the start of my journey, and after a hellish year of miscarriage and ectopic. Male morphological and fragmentation issues had nothing to do with my relaxing. And how i wish I could relax my biological clock enough to turn it backwards hah.

Hi, it really depends on the individual. If you’re around 30, there’s usually plenty of time, so in my personal opinion, taking a step back and relaxing can be reasonable. I personally know a few couples who were exhausted by their journey, decided to take a break and relax, and then ended up getting pregnant.
However, if you’re over 40, I can understand that it can feel frustrating. That said, I agree with doctors that stress itself is not considered a factor that directly affects success.

What is with all these gp's fobbing off all these woman. What absolute stupid advice to tell someone ttc to "just relax". I would see a different doctor after that.

That kind of blithe comment is fairly unhelpful and easier said than done, but just to add that elevated prolactin is contributed to by high levels of stress so it could be that they were thinking of that specific issue in your bloodwork.