IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

@strawberrylaces12 I had very mild cramps every day of my TWW, even the occasional "sudden stab cramps" which I didn't know how to interpret. It took me a few times to stop running to the bathroom asap to check it wasn't actually my period starting 🤣 I'll keep my fingers crossed that those cramps are a good sign 🍀

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick how are you feeling currently? Is it official test day tomorrow?

Edit: just saw your post above, thank you! I got these the last couple of cycles from progesterone but I don't think as early on? But who knows what's going on. I'd love to be able to physically see what is going on 😂

@solanks that's so unfair :( the Government keep saying they pledge to make things fairer but it all just seems under review for so long. Fingers crossed that she responds well to IVF and it's a good process for you both!

I feel like in the last few years my period pain has improved a bit thankfully but I have had some awful periods before. I remember in July I was on holiday exploring a city and just felt awful and faint from it. Thankfully it's only every so often I get that, the first few days are normally not nice then it's not too bad. Or maybe my tolerance has grown I'm not sure. Sorry to hear that yours are awful, so annoying we have to go through that!

I do! I'm seeing my mum in the afternoon and a pub quiz with friends in the evening but we got a load of household jobs sorted so we can have a lie in and slow morning tomorrow 😍how's your weekend going? 😊x

@strawberrylaces12 Ooh pub quiz sounds fun… I hope your team win! 😅 It’s a relatively chilled weekend for us… went for dinner last night with some friends, today we both had to work so no plans tonight - but my partner wants to watch the football lol, and tomorrow we are both with family for Mother’s Day. Enjoy your day tomo!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Just waiting to hear back from the clinic tbh to confirm when is realistic to start. There is a chance that it may even be able to be as soon as the end of the month! 🤞🏽

Hi @solanks, really sorry to hear about your NHS consultation. It was perhaps predictable that they would deny your referral based on the “rules”, but that’s no excuse to deliver the news with a dismissive and uncaring attitude. Will follow your complaint with interest.

pleased to hear that your private consultation went better and that you have a plan. Very exciting! On the AmH question, last year mine was 17.4 and this year it was 12.2. The consultant told me that it can fluctuate and that the scan that shows the antral follicle count is the more accurate predictor of how you will respond to stims.

i had my consultation at the new clinic yesterday, and it went fairly well. I had 8 follicles on the right side, but she couldn’t see my left ovary because it sits high and my bowel was in the way 🙄 but she said she wasn’t worried about it. Basically the consultant said she wouldn’t recommend doing anything massively different if I want to try ivf again, except put me on a slightly higher dose of stims and try to get more eggs than last time with the aim of getting more blasts. The quote from the new clinic is a bit more for a cycle of IVF than my old clinic, but it is consultant led, nearer to our home, includes a couple of “might be helpful” add ons including embryo glue and Embryoscope, and their admin side is really slick, so I think we’re gonna go with them. We’ve got to get a couple more bloods done, including CMV status, which is a bit of a pain, and we’ve got to sort our finances out. It’s likely to be May at the earliest that we can start, and I’m feeling really frustrated and impatient.

personally @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick i would like it if you stuck around and kept us updated as you were comfortable to do so. I really value this as a SSC trying to conceive space, rather than exclusively an “infertility” space, if that makes sense.

@strawberrylaces12 feeling pretty good all in all but very filled with cold. I woke up at 2am with sinus pain, wondering I could take Sudafed, but all gone now. Bizarre. Mostly my symptoms can be categorised as "very sensitive": to the cold, strong smells, sadness, hunger, travel sickness, the lot. I don't feel like I "get hungry" any more. I'm either fine or I need food right now. So I go b the clock not how I feel.

@solanks ooh! I hope the clinic is quick with admin and can get you going soon. That's so exciting, I look forward to seeing updates!

@Quickdraw23 my left is always going to! I have a "retroverted uterus" apparently too, which I only learned after my fourth ultrasound! But explains why there's always so much pushing around to get good images. Embryo glue looks like it really does work, from the papers I've read about it. Have you seen that hfea page that says how useful the add-ons might be? I'm so surprised you have taken a CMV status test yet. Or did you just choose a negative donor before? Thanks for your thoughts on my continuing posting too

Official testing day today, as if the brand new stretch marks on my boobs weren't enough of a sign, I have a very strong positive set of lines. In fact, this morning is what I've seen called a "dye stealer" where the test line is stronger than the control line! So I'm delighted. I get to call the clinic tomorrow and arrange for the viability scan (I guess at 6 or 7 weeks but I don't actually know!).

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick how exciting!! Congratulations 🥰 eek won't even be that long until the first scan 😍are you going to do anything nice to celebrate?

I hope that the cold goes away soon! 🤞

@strawberrylaces12 try to keep my mouth shut when we're visiting parents later today mostly! Paranoid that my parents will notice my now humongous bosoms. Or that I'll heave at something random and give the game away. This morning has been nice and slow before the visits begin 😁 When are you planning to test?

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Fingers crossed it goes well! Perhaps wear a baggy top/jumper and you could always blame any nausea on having a cold and just feeling a bit run down. I often get nausea around those times and just randomly too!

Test day is Thursday if my period doesn't arrive by then (due about then I think). I've got similar sore boobs especially near my arm pits that I've had before within the week leading up to my period though so I'm not feeling particularly confident about the outcome. Also had a wave of nausea come over me this morning but again I've had that in the week before my period before. Annoying how similar pms and early pregnancy symptoms can be! So will have to wait and see but idk, feeling a bit down again today.

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick yes the CMV thing has really thrown me as my previous clinic didn’t mention the need for a test. I do remember a small disclaimer bundled up with all the millions of other forms and info sheets etc which stated that if you are CMV negative there’s a really small risk of things going wrong in the pregnancy if your donor is positive, but it was really downplayed and I think in the stress of doing the cycle I kind of dismissed it, which was a bit sloppy of me.

as me and my partner both want to try with the same donor we’ve now both got to get cmv status bloods which is going to take us a couple of weeks. If either of us is negative we’re going to have to sell all our sperm back to the bank and start the donor search again, which would be very frustrating indeed.

@Quickdraw23 Thank you for sharing that info. I guess until we officially start and go for that initial scan we won't be able to know much more. I am looking forward to starting but am also feeling so scared and so nervous at the same time.

I was wondering if there is any advice you'd give to a couple like us who are at the very early stages of things?

I'm surprised and sorry that the clinic did not investigate your CMV status at the beginning. I really hope that the tests you do come back ok and you can continue to still use your donor. I know that this is not advised by clinics in our situations, but I do know of someone who is CMV-neg but went ahead with a CMV-pos donor for IVF as there were no CMV-neg donors available at the time, and she went on to have a successful outcome with a healthy baby. She knew the risks but chose not to wait.

Have you decided on whether you'll go ahead with this clinic? Sounds all positive from what I've read so far. I know it's not an easy decision as my partner and I also considered changing x

@Quickdraw23 Following on from what @solanks said, in case you did want to keep your vials, we went with a CMV pos donor but my wife is CMV neg (we will both use the donor). Our Dr said it is a theoretical risk, as no donors will have a live infection (just antibodies) which means it is almost impossible to pass on or cause any issues, donors with live infections are not taken on. Obviously, as it is 'almost impossible' it is not 'impossible', therefore that is the very small risk factor. However, we decided that if we were to make a baby together naturally (if only that were possible) we wouldn't know our CMV status (I am pos she is neg). We felt comfortable taking the risk as did our Dr and we have no reservations about our donor. Just so you have the other side of it, but obviously, everyone has different levels of risk that they are willing to go with, so it is not for everyone which is completely understandable as it is a lot of money to spend!

@solanks Fingers crossed you get a plan in place soon and hopefully you can start in April!

@strawberrylaces12 Hope you are getting on with the TTW okay, not long now until test day!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Congrats for your official positive, please do keep us posted with your pregnancy journey. It is so lovely to see a BFP on this thread, and some positive news, it gives me hope hehe!

Not much to update from me, I am 8 days into oestrogen tablets, which are making me VERY emotional aha. We have our scan on Thursday this week to see how my lining is doing and book in the FET, which I think will be late next week eeek. I am dreading the TWW if I am honest, is it just me or do they get harder every time?!

@Twomumfamily thank you, it's going okay but with the similar sore boob pain that I usually have on the lead up to my period (in the area near my arm pits) and my resting heart rate is slowly decreasing according to my fitbit again which often happens on the lead up to my period I'm just preparing myself for a negative outcome tbh. I know it sounds pessimistic but I think I'd rather have time to process it than be really optimistic and then get a sudden shock by my period, if that makes sense. I'm due on probably around Thursday so we will see!

Just to add to the conversation about CMV - both my wife and I were tested as suggested by our NHS clinic (the idea of if her being tested in case she goes through any fertility treatment in the future, although obviously the status can change). We're negative and although we did get a range of donors offered with one being CMV positive we were advised to go with negative. Perhaps they were just being really cautious!

@strawberrylaces12 I got through mother’s day visits unscathed – I went with a baggy jumper and there were no comments. Sounds like you typically get strong PMS symptoms so identifying by feeling early would be next to impossible. Not long now until you have a better idea. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

@Quickdraw23 re: CMV – I agree with other comments that’s a “personal risk” thing. I am CMV negative and our clinic really really doesn’t like to go ahead with a CMV positive donor – you have to sign a specific waiver. We went with a CMV negative donor just for peace of mind. I don’t think it’s sloppy to go with a positive donor.

@Twomumfamily Best of luck for the scan on Thursday! Wow everything seems to be happening so quickly. I bet it doesn’t feel so fast for you, waiting.

@strawberrylaces12 ah sorry about the pain, tww is such a mind f**k!! I do the same, it really does affect the mental health otherwise.

How interesting re CMV, our Dr (who is the official donor Dr) was very chill about CMV status, but it’s certainly something that is very personal and a decision that needs careful thought. We did some of our own research and felt comfortable using a pos donor but it did help that our Dr wasn’t worried. Completely understand it isn’t for everyone though, if our Dr hadn’t been non fussed we may have felt differently for sure!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick @Twomumfamily thanks both! It really does mess with my brain. Because now my cramps seem to have reduced/gone at times but could that just be progesterone reducing (including absorbing less from the pessaries if not pregnant). But then I do often have cramps leading up to my period without the pessaries. So easy to over think it. I'm just going to try and ignore any pms vs pregancy symptoms as much as possible and just see what happens (with preparing myself for a negative outcome but having a little bit of hope still).

Thanks for the perspectives on CMV status everyone, really helpful. The consultant we spoke to at the new clinic did say that their very cautious approach was a little “old fashioned”, and that most clinics don’t push for CMV status anymore as the risks are so low. Basically they want it checked so that if either of us are negative and want to continue with a positive donor they can have us sign a waiver stating we are aware of the risks. The cynic in me thinks it’s a bit of an arse covering exercise.

@solanks if I remember correctly you are waiting for an initial private appointment doe ivf? In terms of advice I would say these things helped me:

• trying to go into the appointment relaxed as possible
• take a notepad and pen with you
• if you have questions for the consultant write them down before (I often forget questions in the midst of an appointment)
• ask them to explain which protocol they plan to put you on and why

im sure other things will come to me if I remember

Started spotting this afternoon so I think my period will start tomorrow. Had some pms symptoms so I'm not surprised but obviously sad.

Hope everyone is okay!

@strawberrylaces12 sorry to hear it. Does your clinic make you test on 14dpiui regardless of bleeding?

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick no they don't make us. Usually by then because I've started to full on bleed so it's very obviously a period (usually/around on 14dpiui). I've tested once when I hadn't started my period but it was negative and then I started spotting later that day and period the next day. If it was just spotting but no full flow they may advise it. Will just see what happens tomorrow but don't think I'll be testing on Thursday and instead will be booking in scans for the next cycle (which will be medicated).

Atm I don't even want to keep going with it because I'm just feeling so fed up and sad. But I know in the long run I want to, even if it turns out I can't conceive then I know I'll have wanted to have given it my best shot.

I can understand the frustration. I guess as this is your new donor it's like starting all over again, which I imagine would be very frustrating.

Yeah definitely!

Started bleeding properly today so got a day 2 scan booked for tomorrow as it'll be a medicated cycle next. Here we go again 😅

Hope everything is well with you 😊