The 3 week wait no one mentions

[Zibidee]

SO we did the two week wait, and success! We are pregnant! But then we come crashing down to earth as the clinic tells us to wait 3 weeks for a scan to check it isn't a chemical pregnancy. The scan will hopefully show a heart beat.
Why does no one mention the 3 week wait? Its more torturous than the 2 week, which was actually only 11 days in the end.

And then of course will be the 5 week wait to get us to 12 weeks and hopefully in the clear.
How to people cope with this waiting? I'm fine while 'm at work, my job is very busy so don't have time to think but as soon as I get home I'm googling things and worrying!

Firstly congrats!
Secondly, I’m finding my entire pregnancy is waiting to get from one milestone to the next. This is the shitty result of IVF just conditioning us for something going wrong. You wait for the number of follicles, number of eggs collected, numbers fertilised, how many embryos get to D3, D5, how many can be frozen/transferred, 2WW, 6 week viability scan, 12 week mark where the miscarriage rate falls, 20 week scan to see baby’s development, 26 weeks to get to the viability part…. It just never stops. I mean I’m almost 26 weeks and still knicker checking!

There are a list of things you can try mainly to distract yourselves. I spend time watching tele, reading books, going for walks whatever & whenever I can manage, watch stupid videos on YouTube … but as pp said it’s a never ending worry waiting to get from one milestone to another. Sorry, I have no magical solution but wrote to tell you that you are not alone 🤗🤗

Congratulations on your positive pregnancy test & all the best for the journey ahead 😘

Congratulations! Might be worth trying to arrange some betas in between if that will help, so you can see your levels rising, but yes, IVF is one long arduous wait!

Yep it’s just one wait after another! I remember the time from bfp to 12 weeks taking forever. I think it is more difficult with ivf pregnancies as you’ve waited so long and it’s much harder to relax and believe it’s finally happening. I’d did find time sped up after 12 weeks and now I have no idea how I have a 1yr old!

Step away from google! It always tells you the worst. Find a good series to get into, I watched the entire 7 seasons of the Gilmore Girls. After 5 weeks I was shattered so I’d be asleep by 9pm which was actually a blessing as it saved me from more time worrying.

What are betas?
Do you think this is an ivf issue then? I guess because we know so much so early.

Congrats! But your whole pregnancy will be waiting for the next milestone I'm afraid. Even the day before my due date my husband and I discussed things as 'if' we bring home our baby, nor 'when'. It's what infertility does to you, makes you doubt everything and assume the worst. My advice is to enjoy it now, and think positively as more than likely things will be absolutely fine x

By betas I mean hcg blood tests to show what your levels are. A lot of clinics do them early on to check the levels are doubling every couple of days, which is a better indication that it’s not a chemical. Although I agree with pp, enjoy this moment and be a positive as you can, I’ve never had a BFP, but I’m sure the stress never ends!

@Scottishgirl85

Congrats! But your whole pregnancy will be waiting for the next milestone I'm afraid. Even the day before my due date my husband and I discussed things as 'if' we bring home our baby, nor 'when'. It's what infertility does to you, makes you doubt everything and assume the worst. My advice is to enjoy it now, and think positively as more than likely things will be absolutely fine x

Did you ever get less fearful of making plans? I'm being very cautious about talking about anything baby related, even though we've been talking about baby names since meeting 9years ago and been planning for a baby in our home for the last 5yrs. I'd like to think about 13weeks I will feel a bit safer but if things went wrong, I would blame karma and be self-critical for having planned too early.

While you can't do anything about the 3 week wait, if you don't want to wait the 5 weeks (or more with current NHS delays) till the 12 week scan, then many places will do a private "reassurance" scan from 10 weeks gestation where they basically check for heartbeat again, the current development/measurements, and will give you a picture (cost is around £50).

I did this - plus had a private Nipt test at the same time to check for the common trisomy's as I'm an older mum to be. I'm glad I did as I'm due to have my NHS "12 week" scan tomorrow at 13 + 3 because they are so busy. Years of IVF is hard enough as it is - like you, I thought I'd feel able to relax a bit more once I actually managed to get pregnant!

Ok thats good to know, I will ask my clinic if they do a 10 week scan. Although I remember reading years ago that ultrasound scans should be done sparingly as apparently there is some implication of radiation to the fetus after lots of ultrasounds.
I'm not sure I would want to know about chromosome problems. I am a special needs teacher and teach many students daily who have too many or not enough chromosomes and who have happy lives. And I don't know if I could bring myself to terminate, unless they would definitely not survive or survive for a short time with a lot of discomfort.

@Zibidee afraid to say I worried right the way through until baby was in my arms, we didn't make any solid plans as didn't want to tempt fate. But to be honest I still worry now and they're 3 and 6! Worrying is part of being a parent and it never ends, at least for me x

Congratulations on your BFP OP. I am also in the 3 week wait and agree, this is much harder than the 2ww. How long do you have to go? How are you feeling? I'm just so tired!

Congratulations OP! Amazing news!

I am just at the start of my ivf journey, and from what I understand the whole thing from now up until giving birth, is just waiting for something and reaching a goal (milestone like a pp said). It really scares me and amazes me at the same time.

Thank you, it's a weird thought, I really didn't think it would work and I'm trying not to jinx it by thinking too far ahead. I have two weeks and two days to go. Every twinge makes me nervous, does it mean something has gone wrong, does it mean things are going right or is it, most likely, just the pessary side effects!

Yes, I feel the same about every twinge. I've had a lot of cramp and backache, which makes me feel like my period is starting. I feel so much more invested than I did during the 2ww so if the 7 week scan is not good news I'm not sure how I'll cope as this is very much our last chance. Fingers crossed for us all.

Congratulations! That's great news. And good luck to you all. But as others have said, prepare yourself for months of worry now . I'm 27 weeks pregnant and have only just started to relax about it a bit. Similar to @scottishgirl85 I have really struggled to get away from the "if" mentality. I'm sure different folk handle it in different ways, but I didn't tell anyone (apart from those who knew we were doing ivf) for ages and ages and am still really awkward about it. We got high risk downs chance - which turned out okay following the nipt test - but definitely put us back on shaky ground for a couple of weeks. I found I didn't really want to talk about the pregnancy with anyone apart from my partner and still feel uncomfortable because I just can't relax and think it could go smoothly from here. A SiL dropped off a load of baby stuff at the weekend which totally freaked me out, but I'm having to get to grips with it because it's now very obvious.

I'm really trying to make a conscious decision to think "when" rather than "if" which is actually helping quite a bit. So I don't mean to scare you, but maybe just prepare yourself as it came as a surprise to me how I feel. I'm convinced it's because with ivf you are used to things being harder and not going the way you'd hoped. But obviously that can change! Anyway, I really hope you can relax a bit, and try to keep busy and away from Google!

Congratulations to those of you no longer facing the uncertainty of not knowing if you will ever get pregnant.

Out of respect for those still facing this torture, can you take this discussion into the pregnancy boards rather than the infertility section please.

That’s a bit harsh whynottry.. I’m not sure many on the pregnancy boards would really understand this anxiety. My family and friends who have no fertility issues have no experience of this, they just go for their 12 week scan and it’s all generally ok. I’m sorry it upsets you to see this kind of post.

Some of the posts in this thread are tone deaf. You’re complaining about being anxious about scans in an infertility forum, many of the people on here won’t ever be lucky enough to be in this position.

Is this thread about infertility… no. It is about pregnancy, so make a thread about being anxious about scans after infertility treatment and discuss it in the pregnancy section of the website. This simply is not a topic for an infertility forum, the fact you think it is shows you have forgotten what it is like to be facing a potential childless life.

@Whynottry123 As the original poster I feel I should respond to this. I definitely understand this sentiment and I do feel for those that have not gotten this far. However the issue of the 3 week wait which has caused such anxiety is that chemically speaking, I am pregnant, Clear blue tells me so, but until that 7 week scan, I am not definitely pregnant. The chances of success at 7 weeks is still only 30% for me, the same as it has been all the way through this journey.
And therefore I don't see myself as actually pregnant yet, still just waiting, and the wait is long!
So while I understand how you feel, I don't think it is appropriate to move this thread to a Pregnancy forum. Especially as everyone going through IVF, who gets passed the two week wait, will have to go through this too and so might find the experience of others, useful.
Once I hear a heartbeat, then I will join the pregnancy forum.

I agree with above. Slightly different angle -
I have my children. Pregnancy/ babies - all that was lovely (mostly). I did have some miscarriages.

It’s so difficult now. Chronic illness in two children - we overcame that. Now we have an child with psychosis - and the NHS has not been as supportive as you might hope. We are left trying to pick up the pieces.

I think sometimes just be content. Appreciate what you do have. You only have one life.

Mostly Agree with PP who said that pregnancy is one milestone after another... I never thought of them as milestones but more like hurdles.

This should have stayed in its original board. Those of us who get a positive test after IVF have some very specific concerns. Our chances of being told we have a viable pregnancy at 7 weeks are lower. We are also still on our IVF drugs and so if we do miscarry we are less likely to know until that scan. There is still a bigger chance for most of us of having no baby, so many are very reasonably thinking that they will remain childless.