The 3 week wait no one mentions

[Zibidee]

SO we did the two week wait, and success! We are pregnant! But then we come crashing down to earth as the clinic tells us to wait 3 weeks for a scan to check it isn't a chemical pregnancy. The scan will hopefully show a heart beat.
Why does no one mention the 3 week wait? Its more torturous than the 2 week, which was actually only 11 days in the end.

And then of course will be the 5 week wait to get us to 12 weeks and hopefully in the clear.
How to people cope with this waiting? I'm fine while 'm at work, my job is very busy so don't have time to think but as soon as I get home I'm googling things and worrying!

@Whynottry123 why not move all ivf/iui chats to the conception boards? It’s conversation about conception after all. It’s a shame you feel this way though, I think this thread is more suited to the infertility boards.

I wish you all the best with your treatment.

I won’t lie I think this should have stayed on the IVF board. I’ve felt out of place for a while after being on the IVf boards and then moving to pregnancy, even though I’m grateful!
It’s hard in the pregnancy board for non ivf pregnancies to really relate to some of what we feel (purely down to how clinical and scientific our process is in terms of medication and procedures and how I felt at every stage it could all go wrong!). I know it’s not just IVF pregnancies that have this however, we’ve faced so much to get to this point and even when you think you’ve reached the goal post- there’s always something else!

When we had our 6 week viability scan I sobbed so hard as soon as they told us there was a heart beat. I didn’t hear anything else they told me. I didn’t stop crying for over an hour. They talked it all through with my DH whilst I sat there with tears constantly flowing.

That is still a very valid part of my IVF journey, just as much as egg collection and transfers (2) and I know through friends that I wasn’t alone in that feeling.

But anyway, OP - it hasn’t stopped for me! I’m 12 1/2 weeks into mine, 5 scans later and just had our private NIPT test. This will get us to 14 weeks then the results should be back, then only have a week for the ‘gender/sex’ (call it whatever you wish!) scan (which we will already know thanks to NIPT).

You’re right, those 3/4 weeks from that positive test is so difficult, the relief doesn’t stop just because it’s a positive test. My only advice is get stuck into a TV show or book series and distract yourself as much as possible! That’s what I did to help and still do now

I agree, I feel this should have stayed on the infertility boards - to me, it's like policing these boards to say women with secondary infertility shouldn't contribute - simply because they (perhaps eventually after many years) are lucky enough to already have a child. Yes, it was sometimes gutting to me reading their stories since I thought I would never conceive at all but I wouldn't want to imply my pain or worries trumped theirs or say they should post elsewhere.

I'm feeling the same btw OP - I still can't really believe this has happened after so long and am too scared to tell friends and family in case it goes wrong. I think that is just what years of infertility/IVF does to you - you know you are higher risk and every scan I think "Is the heartbeat still there?".

Thanks for moving it back. It's a real help to those of us in this situation.

Thank you for all the support everyone.
And it's good to know I'm not going crazy feeling like this.
Mumsnet have since apologised hence the move back here.
But I do also feel for those who are still so far away from this point and accept that the mention of BFP or pregnancy can trigger huge sadness.
Wishing everyone hope and success for the future.

People with low risk pgs don't get the 3 week wait because they don't get such an early scan. It is an unknown hurdle to ppl like me.

Low risk pg people still get wait to positive test or missed period, wait to get each appt scheduled, passing checks at each MW contact, 12-week scan date, 13 weeks as its own fuzzy milestone, then 20 weeks, then 24 weeks, then 32 or 34 weeks, then birth, then coming home safely, sometimes others.

@Zibidee and everyone. Those early weeks of pregnancy post IVF are extremely tough. Best of luck.

It's a tricky thing and I don't often mention it on the IVF threads I'm on because people are clearly dreaming of that BFP (as was I). But the fact is that for some of us those early weeks are actually harder than the IVF process - I totally lost it during my early pregnancy - my anxiety levels were actually off the chart.

Just so you know we had a thread about this during my first pregnancy back in 2018. It was called BFP post IVF : any other ladies in need of a handhold and was in infertility. I guess the title was a little more obvious so easier to avoid for those finding it triggering.

It was an amazing source of support for many of us in those early weeks. What I found was that it did get very gradually easier. I ended up having a lot of scans - my anxiety took me to the EPU (more available pre Covid) and I also did a harmony test so I had scans at weeks 6,7,9,10,12. After 12 weeks I started to very slowly begin to believe and after 24-26 weeks my anxiety slowly went. It was tough but obviously worth it.

It's so hard to believe it can really happen to you after such long and difficult journeys. But it can.

I also created another one called something like Pregnancy 12 weeks plus post IVF/infertility. The anxiety after that was really but slightly different. That board was moved (quite rightly) to pregnancy. I'm still in touch with a few of those ladies and I've even met up with 2 of them!

Best of luck - I really hope it works out for you all and that the support is helpful xxx

Thanks so much @janefx40 - I've felt like I'm losing my mind these last few weeks. Scan this week and I'm petrified. I've found it much harder than the 2ww, where I'd resigned myself to it not working. Thanks for understanding.

@SerendipitySunshine when is your scan? It's terrifying I know. I had cramps one night and was absolutely certain that was the end of the pregnancy. My GP was (uncharacteristically) amazing. He said he could send me to the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan but as it was so early we might not see anything and that could increase my anxiety. I remember saying I didn't think it was possible for me to become any more anxious so I wanted to do that! I also cried hysterically in front of him. I said I felt silly like I should be able to cope with this. He said "why. No one would be able to cope with this". I've never forgotten that and always feel grateful to him for taking me seriously and not treating me like a fool!!!

That first scan when they saw the heartbeat I just cried hysterically. The sonographer was quite alarmed.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, this is incredibly tough. It's totally normal to feel this way and just be as nice to yourself as you can and do whatever you can to get through it x

That's so kind, thank you. First scan is on Tuesday. I'm simultaneously desperately wishing time away and not wanting to go, because if it is bad news, I'm not sure how I'll cope. I had my guard up in the 2ww, didn't allow myself to think it could be positive, so when it was I had a huge rush of emotion that I can't squeeze back in the bottle!

@serendipitySunshine that's exactly how I'm feeling. Convinced myself it would be negative to protect myself, disbelief with the positive and now real fear of a non viable result.
Mine is in 10days still, the wait is agony!

Good luck to you all, I’ve had more experiences than I care to remember where the 7 wk scan was bad news, it’s still very very tenuous and I don’t join birth clubs anymore to discuss early scans for this reason. Just remember your chance is as good as any at the moment and first hurdle is down. Keep yourself busy til your scan if you can, I find that really helps me avoid the spiral of googling etc

Sorry to hear that @mowglika

We've just come out of the scan - there was a heartbeat and all looks OK so I feel so much better now. Thanks for your kind wishes.

@SerendipitySunshine that is amazing news! Congratulations 💐💐. So glad you are feeling happier xxx

@serendipitySunshine that's brilliant! So happy for you! 9 days til mine...

Yeahhhhh @SerendipitySunshine, great news, so happy and relieved for you :) xx

The waiting doesn't stop until you have a healthy baby in your arms. I know how you feel!

I also think this thread belongs here. I have been childless and infertile and it is the worst. Takes over every aspect of your life and for me, it was much worse than pregnancy anxiety because at least there was progress and hope (and I didn't have a straightforward pregnancy). I've every sympathy for anyone who finds this thread upsetting.

But this is the infertility forum and you don't just move on when you get pregnant. You realise you never wanted to be pregnant; you want a baby and you're not there yet. The years of infertility have scarred you and affects every aspect in a way that someone who got pregnant quite easily wouldn't understand. I bought nothing for my dc until I was past 30 weeks pregnant. Then there's the very unfortunate who have suffered multiple losses. Many are just understandably terrified and cannot contemplate excitement. If you're very lucky, you get your baby and you're infertile again and have to have more treatment if you want another. Yes, you're luckier than someone who is childless and you don't ever forget that, but you're still infertile. And that's why there should be space for us in the infertility section.

Good luck to those with scans this week.

I have my viability scan today. I am 6wk and 5 days

Good luck @Hansoo xx

Hope it went well.

How's everyone doing? I'm petrified as after last week seeing a heartbeat last night I noticed a tiny bit of brown blood when wiping. I'm so scared this is a miscarriage.

Hi @SerendipitySunshine sorry you've had this worry. Bleeding doesn't necessarily mean anything bad although obviously it is terrifying when it happens. Has it stopped or continued? Brown blood is also older so probably better than red but even red doesn't always (or even usually) mean miscarriage. Have everything crossed for you x

Thanks so much. Yes, it has stopped. I'm hoping I can get a scan in the morning. Thanks again.