Secondary infertility

[Queenoflondon]

Hi anyone want to chat about secondary infertility ? Feeling so low :(
Been trying no 2 for nearly 3 years. 2 failed frozen cycle and 1 fresh failed last month. 1 frozen left. Don't know if I should go for it after so many failed cycles.

Thinking to try naturally. Low sperm count, motility any advise please

Hello no advice I’m afraid. I’ve literally just come on here after seeing yet another pregnancy announcement on Facebook and wondering if it will ever be me. We started trying for our 2nd late 2018 when ds was 5, he’s now nearly 8. Potential age gap just getting bigger and bigger. No known reason why it’s not happening. I’m so beyond fed up. An acquaintance has had 2 babies (close in age) while we’ve been trying. I’m ashamed at how jealous I’ve become of other people.

I can understand your feelings. It's so upsetting :(
I am in the same Boat. It's getting harder and harder feel so frustrating

@Queenoflondon I'm so sorry to hear that. I empathise. Nowhere near as long as yours, but we're on cycle 19 trying for no 2. Started when my daughter was 1 (got pregnant with her in the first month of trying). I can't offer anything but empathy, I know there's not much else that helps. What are doctors/medical professionals saying/recommending?

@jenniuol Don't be ashamed. I got a Christmas card from my cousin in December, with a surprise announcement of their second. It made me so angry and so upset. It feels so unfair - I feel cheated, and like you, I feel jealous. She had her first three months after we had ours, and as far as I know got pregnant with the 2nd very quickly.

@NeelaBlue So so so sorry to hear about your losses

@NeelaBlue so sorry to hear about your losses.
Thanks for recommending to improve sperm will look in to it.

@Syli Abc IVF told me to get a blood test done to check recurrent implantation failure. We want to find out why my cycle keeps failing. I feel so fed up on this journey now :(
It's so frustrating when my dd ask me questions like when am I going to give her little brother or sister :-(

Anyone gone through this? What reply you guys give to your kids ?

I have a naturally conceived 4 1/2 year old. Been trying for dc2 for over three years with one natural early MC and three failed embryo transfers. My NCT friend started trying for her second at the same time as me and gave birth to her third last week. I've been lapped! It's so painful. I'm currently in an ok emotional spot but it's just so up and down. I've lay crying on the floor feeling utterly broken. I feel like time is running out. I wanted a small age gap and that's long gone.

My dd has two pretend babies so I have to play babies a lot. She would absolutely love a sibling. Sometimes she asks if I have a baby in my tummy (it's just cake!) but she's somehow not asked me to have a baby. I have said it's not always easy to make a baby.

I had an egg collection in November but ended up having to freeze all and hopefully finally doing a FET this month. I'm not really sure what we'll do when we run out of frozen embryos. I don't think I'm ready to think about that yet. It's so shit isn't it!?

I feel I've wasted 3 years of my amazing dd's life by being such an emotional wreck! I know how incredibly lucky I am to have her though.

@seven201 sorry for what you are going through. My story is so identical to yours.
I will be soon going to get FET done but before that I want to get acupuncture done in case if that helps to increase my chances of conceiving this time

This is my last embryo left. I have no idea what I will do. It's bloody so expensive and mentally draining :(

@Queenoflondon That must be incredibly difficult. Especially when cycles aren't in place to assist with the process. I think @seven201 gives a good response to her daughter; kids tend to take what we say to them with a good stride. It's important not to burden them, of course, but I think it's completely fine to say it isn't easy to make a baby.

@seven201 About wasting time, I feel this guilt so much with my daughter. She's 2.5 in a couple of weeks, and for 1.5 years of her life, I've been focused on getting pregnant. It's so difficult. The lapping thing must hurt a lot. I feel so resentful towards others who get pregnant sometimes. My husband's cousin is coming to visit soon, with his highly pregnant wife - it's their second, and their kid is 9 months younger than ours. We wanted three kids with close age gaps, which is why we started trying the month my daughter turned 1.

My cycles are spot on 28/29 days each month. I ovulate regularly, follicles are nice and big, and everything is perfect on my husband's side. While I know I'm lucky as I have many years to go, it feels unfair that I'm not pregnant yet. I feel like I've done everything right. Started early with my first one (26 when I fell pregnant), and have been trying for 2nd since 28. Will be 30 in April.

This month I'm starting on Letrozol. Will do this for 3 cycles, then we'll have to start looking at IVF, finances allowing. It feels like a really tough milestone, especially when the doctors keep telling me I'm a picture of perfect fertility.

@Syli we've been trying exact same time as you with 2.5yr old daughter conceived naturally. Im 38 however and miscarried a year ago. Our test results came back fine for me but my husband has 2% morphology. Its heartbreaking as literally everyone I know is pregnant with their second except me. Really struggling to keep going each month and would be nice not to feel so alone. My hubby wont do IVF until june but time is ticking

@Melds22 Good to hear from you :)

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That's heartbreaking.

I also understand the frustration. My husband's cousin's wife is in labour with her second as I'm writing this, my cousin's second is due in June. And 2nd time pregnancy announcements seem to be popping up everywhere.

I finished my first round of Letrozol yesterday (CD 3-7). Follicle measurement on Tuesday. Since my ovulations are so regular and everything seems in order, we're hoping for superovulation with a nice big egg the little swimmers can't miss. I'm not optimistic though, I have to say - and worrying IVF won't work either.

Is there a particular reason for your husband's results? Anything that can be done naturally? Why won't he do IVF till summer?

Sending support your way!

Secondary infertility here too. I'm afraid I don't have much advice. My DC is 12 and we've been trying for 10 years. At the end of 2020 we started IVF and I had my transfer on Monday. All I can say is that while it totally sucks, I try to remember that I have a very healthy child and a beautiful family already, which is so much more than many have. I went through a period a few years ago where I focussed so much on what I didn't have that I couldn't even see the blessings in my life so now I make a conscious effort to not end up in that place again

Good luck!!

@jonrik thats a lovely attitude to have! I try rhat but it keeps me up at night and i avoid all my friend and little girl's toddler friends as all they talk about is babies and im the odd one out. Let us know how your ivf goes, fingers crossed for you.
@Syli he wants to try another few months naturally as IVF doesnt feel right to him when weve managed to have a kid already. Plus its alot of money for a small success rate but we may have no choice.
Whats Letrozol? Ive no idea why hes getting these results but he had testicular torsion14 years ago so could have affected it? Honestly dont know what to do

@jonrik Yeah, it's so important, isn't it? I had a long period where I felt a lot of guilt towards my daughter for not giving her a sibling. Now I try to focus on the positives of her having her parents 'to herself' for longer :)

@Melds22 Yeah, I can understand that. Then again, you've been trying for almost two years, right? And yes, it is incredibly costly. We're lucky here in Sweden, as a lot of it is subsidised, so we can get three rounds for about 6000 GBP. Still a substantial investment, though - and not a realistic one for us atm. Letrozol is an ovulation-stimulating hormone treatment, so you get really big, really good eggs. In me, it's meant to contribute to superovulation (as I already ovulate regularly).

@Melds22 As in, you've been trying since the miscarriage? Had you been trying long before then?

A friend of mine miscarried in Nov 2019, she's 38. Then it'd taken her 8 months to fall pregnant. After the miscarriage it took her 11 months, 4 of which were with help (hormonal treatment + IUI x 4).

@jonrik How are you finding IVF? I know it sucks (all of this does), but would be curious to hear how the process is.

We started trying a year and a half ago when my daughter turned one then took 6 months to get pregnant and miscarried. Its now been a year of trying again and i feel like it will never happen. Has anybody tried inofolic alpha? A friend recommended it to me but ill try anything.

@Syli, it's been alright actually and much quicker than I thought. We had an initial appointment a couple of years ago but then didn't go through with it. We got in touch again in October 2020 and here we are, embryo on board!
Our problem is that my tubes are nearly entirely blocked but everything else seems to be in perfect working order so we were on a very short protocol: 2 weeks stims, egg collection, 1 week later transfer. I was bracing myself for big side effects but, touch wood, I had absolutely nothing, apart from a bit of wind for a while so I really count myself lucky. From an emotional perspective it's been fine too. I suppose the only thing is that my mind is suddenly consumed with hope and envisaging a life as a family of 4 rather than 3, which is something I had pushed away as a thought for long time. That comes with a level of uncertainty and anxiety but all in all it's been an easy ride for us so far. Touch on wood again!! Are you considering it?

@Melds22 Wow, so exactly exactly like our timeline. I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am. I understand the feeling completely. It does feel very hopeless, but I do think that with medical help, almost anything's possible. Is IUI not an option for you considering the morphology? I haven't heard of that, no, what is it?

@jonrik That's amazing! How exciting it must be for you, I'm sure it must be strange re-entertaining those thoughts. So you're in waiting mode now? Happy to hear you didn't have many side effects. Just these past 5 days of hormones have been sooo rough. PMS like crazy. Yes we're absolutely wanting to do IVF, finances allowing. Will do 3 months of ovulation stimulating, but I don't really believe in it. Everything is top notch physically here, no physical blockages, big follicles, all good on my husband's side of things, so I'm wondering if something goes wrong at the post-fertilisation/implantation stage. Anyway, if I'm not pregnant by April/May (I'm 30 in April) we'll be looking into IVF. The gyno said IUI is kinda pointless since everything is in perfect working order.

I think with relation to your kids asking for a sibling depending how old they are it's best to be honest -we told my daughter that mummy might not able to have any more children but that means she has mummy and daddy all to herself. She has 3 pretend sisters (she got the idea off one of her friends who is an only child). I have a SIL whose first was born 3 months after mine then we both got pregnant at the same time when our kids were around 1.5 she was due the day after me but I found out that mine was incompatible with life due to chromosomal abnormalities and got the results the same day she has her 12 week scan which she posted all over Facebook that was hard - it got easier once my niece was born (mine was a boy) it was just really hard when she was pregnant. As we are slightly older, got married first and had our baby first the one's who didn't know I tried to avoid! Xx

Im so sorry for your loss @MummyBearBoo, that must have been a real struggle seeing that baby all the time? Did you guys do any tests at all? I miscarried when my little girl was 1.5 too, a year ago.
Now EVERY Mum I met on mat leave with a kid the same age as mine has had their 2nd so I cant face them and in essence now have no friends where I live but I have to do it for my mental health. I sound like such a selfish cow dont I? But im really not! My daughter's godmother is also pregnant when she was always saying she wouldnt have another for ages. Tbh I just feel really alone. All the specialists are saying my results are great. Yet when i track my cycle with OPKs I ovulate on CD23 or this month not at all so really long cycles cant be a good thing? Im now trying to be super healthy, spent a fortune on some special suplements and my husband sits there drinking Pepsi Max all day..We're at the end of our tether as he says he's no monk and has already given up alcohol and vaping so thats all hes doing. It just makes me wonder if hes not willing to make sacrifices is it worth me leaving him for somebody healthier to give my daughter a sibling. I know that sounds low but hes the one woth low morphology and I really dont like the idea of an IVF baby and paying a fortune for just 30% chance and possibly more heartache. Im sorry I sound like a bad person but Im a woman in despair!

My whole friend group too there's 8 couples all have at least 2 kids that was bar a female same sex couple but they've just now had IVF twins!!

Sorry to hear that @neelablue, r u still together now? I will give it a few more months as we have actually made a pact to try ivf if not preggo by April. Its so hard not thinking what could have been if i married somebody else but hes a great Dad to our daughter and she totally dotes on him so I just keep thinking of that! Aww @MummyBearBoo isnt it rubbish! How long u guys been trying? Its such a lonely road isnt it? Everyone thinks you should be grateful for the kid u have but i think its worst as you're desperate to give your child a sibling.