Jealous and Sad - handhold needed

[Bobblehatwobble]

Another pregnancy announcement at work. The woman is literally the nastiest and most aggressive person I’ve ever met.
The unfairness and jealousy is overwhelming.
Does it ever end? Will I stop feeling this way eventually? I hate it. I hate being this person.
My IVF cycle starts next month - why is it so hard for me and so easy for other people?
Just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

@Bobblehatwobble I feel you. It's hard not to feel jealous and sad. I would just acknowledge the feeling and then try and not compare yourself to others. I was sat in the garden a couple of weeks ago when it suddenly became obvious my neighbour had gathered friends and family to tell them her pregnancy news. I had to go inside the house because I felt so awful - put me in a bad mood all evening. It does seem to be easier for some than for us but I guess we don't know everyone else's story - they may have been trying for years. Big hug

@Bobblehatwobble it sucks!

Bless you OP
I find myself deactivating my Facebook and insta every time I see an announcement because it literally turns me into the green eyed monster! I think most people in our situation feel like this.x

Yep l can completely relate to this lm afraid. Not sure when feeling like this reduces or stops. I’m still reeling from the friend who conceived and had 2 children in the time we have been trying

Thanks for your messages - it’s nice to not feel so alone.
This is the most isolating experience and I really appreciate you coming to my emotional rescue.

I feel exactly the same! And I hate it too as I never used to be so bitter and jealous before fertility issues. I'm finding myself avoiding friends I have who have had children since we've been trying most of whom I know have been trying much less time than I have (been easy during lockdown but harder now) and deactivating social media on a regular basis.

I try to tell myself that we never know the full story of other people's lives and they may be struggling with other things we don't know about, but on some days all I do is cry and wonder why it's so easy for others to get pregnant and move forward with their lives when I just feel stuck. I don't have any tips other than to allow yourself to feel those emotions and just try and find something to make you feel better on those days! Sending love X

@Bobblehatwobble it’s tough isn’t it. Both my next door neighbours had babies in lockdown and my brother just announced the other day they are expecting again. I’ve been deactivating Facebook too, it gets tiresome seeing post after post of baby photos when people are posting every day! I can’t give advice on how to handle it, because clearly I also feel very bitter and envious :/

It is norm to have this feeling. Just want to tell u that even she's pregnant, it does not mean anything. There are a lot of uncertainties during pregnancy. As per what my ivf doctor said that there are 10 stages after BFP. That is the real challenge. We need to pass 10 stages successfully in order to have a live baby. As a result, just ignore these irritating people. Believe in yourself. You must have a baby soon. Throw away the negative feeling and try to see a comedy to have a laugh. Mood do affect conception and implantation.

milky the tone of your post is really off. Most people who have got to the stage of announcing will go on to have a baby. Trying to comfort the op by suggesting that this woman may have a miscarriage is really out of order.

op what you’re feeling is totally normal. If there’s any way to avoid spending time with her I’d keep her at arms length as much as possible. I’ve found coming off social media really helpful.

Just commented on a similar thread to this on aibu. It is so hard and so unfair and you need to acknowledge and not beat yourself up for your feelings which come from hellish pain. It is so bloody tough and there is no Karna involved in conception x

Ladies, we have been ttc for 5 years and I also went through all sort of emotions in the past but I have reached the stage now where I actually started to be happy for people again.
I wish you all (and myself) to get pregnant soon and have a healthy pregnancy X

Thank you for those posting recently.
If I am being completely honest, I can find the ‘Just have a positive mental attitude or just relax’ comments quite difficult to cope with. I know 100% that I need to try not to think about it or relax about it and just see what happens but I genuinely cannot help or control the overwhelming sadness and frustration. Believe me, if I could control it and make it go away I would give anything to make that happen.
Thank you for being so comforting and nice whilst I’m feeling so low, I don’t feel like such a hideous person.

I joined Mumsnet for this thread. Thank you for posting such an honest message about an important topic.

As so many others have already said, this is perfectly normal. You are not alone; you are not bad, bitter or twisted. This is an unfair world, particularly when it comes to fertility. Please don't blame yourself, this isn't something you can control and suppressing your emotions will just hurt you and you've already had such a tough time.

This is a normal human response to a horrible situation.

I've had two ectopics and two miscarriages in two years and I can tell you that however much I love them, every friend's new baby, every film with a baby/pregnancy, every celebrity twitter flutter about a pregnancy is a kick to the stomach. Yes, I know they're nothing to do with me and I can be glad for them, but it doesn't stop it from being shit.

Don't be a saint. Protect yourself, carve out a safe space for the time being and confide in people you trust. If you can find good counselling, then go for it. If not, talk to your friends and for a little while be kind to yourself. It may feel odd but a couple of months won't destroy good friendships. Don't go to christenings/baby showers, don't go to kids birthday parties, etc. You can be a good friend/aunt etc. from a distance. Curate your Netflix and find something 'busy and important to do' when the colleague is near.

Good luck. Whatever happens, I hope you will be well and happy.

@Surviving2020 Thank you for commenting and signing up to do so, I really appreciate it.
You have some really great advice and it’s nice to know that it’s okay/normal to keep your distance from others.
I really wish you well also and am sending you positive thoughts :)

I feel your pain.

5 (FIVE) people I know (friends, family and a colleague) have announced pregnancies in the space of the last month.

I’m going to have no friends left.

@Bobblehatwobble I know how you feel, same here.

@Surviving2020 Good you mentioned counselling, I'm going to speak to a counsellor soon.

I also just found out another friend is pregnant via Facebook (we used to work together but not really spoken since I moved elsewhere) and for the past few days I've been trying to chase IVF appointments which are also a little up in the air...she certainly wasn't trying when we started. Obviously it's not her fault I'm struggling to get pregnant and this a happy time for her but I really found myself angry and unable to cope with it all.

So I totally understand how everyone is feeling! It just seems so unfair doesn't it

@WE32 I’m with you. It totally sucks.

Fingers crossed your appointments get moving soon.

Can totally relate to this, ghosted a friend over this. I'm such a bitch 😔

@Youngatheart00 I know! And thank you X
@queenqueenqueen it's so hard isn't it :(

@Bobblehatwobble Hi, I also joined Mumsnet for this thread. Thank you for sharing such an honest post.

I just found out a family member is having another baby (2nd in 12months) and I feel devastated. Again. The anger, frustration, longing and sadness is absolutely overwhelming sometimes. Does it ever end I wonder? I never used to be this horrid, jealous, bitter person! @Surviving2020 you absolutely talk sense, thank you for that.

I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure around 2 years ago, we've been trying for 3 years which I know is not a long time compared to what some of you have been through. I know now that it is highly unlikely I will ever conceive with my own eggs naturally or through IVF (I had one round of stimulation and didn't even produce one single follicle). I'm on DHEA, Ubiquinol, trying to conceive pills and I'm still not even having a period. I am now on HRT and I just turned 37.

Sometimes I feel as if no one can possibly understand how I'm feeling, then I read some of these comments and feel a little better for a while.

The other day I went to a baby shower, I had to buy yet another gift, some beautiful little baby grows, I actually found myself hugging them a little before I wrapped them. That is probably the first time I've had such deep longing that I can't even explain. I always knew I wanted children, but I am career driven and never felt that real, deep and absolute longing until now. I literally want to hit something with a bat and sit in a corner and cry whenever I hear an announcement!

I send nothing but love and understanding to all of you who are going through these tough times.

can completely relate to all the comments on here. Been ttc for 4 years and had 2 miscarriages and a failed ivf cycle. In the time I've been trying ive had 4 colleagues, 3 cousins and a sister in law fall pregnant and have their beautiful babies. Its so hard not to feel jealous and angry and upset. "Why me" keeps going through my mind. Reading these comments make me feel a little less alone and a little less guilty for feeling the way I do. Its such an isolating experience where you feel you cant even grieve out loud because of silly things people will say to you. I think we are all entitled to feel the way we do and shouldn't beat ourselves up about it. We are all here for support and hopefully airing it out here will relieve some pressure or at least help you feel that you're not alone. We got each others back!
Saying no is so important. Lockdown has helped me avoid baby showers and first birthdays thankfully, only good thing about it!

@BKB27 I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. Thank you for your kind words. TBH this is something I've been keeping super private, I just don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or that my life isn't as good because I can't have kids. I just don't feel anyone outside can truly understand what they would do, how they'd feel or can really give advice unless they've been in the situation. The 'Why me' happens to me too! But then I just feel really guilty for those who are dealing with serious illnesses, as I'm healthy otherwise! It's a no win rabbit hole of emotions!! I should say no to things, but then I think... "stuff you, I'm coming just to show you my life is great without kids"!!! It's just ridiculous the mind frames I get myself into! I do however, already feel a bit better by venting it here, so thank you :) will you be moving forward with further IVF?

Rabbit hole of emotions is a good way to put it! I've kept mine as private as possible but my miscarriages were a little too public for my liking. Its bonkers because it comes from a place of shame/taboo which means you cant grieve as you would like not only for losses but for the journey we are on and the valid feelings we go through in the month - the worry but hope when ttc, the anxiousness when waiting.
You do right going out to things to show your life is fab because it is but you're allowed to feel as sad as you like. Knowing you're not alone in this helps you to see. I deleted my Instagram because I had to get away from annoucements, gotta do whats right for you.
Starting cycle 2 hopefully end of this month. Its a frozen cycle which takes longer. Time is not my friend or thats how I feel anyway!