Secondary infertility feeling very depressed need support

[queenqueenqueen]

Feel like I could really use some support. I just feel like other than my husband I have nobody to talk to 😥 feeling so so down in the dumps today.

On second child !

Thanks Sunshine Good luck too! I do think IVF though daunting is the best option for us if these next few medicated cycles fail. Sending baby dust to all the ladies on this thread x x x

@FieldsAndSun - I'm a bit behind you in the process, but feel similar. We've had tests and our clinic consultation is next week.

I'm appalled your friends have inflicted baby chat upon you when they KNOW about your situation!

We deliberately haven't told anyone we're TTC a second child (and probably won't, even if we do IVF). For us, other people knowing about our struggle would make it harder for us to move on, if we're unsuccessful.

But that means people won't be sensitive around us. I do struggle with seeing second/third baby announcements - it's horrible.

I also find the medical anxiety really tough. Every test or appointment makes me feel ill for days beforehand, which surely doesn't help! I'm nearly 39 and my egg supply is low, so I know the stats aren't on my side for IVF.

But it isn't impossible, so the hope is still there... which almost makes it harder, somehow!

CC81
I guess if I'm honest what happened was the baby chat understandably came in when the three friends gave birth and I closed the conversation down and just told them all I'm not TTC anymore...so perhaps they thought it was alright to talk about babies now...I feel so much better for closing the conversation about our struggles, I hated my friends waiting for updates and checking in, I know that they were trying to be caring but it's such a private thing, I feel like everything about my fertility is so out of control, at least preserving our family story is in my hands and I can experience it alone with DH now in the privacy of our home.

I think you are right not to tell anyone, in my case I was so excited to be TTC a second and had absolutely no concerns about conceiving so told everyone first month and then a month turned into a year and a year into two years. I totally get it when you say other people knowing about the struggle would make it harder to move on, if unsuccessful. That's exactly how I feel, luckily I think they all believe me when I say we aren't TTC anymore, now I just have the pain of all the baby updates and announcements, sometimes I do genuinely enjoy hearing about the babies as would rather that then they act weird around me and don't talk about the most important thing going on in their lives right now...but it does get to a certain point when I get totally exhausted by it, it doesn't help that I've had migraines lately so my threshold for hearing about baby updates is low!!

I know what you mean also about medical anxiety. I was really nervous about taking the shots this month and it upset me that we are at the stage where it is needed but once I had done the shots I realised it wasn't at all that bad, maybe shots in an IVF cycle will be much more grueling but ultimately nothing can compare to my feeling of total helplessness when we have TTC naturally every month and have failed over and over...I know I need to go through this process, we've put a limit on three cycles of IVF, then we will either have our miracle or draw a line under it and move on. It feels good to know that either way we will reach a conclusion.

Good luck if you decide on IVF. I really hope we all get there x x x

Thanks @FieldsAndSun - We're similar, I think we'll draw the line at three cycles of IVF, unless there's a good reason to continue.

I don't want it to drag on forever and dominate my life, when I should be focusing on the child I DO have. And also spending tons of money when we could be investing it in our future (and her future).

In a way, it'd be a relief to put a stop to the whole thing right now and simply decide to stick with one child. It'd certainly help my stress levels! But I think we need to feel like we've given it a good go, for peace of mind.

Anyone got any news? I feel totally depressed again , stupidly thought something might have happened this month and took a bloody test .... NEGATIVE
Feel like shit, wish I'd not bothered ☹

@queenqueenqueen - Sorry to hear that, hope you're ok.

No news here - still having tests and getting IVF quotes.

But we think it's likely we won't have treatment. After a lot of thinking and talking, we've realised we are honestly happy as a family of three and we want to move on with life.

We need to carry on processing it and cold to a final decision.

We'll carry on trying naturally, but only for another year at most (and not dwell on it too much).

*come (not cold)