A month in, how are feeling?

[ChatWithMe]

To all the ladies desperate to be pregnant but aren't.

It's now been one month of lockdown. I'm finding every day feels like the last. Like groundhog day.

Been trying to keep busy, be productive, get out daily for sunshine, do my hobbies. I find I was snacking on chocolate and biscuits more than usual so now I'm trying to be good.

Feeling sad I'm not pregnant and may never be again. Noticing how prominent my wrinkles and spider veins are getting which highlight my progressing age (almost 39). Feeling anxious the IVF clinics won't be opening any time soon.

How are you all feeling - infertility and lockdown, one month in? x

Hi, I am trying to use this time to work on losing weight through exercising at home and following slimming world. I put on so much weight from last ivf that I want to feel better in myself physically.

After our first fet we did get a bfp however at ou 7wk scan it wasn’t viable so I was quite upset, it’s weird as I was thinking only yesterday that had the pregnancy continued I’d have been 32wks in these scary times.

You’re right feeling sad as to not being pregnant but I tell myself that everything happens for reason. hopefully once we are able to start ivf2 then I’ll be stronger and fitter.

Keep with the busy and soak in the sunshine, vitamin d will do wonders. I have found 10mins yoga every morning works wonders too. Take care of yourself 🙂

P

Aw that must have been heartbreaking Kitkat369. Yes being 7 months pregnant now would be unnerving. Hopefully the maternity wards are able to look after women ok despite the current epidemic. If the first FET had worked for me I'd have a 4 month old. Ciest la vie. Best to consider that if an embryo is genetically abnormal in a significant way it's important for it not to become a baby.

Good luck shifting the weight. I am resisting going to the kitchen for a snack as I write this lol

Hi Ladies whilst the weather is good I'm managing to keep busy and mind off things and at least trying to shift the weight 4 cycles of IVF and 3 transfers in 12 months piled on. I'm dreading if we have bad weather and being stuck inside. I'm usually a glass half full kind of person but I've realised that's only when I'm busy - I work a very demanding job usually - I've always gone straight back to work after miscarriages and even when I had my ectopics I nearly died on a Monday and was back the following week but it was having work to do which kept me going. I'm finding without work my mental health is definitely slipping and in dwelling on things a lot more - 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics means my calendar is littered with due dates which never came / anniversaries of loss etc. I think I've got in my head that come 11th May lockdown will hopefully be eased and maybe clinics can reopen but I know if that date comes and there is no change I'm going to feel even more rubbish x

Evening all, I’m same as @ivfgottostaypositive at the moment. Managing to keep fairly busy which occupies my mind. Definitely enjoying the sunshine though! I’ve not had my first cycle yet, this was cancelled the day before it was due to start so still in the limbo of the unknown. Not sure what to do for the best as I’m not sure what my body needs if you get what I mean.

Think my positivity will wain the longer this goes on though

That's good you generally have a positive outlook ivfgottostaypositive. Sounds like you have learned how to deal with hard times. This will hopefully be the only lockdown of our lives so fingers crossed we get past it and back onto treatment planning.

Ah that's frustrating AlwaysWaitingIVF. Day before! No prep at all for the disappointment. Hope you're top of the waiting list.

Yes sunshine is good for everyone. I'm lucky cause we have a garden but I don't go out nearly enough. Once bad weather is back I'll be kicking myself!

Hi ladies today I am having a really bad day. So this month we should have been doing our first round of IVF we have all paper work and injections at the ready. 3 years trying never had a bfp never really had answers either just feel like been past around and waiting for ever. I completely understand way it been cancel just hurts so much as af has arrived so that doesn't help. I am key worker so been really busy now been put on rota so have weeks at a time off so my mind is full of all this all the time. Been trying things hospital recommended for partner and other thing to keep busy them boom hits me like tun of bricks. I just cant get it all out my head think because we were so close it felt like I was get closer to bfp . Hope you are all OK xx

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day Hoping1. Three years is a long time to yearn for a baby. Sounds like you're going via NHS referral. How many funded cycles of IVF do you get? If you had gotten pregnant these past couple weeks, the baby's birth would be around Christmas/ New year's depending on early delivery. That's the worst time to be in hospital. So stressful! I used to work in hospital with babies during that time and it's not fun. So hopefully, this lockdown gets you your BFP for a 2021 Spring baby. Just remember you can only do things which are in your control and you've done all the prep. What's outside your control is the call from the clinic to say ok let's do this :-/ Hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you x

Feeling more anxious again about IVF.

Am sleeping better which is good.

Waiting for news on the virus but am also sick of the daily news conference I feel like there is no good information that comes from it.

I am working which at least keeps me busy.

I'm really struggling to be honest. We've been ttc for 2.5 years. I've had 3 miscarriages in the last year. So dealing with subfertility and recurrent miscarriage. I felt so hopeful in February as we had a plan - nk cells testing (all my rmc blood tests are normal) before starting ivf around now. All come to a crashing halt.

We'd agreed to stop ttc naturally as the risk of another miscarriage is obviously there. But I am not coping with it at all. At least if we were trying we'd be giving ourselves a chance. I am at rock bottom, had an argument with my husband last night about it all - I know I am not being reasonable but I feel like I'm stuck in purgatory, being punished for failing at getting pregnant and failing at staying pregnant.

He's petrified of me miscarrying again and scared I'll be at risk of covid so would prefer not to try. I'm scared of this going on for an undefined amount of time and we're just wasting time (and what eggs I have left - my amh was 9.5 in February, I'm 36). I just don't know what the compromise is.

I'm busy working from home, daily walks, keeping occupied but nothing is helping me, it's all things that are passing the time but everything feels bleak and I don't see a way out of it.

Morning all,

I'm really struggling but trying to focus on the positives that the lockdown has given me rather than the negatives. Easier said than done!!!!

We were supposed to be starting our first cycle next week after 4.5years of TTC. And now it's evaporated and its back to hanging over me. After all the what if's and putting plans on hold because of unknown timescales etc, it felt so good to be in sight of the start of treatment. Even if things hadn't gone well during the cycle I think I would have at least taken comfort in being proactive about doing something, and now I'm back in the no-man's land.
My husband is military and has been away since December, and now has had his return delayed for an unspecified amount of time. I'm fed up of doing this alone. I'm fed up of having so much hanging over me and living existing through this life in limbo.

Anyway, since lockdown I have had less work ergo less money as self employed, but therefore more time so I have been able to truly commit to a daily yoga practice and to be able to truly cherish my long afternoon walks with my dogs. And enjoying the sunshine.

Just trying to lose the sadness but it's hard to shift.

I'm sorry to all you ladies that share this - sending love, and tea and biscuits!

Morning ladies

@Hoping1 sounds like we're in a very similar situation. So frustrating
and upsetting isn't it after such a long road?

There seems to be a fair amount in the media about IVF cancellations at the moment, mostly sympathetic. CEO from the HFEA was on radio 4 this morning and it sounded as positive as it could be. Worth listening to on iPlayer if you get chance.

So sorry to read that some of you are having a hard time of it. I find my anxiety/stress/sadness comes and goes.

I’m struggling today. I’ve been sleeping really badly and that’s affected my mood. I just feel snappy and on edge all the time for absolutely no reason at all. It is probably pmt. That’ll be a lovely gift tomorrow.

That's good you're sleeping well thefishthatcouldwish. It's so important for emotional well-being and energy levels. I am too these days and find that positive affirmations beforehand helps me.

Thanks TametheDragon same to you! Sorry you're dealing with infertility as well as missing your partner. Must be hard but sounds like you know what helps (yoga, walks, sunshine). You managing to eat well also? I find exercise is the easy part but I have a sweet tooth. Trying to stick to treats only at the weekends.

Sorry you had an argument with your husband last night VenusStarr. I understand how you both feel. Miscarriage must be awful and to have it repeated is like a bad dream I'm sure. I heard about how some women's endometriums somehow let abnormal embryos implant because of some fault (over fertile). Not sure how the endometrium picks up on this but I've heard of a theory there is a communication between embryo and lining. Sounds crazy as I can't explain it properly but I wonder if all the failed implantations I've had have actually been abnormal embryos I'm lucky didn't implant and lead to miscarriage?? Your any is better than mine (6.1) so fingers crossed for your next go.

Thanks AlwaysWaitingIVF for the radio 4 suggestion. Gotta keep myself posted on the HFEA guidance.

Welcome PurpleDaisies. Periods suck anyway so it's even worse when you TTC and stuck in lockdown. Take it easy and try to do some exercise (good for PMT) x

@AlwaysWaitingIVF do you mind sharing what the HFEA had to say during that interview? I'm struggling to find a link to it abs an I can get out of my (private) clinic is a possible August return to business.

Hi ladies hope you are all ok today. Been to work this week and it in a school so that doesn't help sometimes. We been trying stuff we can control like vitamins that hospital recommended for partners man stuff. I am tracking ovulation just to feel like i am doing something. It just comes in waves sometimes I am ok sometimes I can't get it out of my head at all. So hope we get news soon i read open letter from HEFA on website that was good that they put that on not heard radio one yet xxxx

Hi @CritterTamer, the CEO basically said that they were planning an exit strategy that would come in to play once some of the social distancing measures were eased. She also said that there didn't appear to be any issues with early pregnancy, so the main reasoning behind the cancellation was social distancing/use of NHS staff elsewhere.

Only point that was negative really was that NHS England are yet to comment on the impact on IVF funding. NHS Scotland/Wales/NI have apparently already said IVF funding wouldn't be affected (not followed this on the news much myself).

My clinic haven't given a time frame at all but late summer/autumn I think is earliest possible.

Always can I ask what do they mean re social distancing measures? Does it mean all the measures in shops or when the schools go back if you see what I mean.

Also its very concerning that England haven't said about ivf funding. I'm in Wales and from what I gather from the clinic Welsh finding has not been affected.

It's so worrying seeing how many anxious ivf ladies there are at this time.

I feel again like it's never going to happen .

My guess is that private clinics may well restart before NHS clinics, even if funding isn't affected, because there will be less pressure on their staff and premises, etc.

That's sad that NHS patients might miss out. Curious how many of you are dependent on NHS funding? It's so variable already who gets what. I'm private but I do hope whoever is entitled to NHS funding is able to secure it this year especially those who are 38+ Time is of the essence with IVF. Ok I need to put the phone down at last and go to sleep. Sleep is the only time I'm (probably) not thinking about TTC!

Thank you for understanding and support @ChatWithMe

Good news this morning from the HEFA about how clinics can resume treatment 🤞

Slept really well last night, think the night before caught up with me.

I don't see nhs clinics opening any time soon, we have our funding approved but think we'll just try a private clinic when we can.

Feeling a bit of hope today 🤞 🌈

@VenusStarr

Irish clinics have also said they are looking at reopening from mid May which is encouraging so hopefully We won't be too far behind

That's really good news @ivfgottostaypositive hope so

Thanks for the update VenusStarr. I'll drink to that 😉 (after I get my period that is lol) x

I've just spoken to my private clinic in Wales and they've said they're hoping to be open again mid May, or at least to have a definite plan for reopening 🤞🤞🤞