Starting/Plodding on with the infertility journey

[CloudSway]

I just wanted to carry on the last thread we had, to support each other through the highs and lows, carry on asking really stupid questions and welcome anyone else going through infertility in all its forms.

I just had egg collection so I'm a bag of nerves. Just so people dont have to check the old thread: 10 collected, 8 mature, 2 fertilised, 2 partial. This is only day 2, hang in there tiny blasts!

😳😳😳 Our funding has been approved - we've got a group session early March, then we'll have a nurse consultation to sign the consent forms and get the prescription! Seriously think we'll be starting by April. Am in shock and feeling a bit sick. On the one hand it's good it's sooner than we thought, but I've still got lots of anxiety as I've conceived 3 times in a year unassisted. I'm hoping they'll offer a tailored protocol and take into account our history. Thinking that the ivf might help control things better and maybe they'll prescribe additional meds. Eek 👀😬

@CloudSway how are you getting on? X

Hope everyone is OK ❤️

That's fantastic news @VenusStarr! 😍 I understand your anxiety, but I'm sure if you make your concerns clear to them then they can go through the after care with you step by step ❤️

Schrodinger's embryo @CloudSway!! 😂🤣😂🤣 Brilliant!! 😂🤣😂🤣 Sending tonnes of positivity to you for testing tomorrow (I hope I've gotten that right?!) 💖🍀💖🍀 I'm doing good so far thanks 😊 7 week viability scan booked for the 18th, so waiting with bated breath for that one 🔮 I've also thrown caution to the wind and gone ahead and booked the 12 week scan and booking appointment with the midwife for the end of March... just hope I haven't gone and jinxed things now! 😣 I'm not even bloody superstitious!! 🤪🤦‍♀️

@VenusStarr congrats that’s great news! And the fact you’ve conceived 3 times naturally is great news for implantation so go in with a PMA

Hi guys, just wanted to update you that I did the tests, but it was a negative. I told myself it might not happen, but in reality because there was no bleeding I did what I used to do every month and had convinced myself I was pregnant, I didn't realise that's how I felt until I saw the negative and felt shocked. I can't even describe how I feel now, sadness doesn't seem to cover it xx

Sorry to hear that @CloudSway it’s is heartbreaking even when you know there a chance for it to go either way! Be kind to yourself xx

@venusStarr sorry to see your update to hope your doing ok xx

Thinking of you all even though i don’t post so much! I do still keep an eye on the thread xx

I'm so sorry @CloudSway - it's so bloody unfair 😔 Will you have a consultation with the clinic to discuss next steps?xx

I'm so sorry @CloudSway, sending you lots of love ❤️ it's OK to feel sad and in shock. We're here for you xx

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF good to hear from you, thank you, I'm feeling a bit better.

Thank you @BambiOnIce80 and @Minster2012 trying to not get overwhelmed. Can either of you point me in the right direction for recommendations for preparing for an ivf cycle? Particularly diet. I'm already taking 200mg of ubiquinol. I'm following slimming world but seem to have plateaued with weight loss - I'm basically low fat but not cut anything out, so thinking maybe my diet is OK.

@CloudSway sending lots of hugs, awful news, give yourself time we will all be the same 😥

@venusstar all I took vits wise was a multi vitamin & folic acid til transfer now dropped the multi vitamin. Diet wise I phased out caffeine drastically as I was a caffeine fiend from about 6 cups a day to one even now by buying myself a Klean Kanteen insulated flask which means I’m drinking the same cup of coffee but it can even be over 4 hours 🤣 and I’ve found a lovely decaf one
Hubby & I have also cut down on meat & ive cooked some really nice vegan meals with LOADS of veg about 2/3 times a week, big soups & cut down on carbs, have avacado, more fish, seeds
I don’t worry about low fat really with that but we are healthy BMI

Thank you @Minster2012 my bmi is now 26 (was nearly 29!) and I'm still eating sensibly, taking folic acid and ubiquinol, minimal alcohol. I can reduce my caffeine in take, although I rarely have hot drinks in the daytime.

Hope everyone is doing OK xx

@VenusStarr we eat a lot of rice and pasta, so we swapped the white for the wholemeal (Mediterranean diet and all that 🙄), but otherwise didn't cut out caffeine and alcohol until they made us at the start of the cycle! 😄 The only vitamins I take in addition to the ones you're taking are extra vitamin D3 and omega 3 fish oil - but make sure there's absolutely no vitamin A in it 💊 👍

I don’t know what my BMI is, will work it out now!! I’m interested now!!

Really sorry @CloudSway
I was the same; no bleed so you always think ‘maybe’

Look after yourself; cry, be angry and all of those things. You are definitely allowed!

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF lovely to hear from you. Hope you are ok x

Thanks everyone. I'm so not a weepy person but just keeps coming out. Pretty pissed off at my otherwise very understanding boss, who firstly insisted on hugging me even though I said no because it would make me cry - then kept saying "don't get upset, just remember you are no worse off than you were". Um, yeah just emotionally, mentally, physically and financially, no big deal 🙄😡

@cloudsway wow “no worse off” only a bloke would say that!

Bloody hell @CloudSway! Your boss couldn't have handled that any worse if he tried, could he?! 😡 Totally understandable to be hugely weepy - let it all out and be very kind to yourself.x

I'm sorry your boss is such an insensitive prick @CloudSway sending lots of love ❤️

Thanks guys, she threw out a 'are you sure you want kids?!' joke because hers are a pain in the arse later too. She has turned into a walking stereotype (and a bell end). Obviously wont be saying anything since she gave me like 2.5 weeks paid leave over my 2 ivfs though lol.

I'm really struggling, but because for the first time me and DH are on different pages. It's been very sad and DH wants a break from it all, which i totally understand. But I'm so not there, we have seen the consultant for debrief, we know what's next and I just want to crack on. I feel like my life is on hold - i can't change jobs because I might need maternity (and they are great about the ivf), we can't house hunt because we don't know how many rooms we need, we can't get a dog until we move because of our garden.... I'm just stuck.

We have 2 weeks off at end of May, so he'd like to do a big holiday then, and then hit it when we get back. But June is so far away! Some people would KILL to have a clinic that has already ordered the next drugs and are happy for us to start any time from next month! Plus they are happy to bend the rules and if his sperm count stays at 1.9mil or higher, they will do DNA fragmentation where they pull out the best non fragmented sperm so I want to strike while his number is high! It's so hard because if one of us needs the break, I know that's what we need to do, but it's making me angry and frustrated. He knows that and we won't decide anything for a few weeks.

Meanwhile @venusstarr I'm so excited that you could be APRIL, are you excited or a bit wary? I know it's a bit of a turnaround from your original plan. I just take the pregnacare conception supplement by the way, less hassle...

God your boss sounds horrible @CloudSway. Completely understand you feeling stuck, I feel like life is on hold but equally I feel like we can't keep going like this forever. It's confusing. I think seeing your boss as a walking 'what not to say' cliché is helpful.
I'm sorry your dh wants to take a break and you're keen to carry on. I don't know what the answer is but I hope you can reach a compromise that you're both happy with. I'm sorry you're struggling too - I don't really have any advice as I feel similar, but you're not on your own xx

I think this last mc has affected my dh more than I thought. He sent me a Tommy's article yesterday and said is this us? The person's story is very similar to ours and I think he is doubting whether ivf is the next logical step - as in should be be doing some more investigations before we embark on that? But we'll need to go private for that but that means putting things on hold in order to do that. That's OK though as I've been saving. He's convinced that I'll be able to take some medication and they'll fix the issue and it will be fine. We are seeing the recurrent miscarriage clinic in 2 weeks so will see what they think, especially now I've had 3mc. So leaning more towards having a couple of cycles off, getting a biopsy for nk cells and seeing what that brings. We have funding that needs to be used in 6 months, so there is a bit of time. I think we'll still do the group session, find out a bit more and then decide to pause or carry on. We're ttc this cycle anyway (am due on the day of the group meeting). It feels like life stopped last year waiting for surgery etc and now it's speeding up and we need to pause things. Very strange.

I'm taking the seven seas ttc and ubiquinol, plus my diet is OK and still following slimming world - another 7lbs will get me to a healthy bmi 🤞

Hope everyone is getting on OK x

Hi guys!
Hope we are all well.

Some news; considering we were going to go full steam at adoption but DP has suggested we go for more ivf.

While I’m not opposed to trying it does make me feel really scared. And I don’t really know why. I guess the whole thing is so hard and I’m such a over thinker.
I completely get why as we will do the refund access fertility package which means either way we wouldn’t lose out on money but eep.

Not really any questions there just my thoughts really

Hi @GreyC, wow, that is a big turn around from your dp. Has he said why he's thinking that you should try more ivf?
I'm not surprised you feel scared, it's a different path and one you (presumably) had moved away from.
Have you made any steps to going ahead with it?

I'm with you on the overthinking, got myself into a bit of a state about what we're doing. We decided to have extra testing to try and get some answers to why I keep miscarrying but I'm so conflicted about it all. I don't want to stop ttc but logically I know it might help give any future babies a chance. Struggling with this a lot 😔 plus there's a deadline on the ivf funding so I generally just feel incredibly anxious and disconnected all the time.

How are you @CloudSway? X

Hi guys, sorry I've been M.I.A., had to take a bit of a break, you know how it is.

@venusstarr where are you now with your mc investigations? It can be so hard when you feel like you're losing momentum, but remember any info they can get will improve your odds! What's going on with the ivf funding? Hope you've been feeling more settled x

@greyC did you guys make a decision about getting back on the ivf boat then? It must be hard when you've just got your head round moving on, plus it's always hard with ivf because you have to allow your hopes to get up knowing they might be dashed... stupid infertility 😖

We had a curve ball; so we were always due to have MACS ICSI IVF which involves filtering out the sperm with the worst fragmented dna. Then when DH went for the prep test, his count was too low, then we had to freeze because it just got worse. What we have frozen is 0.1mil and 0.017mil samples.
Then on EC day he got 1.9mil, so she agreed to try the pre test again. Well his sample was frickin 4.6mil! Don't get me wrong, I know it should be over 39mil but you take the little things where you can lol. Anyway, if he provides that at EC we can have MACS ICSI which really improves our odds. Luckily because of that we both agree we should do the next round right away while his numbers are improved 👍 so bring on 10th March (And an inevitable freak out) 😉

Hi @CloudSway, good to hear from you. Sounds like you've been on a bit of a roller-coaster, very up and down but sounds like you have a plan in place now. Good to hear that your odds are improved by being able to do MACS ICSI 🤞10th March is not that far away! Eek!

I had my first biopsy on Monday, so the results should be back in a few weeks. Had a scan to and my ovaries and lining are good, which is reassuring - you start to worry that things are unravelling with your body! She could see I'd ovulated too. It was unpleasant but over quickly. I'll keep you posted on the results.

Ivf update - we've pretty much decided to put it on hold until we have our test results back - but because of bank Holidays it might be a while before I can do the second one (not entirely sure what happens if the first test shows high nk cells). We have also decided we want to move our funding to a private clinic. The group meeting at the main hospital is next Monday - I cannot get hold of anyone from the hospital (one of the reasons we want to move!) so we'll go for that but not progress any further yet.

I went to an open evening last night at the clinic we want to go to. I had some time with a consultant and explained our history and felt like he got our anxiety about do we really need ivf? I feel much more reassured that it could help explain why I've been miscarrying - our nhs consultant just said I don't know why you're not getting pregnant (erm, I have, I just can't grow them very well!) I said we were going for the immunity tests and I asked his opinion on if he thought it was likely that my immune system is causing issues and he thought that, coupled with my thyroid fluctuations, plus I have a bad eczema flare up, it's all pointing that way. It's nice to be listened to and not fobbed off (like our nhs consultant did).

We're off on holiday in 2 weeks, I feel so tense but feeling more in control that we're doing all we can :)

How are you getting on @GreyC? X

Hope everyone else is OK, our group has got very small now... ❤️

Thought it might be worth reviving this thread.

I am good thank you.

We have started the adoption process; very early in but it has been postponed to this silly virus. But I am very excited about it and it is completely the right choice for us 😍

How are you both doing?

Hi @GreyC :) really pleased for you ❤️

How's things @CloudSway?

Not much to report from me, everything is on hold for us, even ttc naturally. Feeling fed up and sad. Pretty much have cried every day this week 😥 sending lots of love to you both xx

Hi everyone!

Have been thinking of you al! Hope everyone is staying safe!

Great news @GreyC