Longing for second baby

[SAMlady]

I have a wonderful and amazing DD who is 2, and I count my blessings everyday. She's my whole world.

I was 40 when I had her, had two mc before her. I'm 43 now and it doesn't seem like DC2 will happen for us. I had a mc at 7 weeks and 7 cycles afterwards no BFP.

Feel so sad, can't really talk about it with friends as they're going through hard times. I guess it's only biology but my arms are longing for another baby. Feel so sad when I see any family of 2 or more.

I’m sorry OP. That’s really tough for you.

Me too. Been trying for DC2 for 3.5 years with only a string of failed cycles behind us 😞

Be happy that you were blessed with your wonderful daughter and have had the chance to have and hold a baby at 40. Enjoy her, she's still tiny.

Thank you, just needed some kind words

@twinkledag so sorry to hear that, good wishes to you

@bank100 I really really do, more so now

I'm so sorry SAMlady. There's not much I can say to ease your pain but in time you will be content with the much loved one child you have and how you feel right now will be a distant memory.

Thank you @Bluerussian

@SAMlady I am considering donor eggs. Would you?

@bank100

We are thankful for our precious babies - our much longed for and hard earned babies. That doesn't mean that we can't mourn the future we thought we would have and feel the deep, deep pain of endless failed cycles.

When I think of my DC in the future on his own with no nieces or nephews that kills me.

We are allowed to grieve even though we already have a child.

@twinkledag excuse me? Where did I say she couldn't grieve or be upset? It is an absolute blessing to carry and/or raise a child. Which I think we all know. ...perhaps you are projecting...

I get it @twinkledag and I don’t even have one. I have always dreamed of a big family and now two will be a miracle. My DSIS told me If I manage to have one I’ll be fine and she won’t be worrying about me anymore - while pregnant with her third child in the past 5 years. I agree with her first and foremost I want to be a parent and one child means you do parent and are a family but the urge for a big family is ingrained in some people and most get to make a decision that suit them but not those of us with infertility.

Exactly @Crumpets124. Most people have a few shags and that's it, family complete. Job done.

Us who suffer with infertility should feel blessed that we have one.

This 'journey' has RUINED many aspects of my life yet I'm supposed to feel blessed and grateful.

I'm hope you're successful soon @Crumpets124 💐

I can relate also. I have the most amazing little boy but for 4 years since we’ve been trying desperately and getting nowhere. IVF has put us under financial pressure and we have had 2 MC as a result of that. I have constant worries of my son being alone in later life, guilt that I’m spending more money on IVF (although I’ve made sure he hasn’t missed out whatsoever) and also I just want bloody closure on it all. Yes I am grateful and I know how lucky I am but the sadness is still there as I want the joy my little boy has brought us to happen again an complete us.

Due to start another cycle soon with our last and final embryo and absolutely petrified as I may have to make peace with it all if it doesn’t work and I don’t know where to begin. Good luck to everyone xxx

Hi all I'm in the same boat have a 4 year old and not looking like I'll have another!

I'm so grateful for my daughter but would love for her to have a brother or a sister!

So sorry to hear others feel this sadness too

@twinkledag I don't think donor eggs are right for us

I agree @Crumpets124 when I think about holidays and Christmas I feel sad for my DD, I'm
close with my brothers and she won't have that

We lost our mum this year, it's been good to share feelings with them, she'll have to do it all alone

It's so hard @Mctm123 - sending good wishes

I'm sorry, I hope that you either fully come to peace with this soon or that you are blessedwoth another baby

Gosh I feel exactly the same, dd 6 and so sad she’ll not have anyone, trying very hard to build up and nurture relationships with her cousins but they are geographically distant. Still trying 4 years down the line, 8 mcs and now 42 yrs so unlikely. Cannot bear to pack up the cot and give away the outgrown clothes.

Oh yes @Widdendream77 I forgot about the loft full of baby stuff. Out of sight out of mind in my case. If I ever have to give all that stuff away it will be awful ☹️

Are any of you considering adoption or would it be a case of making peace with it? We have spoke recently about it an we both like the idea but reluctant too. Not at that stage yet but anyone else thought of this? X

Sad to hear more sad stories. I also can't bear to think about the loft of baby things. Still hopefully adding to it, but also cos don't know what to do otherwise. Maybe leave it and when we move the new owner can write about it on here!

@Widdendream77 so sorry for your losses, you must be very strong to bear that

@Mctm123 not thought about adoption, thought we'd be too old

Can I join - I’m just sorry you’re all in this horrible club. My son is 3.5, born from our first round of IVF. I think because it worked first time we thought it would work again. But no, 5 transfers and four miscarriages later we are no closer to a sibling. I’ve got a couple of friends who only wanted one, and I so wish I could feel like that. Instead we’re about to start one last fresh round. At 40 with my miscarriage history I can’t get my hopes up. I’m so utterly grateful for my son, and I know that if I don’t have another child I will be sad but will make peace with it in the end. It’s just the not knowing limbo is having a big impact on my mental health. Much love to you all.

Welcome to the sad club @ByTheSeaCatsandAll , sorry to hear of your losses.

Good to hear you will make peace, I'm sure I will too but it's the hope that kills you.

I have a 2 year old DD conceived after 4 years of trying and 2 full rounds of ICSI. She’s wonderful and my absolute world but I am also turning 40 soon and the odds of her having a sibling are tiny.

I don’t yet know whether I could put myself through ICSI (none in the freezer) again. There’s a small chance we could conceive naturally but it’s unlikely.

I’ve been feeling a bit lost recently about this as some of my mum friends are expecting their next ones and it’s dredged up my old ugly feelings of envy I had before I had DD. Of course it’s easier because I do have her but it still hurts and I’ve had to draw back from the pregnancy chats.

I’m glad you started this thread because it can be a lonely place having a child but also facing infertility afresh.

I’ve been where you are. It’s hell. I felt so guilty towards my DD that I couldn’t give her a sibling I eventually did (After 5 years of trying) But my DD is 10 now and she and the baby (although they adore each other) are practically a different generation, and so she’s grown up alone.

I’m having a frozen embryo transfer in April to try and complete my family. I’d have stopped at 2 children had the gap been closer.

What has really helped my egg quality is Ubiquinol COQ10. If you compare my IVF cycle where I didn’t take it, to my cycle where I did, the difference is astounding. Have you read the book “It starts with the egg”? It’s the reason i’ve finally had another child, and the reason I have 7 chromosomally normal embryos now in the freezer.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or ask any questions x

Hi @villagefete how much ubiquinol did you take if you don’t mind me asking?