Mental state after transfer

[Babylife2020]

I had a 5day FET on Saturday for the first time (freeze all cycle) and I was so positive in the lead up. The transfer itself went ok but a few hours later I just totally crashed emotionally, I haven’t stopped on and off crying since and felt like it can’t possibly work because I am a nervous wreck. I still have it but not as bad as yesterday,
this 2ww post IVF is like nothing else. Has anyone ever got a BFP despite a very high level of anxiety so early on?

I've sat in the car and cried after each of my transfers so you're not alone!
I could tell you not to be anxious etc but I'm the worst and nothing anyone can say will make it better/easier- just know you are not alone xx

Hi love,
i just started this thread after my transfer last week - the hormones have wrecked me! Got a BFP on Saturday (very early, so fingers crossed!)
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/3766439-Not-doing-ok-think-I-need-to-stop

my acupuncturist said as long as I was eating well and getting some sleep, the embryo is happy xxx

I had horrendous anxiety after my first transfer. It was hard hard work. That day 5 blast not only became a bfp 5 days after the transfer but is now an over excited 3 year old and none the worst for my anxiety.

I had absolutely no faith it would work and consoled myself that for at least as long as it took to know to the contrary, I would enjoy having that embryo inside me and feeling as if I was pregnant. DD is now twenty. I think that time was the last time I didn’t worry about her to an unhealthy degree! Good luck OP.

I felt ok during the stimming stage because at least treatment had started and it felt like we had a better chance than trying naturally, but after the transfer I was a wreck. I was convinced it wouldn't work because the eggs would all be crap quality after being exposed to my stress hormones, and my body would reject the embryo because I was so stressed. Despite my anxiety and stress, I got a BFP and I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Infertility and IVF are such difficult experiences, just try to take care of yourself.

Thank-you so much for the replies. I cried today so much, I don’t think agree with progesterone agrees with me either. I just feel so dark and hopeless and then I feel so upset and think this must be my intuition that it hasn’t worked. This is a proper anti climax. Today I cried and cried and just wanted to get away. I felt so positive during stims before and after but now I’m just so scared for my little embie. DH has only been involved in basic breezy compliance sort of way, he’s much older than me and we have DSC and today I have felt just so hurt that I’m in this alone and it’s such a major thing for me I told him I want a divorce. He’s said before we can do this as many times as is needed but I’ve already done four cycles. It has taken literally thousands of pounds, miles and days and so much energy to get two embryos to transfer and I’m just so worn out now. I also have a horrible cold today.

@Babylife2020 oh hon, I know, it is horrible.

Maybe don't rush into divorce just yet...while the hormones are playing with your moods it might not be the right time. I thought my husband was going to prison two weeks ago (he rear-ended someone a year and a half ago, it was all fine) - it came out of no where.

Do you have a TV show that you can watch in the evenings after work - or all day if you're not working? Gilmore girls is getting me through.
You WILL feel better when you are not taking the hormones.
It's crazy that the clinics don't make more of the mental distress the hormones can wreak. It's fine to say go to a counsellor, but counsellors are only really helpful (imo) with problem solving around the IVF process. There's nothing you can do with hormones making you feel like a stranger in your life... xxx

Thank-you so much Maggie, and congratulations on your BFP, it must be such an amazing relief. I took this week off work to avoid the madness that is the underground but I’m right now I’m working from home but on the sort of good stuff. I only started this job six months ago so they don’t know anything. The worst thing about the hormones is the worry that you are ruining everything, so it’s lovely to know that in your case this hasn’t been the way xxx

I found work to be a great distraction. I'm in a job where people come to me with their upsets and stories (not a therapist, lucky for them this month!) and it helped to be able to support other people. Maybe it's good that you have other responsibilities. I also found the meds have impacted on my focus and ability to pay attention, so don't be too hard on yourself if you are not nailing it at work. Just do your best. xxx

Oh lovely , it’s such a stressful time, and the drugs and all play havoc on your system. Big hugs to you - it’s very very hard at this stage.

This is such a hideous time. The hormones and the stress and the drugs, it's a wonder anyone ever does it more than once.

I was so convinced it hasn't worked that I booked nights out and weekends away for when it failed. I cried every day and spent all day at work googling symptoms and tests dates and crying in the toilet and in the car.

It worked fine and my boy's 11 months old now. Everything crossed for you.

@Babylife2020 I hope you are doing ok the past couple of days? xxx

I woke up yesterday morning remembering I had a bag of Amazon cheepies under my bathroom cabinet that i bought when I was trying to see if hcg was getting out of my system as it was lingering when I had an MC. I got a v v faint BFP x 5! So I spent the day on a high, only to do it this morning again and get, I think, much fainter BFPs. So then I drove about 10 miles to the only chemist I could see was open from 6am, got a FR which gave me a faint positive but of course now I can’t stop panicking over why the cheepies were no darker today.
Sending all you ladies so much love and hugs. I’m not sure I will ever be normal again after this.
Arguing with the DH all day. He cut me off when discussing all this to ask where his dinner was and then ranted at me for the lack of bedroom action. Usually our relationship is good but this IVF stress is not good for us as it is creating a distance between us as we are differently invested in it. He has a DS and told me today he wants it to work just so he doesn’t have to walk on egg shells.

Oh love that's so hard, I know! First of all, in my experience, the men don't really always understand. I have had that with the dinner too. We have to have a little patience with them - they just don't get it, and IVF can put the best of relationships under pressure. Try if you can to talk to your DH, even about having some time outs when things get heated.

Secondly, the lines don't always get darker. 5dp5dt is very early. I got my BFP that day too and it was faint. The best thing to do would be to leave it for a couple of days, and if you want to test early (which I always do) try for every other day.

You will not be the same - all challenges and grief makes us more resilient or makes us sad, but you decide, this is your life and you're doing brilliantly so far xxx