Can you feel happy for friends who announce they’re pregnant?
Blankspace4 · 13/10/2018 11:16
Well....just that really!
A couple of days ago a close friend announced in a group chat that she was 16 weeks pregnant. I don’t live locally so haven’t seen her in that time, so no reason to ‘suspect’ anything and has come as a complete shock.
I can’t feel happy for her but the guilt I feel feels toxic and horrible. Just adds to my feelings of helplessness and uselessness.
All but one of that group of friends now has a baby or is pregnant. I’m due to go away with them in a fortnights time and now don’t want to go. Help
BritInBrisbane1986 · 19/10/2018 21:25
I was gutted to hear about Harry and Megan and felt like a heartless cow for being so mean as it really is beautiful. Arrived at work the next day (I work in a baby room at a nursery 🙈) and my colleague announced she was 7 weeks pregnant after 3 months of trying. My insides were crushed again and I held it in until I left work and cried all evening, I was so upset and I hate myself for not being able to be happy for everyone around me.
GuntyMcGee · 19/10/2018 21:28
This is a tricky one.
Can I feel happy for others who announce a pregnancy?
The honest answer is yes, eventually, in most circumstances. But sometimes I just can't and I've learned to own it.
In the time since we started trying between me and DHs friends and family:
Three family members have had two kids
Another has had one, who was born exactly a week after my ivf miscarriage (and I've got a sneaking suspicion is trying for number 2)
A distant relative has had one
Three have had their second child
One friend has had two kids
One has had her first
Five have had their second
One is currently pregnant with number two
And neighbours both sides of us have also both had two kids. The second ones born within weeks of each other so I have the joy of hearing babies crying in stereo through the walls.
Honestly it makes me sick with jealousy every single day and every new announcement makes me want to howl with the unfairness of it all.
But then I compose myself and say 'congratulations, lovely news' and then go home and have the 'so and so is pregnant' conversation with DH and see him crumble just a little bit more too.
It's devastating. And like someone upthread said, it's not about being unable to be happy for someone, it's that it magnifies your own sadness and inadequacy and resurfaces all the feelings and emotions that you try so hard to suppress in every day life.
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