45, ttc, desperate

[FlamingoPip]

I am 45. Met DH late.

Fell pregnant age 44 (just turned) and had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks (July 2017). Pregnant again Dec 2017 and miscarried in Jan 2018 at around 8 weeks.

Been trying again since then (Feb 2018) to fall pregnant but no luck.

I have had tests which are good for my age. AMH - 6.2, FSH 5.3. But only three follicles when scanned. Number of follicles apparently doesn't fit with AMH and FS level...

I am too old for IVF - very low chance of it working.

Doc said I have better chance of conceiving naturally ("10-15% chance" due to recent-ish pregnancy) - figures plucked out of thin air if you ask me.


Feel ridiculous that when I was younger I had no clue about fertility. Even when started trying didn't really know about ovulation and best times to ttc. Now I am a walking fertility encyclopaedia but I fear it's all too late. So full of regrets.

Just got my period and am again devastated. Will I ever get pregnant and have a baby? The ONLY thing I want.

[FlamingoPip]

Thanks Persipan. Would you mind if I ask your age? Feel free to DM if you prefer!

[FlamingoPip]

Thanks April. All good advice. I think I had some EWCM when I was younger but not regularly... although wasn't paying much attention tbh

[Persipan]

No worries - I'm 41, so a bit younger than you. The combination of poor response to own-egg IVF, and then miscarrying twice, basically convinced me that my eggs weren't especially likely to get the job done. If I had a partner and therefore had chances to conceive naturally, I'd probably have taken longer to come to that conclusion, though.

[stubble]

ivf.org.uk/about/pregnancy-calculator/

[LeftRightCentre]

Improving health is fine but the reality is the chances of your conceiving and carrying a healthy baby to term are vanishingly slim. Per gives good advice about seeing a counsellor.

[FlamingoPip]

Yes, I know LeftRightCentre! Hence my desperation!

[flumpybear]

Have a read up on vitex Agnus castus- see if rhis can help your situation

Guaifenecin or fertility CM products are available too to help sort out EWCM - don't know if there's any truth in them others here may have experience

I definitely found agnus castus helped me

Good luck with whatever you do

[FlamingoPip]

Thank you Flumpy x

[MynameisJune]

Coq10 can help with egg quality, evening primrose oil can help with CM production too, I found agnus castus was fab if you have irregular cycles but knocked my regular cycles right out of whack.

It’s a desperate horrible feeling, I know. I was fortunate that we managed to conceive DD after 6 years, we’re 18 months into ttc#2 and heading to IVF this time because I no longer have time to just keep trying. Admittedly I’m younger than you op but I do know how TTC for years with no bfp feels like.

[Harveyrabbit76]

Hi! I am slightly younger but was told I had less than 5%chance and 3 failed ivfs. I took DHEA, CQ10 Ubq and high strength vit D plus some other stuff I feel suited me personally and I managed to concieve naturally just before I was due to use donor eggs. However getting pregnant was the problem for me not preventing miscarriage. Progesterone might be helpful if there is a next time. I would be inclined to look at the counselling and donor route and you never know what might happen in the meantime!

[resipsa]

If you're toying with DEs and want to ask any questions, feel free to DM me. My 3 year old was courtesy of DE IVF when I was 44.

[twinkledag]

Hey @resipsa - I used to be twinklestar2, how are you?

[resipsa]

Hey back at you @twinklestar2 !
We are all fine. Been a long summer break with the little ones but I get a break - off to work now - as a treat!
How are you?

[resipsa]

I mean @twinkledag - too early

[RainyAfternoon]

There's usually a long running thread in conception on TTC 40+. I found it really helpful as there are various things you can do to optimise your chances to get pregnant and it's useful to discuss.

I completely get the desperate feeling. It's awful. My last DD was born when I was 43 following two miscarriages. My DH is a LH pilot so I wasn't in control of when we could try and we 'wasted' months when he had an unhelpful roster.

I took a range of supplements (including the CoQ10) recommended on the TTC post 40 thread and also did acupuncture. Obviously I don't know if any of this actually made a difference but I did have a successful pregnancy.

Wishing you every hope.

[kenandbarbie]

Are you able to pay for ivf? I would also say try argc. Your doc sounds very dismissive about trying ivf. It's worth seeing what argc day as they have great success with older women.

[IAmAllAstonishment]

My mother’s friend (a nurse) had her daughter (4th child) at 46.

However she was very open whilst TTC that she’d left it very late and knew it would be unlikely/ high risk.

It must be very painful for you right now and frustrating that you met you DH later in life, however to an extent you need to prepare yourself that it simply might not happen for you naturally. It’s a horrible trade off, to wait for the perfect man but then have left it too late to start a family.

Could you maybe begin looking into adoption whilst you try other avenues of TTC?

[twinkledag]

I remember you trying for baby number 2, @resipsa, glad you got there in the end, that's fantastic!

I've been TTC#2 for 2 years, got 3 failed IVF transfers and a miscarriage to show for it

Do you ever hear from the others?

[Lemonysnicketts]

The question I asked myself was what was more important to me, to be a mother and raise children, or to physically carry and then give birth to those children. There is a difference. If it’s the latter then yes, you have to start considering a child free life. But if it’s primarily the former and you just want above all else to be a Mum, then you have options from surrogacy to adoption.

Because my answer was the latter, I skipped IVF completely and went straight to adoption (which has worked out wonderfully and we have a beautiful family). My friend on the other hand was the former and after many rounds of failed IVF has opted for childfree because she didn’t feel she could love a child that didn’t share her and her DH’s DNA.

None of it is easy OP and my heart goes out to you. Adoption has worked so well for us we have deliberately removed any (though probably minute) chance of a birth child because to us it couldn’t compare now (we are a few years down the road with 3 kids) but it isn’t so great for everyone and for some people I know they can’t get over the pain of infertility - seems to be worse in those who’ve had a birth child first then cannot conceive a sibling.

Infertility is such a blooming painful thing and I hope you do get counselling and find some peace in it all whilst you come to terms / make decisions. I do think counselling would be a great step, not to ‘adjust to being child free’ but just to process the many emotions and thoughts and feelings in a safe space.

[LuluJakey1]

Late babies are common in our family. Don't know if that is co-incidence or what.

My GG had her last child at 46, my gran had her last two children at 43 and 46, my mum had her first and last child at 45 (me- complete surprise after 20 years of marriage and having given up, thought she was in the menopause), my aunt had her last child at 44. All healthy. This was all in the days of no fertility treatment. It is possible so don't give up and try to be positive. Explore donor egg just to find out, but live your life.

[MaybeDoctor]

I reached a very dark place with secondary infertility, so know something of the desperation you feel. . I am 43 now and no longer ttc.

I got to the point of considering some quite desperate steps and my mental health was really suffering.

In the end I had to accept that there wouldn’t be a happy ending. I stopped monitoring my cycles and, although I still regret that it didn’t happen, the feelings did soften.

[ckc45d10]

Yes, as the previous poster mentioned, CoQ10 can help support egg quality. It is noteworthy for the 35+ TTC age.
As others mentioned, it would be better to work with a specialist in this area and fine tune your recommendations as well as diet and lifestyle changes.

[Geluksvogel]

Hi Just wondering why they said IVF would not work for you? Appreciate that it won’t be free at your age but I would have thought that IVF with PGS would have been an option given your stats. Miscarriages are largely statistically due to chromosomal abnormalities which are more prevalent as we get older. With PGS you can screen for these thus increasing chances of a successful implantation and reducing the chances of miscarriage irrespective of age if a good clear embryo is produced. If it’s a finance related thing then fine but if finances are not a problem it’s something you could look at and ask for more info on. This is cheaper abroad than in the UK. Good luck with the path you decide to take.

[SparrowSG]

It's not impossible, but you may have to have several rounds of IVF and some good luck. My good friend is pregnant with OE after her 5th round of IVF and baby is due just before her 46th birthday. She had very good results with AMH etc, however the one thing that they can't test for is the genetic quality of the eggs and that is one of the main reasons for us 40+s being unsuccessful.

Best of luck to you, it is a shit situation to be in. I can also recommend trying to eat/be healthy and there are a load of supplements mentioned in the book 'It Starts with the Egg', which I haven't read myself (!) but is mentioned a lot on the 40+ threads

[CornishMaid1]

If you do decide to go with IVF, you are probably either going to need to consider donor eggs as your success rate will be a lot higher or possibly PGS as they will screen for abnormalities and that is what is more likely to cause a miscarriage in older patients. The cost of either is so high in the UK that there are lots who do go abroad for the treatment.

It is likely with your age that it is the egg causing the issues, as you are more likely to have chromosomal abnormalities if you try over 40.

As others have said, coQ10 is recommended. Try having a look at 'It Starts with the Egg' book. It is geared at steps to take to improve egg quality and I have heard plenty of people recommending it on forums over the years.