I'm back and can't bear it
Iamchanging · 07/10/2017 09:41
Don't know why I'm posting this really, it's a bit pointless but needed a rant / vent / cry.
After what seemed like forever on the infertility journey we finally got pregnant on the last round of Clomid with a little girl. We felt blessed every day for almost 6 months that we had been so lucky. We were happy with just the one child, she was everything we ever wanted.
On Monday I go into hospital to deliver our precious little girl stillborn. After the 20 week scan we finally let ourselves believe and had a wonderful weekend creating the most beautiful nursery for her. The door is shut now and I can't imagine ever being able to look at it again.
So that's it really. We will grieve and we will endure and then I'll be back on the drugs again praying for another miracle. Life is just shit sometimes.
TwitterQueen1 · 07/10/2017 09:45
I am so very sorry . I feel that to say anything else would be trite and unhelpful. How desperately sad. You clearly have great courage.
RedDahlia · 07/10/2017 09:46
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JKR123 · 07/10/2017 09:50
I am so so sorry OP. I've been through IF but can never in a million years begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. Be kind to yourself and I hope those close to you in RL are looking after you
physicskate · 07/10/2017 10:39
I can’t even begin to imagine all the hurt you are feeling. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Make sure you have good around you. Be kind to yourself.
isthismummy · 07/10/2017 10:55
So very very sorry op. Life is unbearably unkind sometimes. Wishing you all the best
Iamchanging · 07/10/2017 11:17
Thank you everyone, we will get through it, I have to believe that. It's just so bloody hard. But people go through worse everyday I suppose
ScreamitDreamit · 07/10/2017 11:30
so sorry for your loss :( so very painful. life can be so cruel. your precious dd will live on in your hearts and through the angels. best wishes for the future and in your onward conception journey :) xx
Miami81 · 07/10/2017 11:31
Hello there. Massive hugs to you @Iamchanging. As you know we have been through very similar last week when we lost our little girl at around the same stage of pregnancy.
It hurts on levels that I had never even known existed before. I am here to hold your hand, scream at the injustice of the world, relive the joy of our girls - because they were a joy, just generally to hold your hand and try and listen. I am trying to remember every moment of my pregnancy so that I don't just hide from it. It was amazing and wonderful and we are parents now. In a very different way then either of us wanted to be, but you are her mom. I find moments of small comfort in that. All she knew was you and your love and your joy and your husbands/ partners joy. She was surrounded in love for her short time with you.
As I say - I will be here.
I hadn't been on IF boards previously but Eilidh was our third pregnancy and both others had ended at around 8/9 weeks. It just feels like such a big mountain to climb/ consider climbing at any stage in the future.
I hope you are surrounded in love and care at the moment.
MrsGB2225 · 07/10/2017 11:37
I'm so sorry. I hope you are surrounded by people looking after you
Iamchanging · 07/10/2017 12:04
Thank you to everyone but in particular Miami. The kindness you have shown by staying in touch with me despite what you are going through at the same time is amazing.
We have decided to scatter Beths ashes on our favourite beach in Cornwall, which is also where I scattered my mums 5 years ago, so that gives me some comfort and hopefully a measure of closure.
I have been thinking of you everyday and I hope that you and your DH are managing as best you can x
Clickncollect · 07/10/2017 14:40
This is so cruel, I am so sorry you have had to go through this xxxxxx
Catinthecorner · 08/10/2017 16:41
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Beth is a beautiful name for your precious child and I hope putting her to rest with your mum gives you a level of comfort.
scoobyloobyloo · 08/10/2017 23:23
I am so sorry for your loss. what a precious and loved baby she is. You are a mother, you will alway be a mother. All she ever knew was the warmth and comfort of you. In some ways it is almost the perfect life, never exposed to any of life’s pain or hardships.
We lost our baby boy 18 months ago after 7 rounds of IVF. He was one of twins but we still feel his loss every day. The beach in Cornwall sounds like a beautiful place for her to rest and you to remember her by.
Weedance · 09/10/2017 10:39
So sorry to hear this OP, there are no words. You are in my thoughts and prayers
Iamchanging · 09/10/2017 11:25
Thank you everyone. Just had the first pill but it can take up to three days apparently. Just want it to be over now so we can grieve - just exhausted
Blondeshavemorefun · 09/10/2017 11:51
so sorry for your loss, life really is shit sometimes :(
scattering on the beach with her granny sounds perfect
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