Infertility is shit

[Icklepickle101]

Having a wobble after was so sure I'd be getting clomid to start today and instead got more blood tests and tube laparoscopy booked. It's just shit. Pregnancy announcements, bump pictures, baby showers and newborns all around new at work and with my close friends, every fucking week. I want to be happy for them but it hurts, it really hurts. I've had more cries in the loo at work than I can count and I'm sick of the sight of ovulation tests and the thought of yet more dtd. I don't feel like I belong on conception after getting the unexplained infertility diagnosis and waving goodbye to cycle 18.

I'll stop wallowing in self pity now, unless anyone else wants a moan with me?

It 100% sucks... I swear as soon as you start trying everyone and their dog is pregnant! I try to keep myself sane by letting myself get upset for a minute (or 10... ) and then reminding myself that being jealous or upset doesn't help me- and I make myself think of the good things in life and move on...
The investigations etc take what seems like forever- but hopefully in the end we'll get that elusive BFP!
Hope you feel better- always good to have a moan!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a shit few weeks too. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed at this stage. I'm having regular crying spells. I'm totally consumed by my situation.

Sorry I can't offer any positivity, but I hear you

Sorry you're going through this, Pickle. It is absolute shit. Bumps, babies, scan photos, they all make my groan and cry. I feel like a wretched jealous witch but try to let myself have the feelings as eventually they will pass, as Peanuts said.

But they are so, so difficult. I never thought I'd dread DTD but after several months of goal oriented shagging, a miscarriage, and an ectopic, it's hard for me to enjoy it anymore. Feels like my body's not my own anymore and it seems to just result in disappointment.

Bridget, pretty sure I'm depressed too. I also cry a lot and have turned into a bit of a grumpy nag with poor DH. I worry about how it affects our marriage, TBH.

to all of you on this rubbish journey. Thankful to you all for your support.

meadow with you on the DTD dread. I hit a low point last night and cried immediately after it all feels so futile. I'm so sorry for your losses. What an utterly shitty journey this is.

It is really shit.
My friend is pregnant and is the only person I have told that we are having issues. She text me inviting me to her baby shower. I already have plans (thank god) as there is no way I could go and be asked when I'll be having a baby etc. I feel like a failure.

It's massively shit.
I never ever imagined that trying to get pregnant (and keeping the pregnancy) would be so f'ing difficult.
I go through phases of hating everyone that's pregnant or even people who I suspect might be pregnant! Then I try my best to be appreciative for the life that I have. It's so difficult.

I'm so glad that we can rant on here without being judged because I worry sometimes that my DH will get sick of me moaning and crying. I'm glad he's a positive person but sometimes he just doesn't understand.

Sending love to all xxx

Yep hugely shit, tiring, upsetting, frustrating the lot. I feel exactly the same. My OH initial sperm analysis showed low morphology so he is trying to improve his diet etc for the retest. I don't know if it will work but part of me has given up thinking about it all as it's just too upsetting. We've been trying well over a year and I've been off the pill for almost 2 so clearly something isn't right.
My heart goes out to anyone who's going through this- I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thank god for this site which shows that we aren't alone.
X

But try to keep a positive mind because that going to help you a lot.

How exactly will that help you a lot? Where's the evidence (and I don't mean anecdotes or personal stories) that having a positive mind will help fertility or pregnancy outcome?

It's bullshit. Any individual fertility treatment is more likely to fail than it is to succeed so assuming it's going to work is setting yourself up for disappointment. Thinking positive is just another stupid platitude which people with infertility hear more than enough, said by usually well meaning people, but which is just not helpful. Infertility is awful, really hard and often a lonely place. I'd far rather people acknowledged this than dismissed my feelings with crap unhelpful platitudes which make me feel even more alone.

Of course, sometimes it's needed to moan a little, but after we must be positive and never give up!

This is really bad advice. Unfortunately some people have to make peace with the fact that they won't be able to give birth to a live baby and find other ways to be happy in their lives. IVF doesn't work for everyone and you can't live in limbo forever.

Yes it's utterly shit.

We are 12 months into ttc #2. I don't even think I'm ovulating at all. Doctor is happy to refer us for whatever help we're able to get (which is obviously limited as we already have one child, which is fair enough). However in order to tick the box to refer us, husband has to provide a sperm sample so that box can be ticked, and he's 'not got time' to go to the doctors and do it.

I feel I have just lost all hope now. I am surrounded by bumps and babies and I don't think I'm ever going to have another one.

It is massively shit.
It's so so hard, heartbreaking, lonely and all consuming, if it wasn't for places like this where you can rant with people who feel your pain i'm not sure how i would get through.

After over 4 years ttc # 1, 2 failed icsi cycles and and a miscarriage i find it very hard to keep positive. I am the only one in my group of friends who isnt pregnant or has children, everywhere you turn there is another announcement, scan picture etc.... and each time it hurts so much.

The thought of starting another round of treatment is exhausting, more injections, scans, being poked and prodded but at the same time i need to try again.
I'm terrified though, terrified it won't work and at the same time terrified it will but then go wrong again.

I'm loosing hope and i'm scared that i'm never going to be a mummy. It really sucks xx

PurpleDaisies, of course it doesn't work for everyone, and I realise it, but the ways always exist

I think each woman who has so hard stage in her life will defeat this, there is always a chance

Unfortunately, for some of us no ways exist to get and stay pregnant. That's a fact and no amount of positive thinking or fancy doctors can do anything about it. Knowing when to stop trying is the hardest part of this whole awful business.

Good luck to you, but you need to stay realistic. Any doctor guaranteeing that treatment will work is a charlatan.

It's total bullshit and anyone who tells you to keep a positive mindset clearly hasn't been there or has forgotten how it was. Be positive all you want but it certainly won't knock you up no matter how many mn'ers say it will!! Be kind to yourself, have treats and talk to others on here who won't tell you to relax and it'll just happen. It's so shit and no one admits just how shit it is!!!

I can't believe there are so many deletions, I wanted to jump in and acknowledge how indescribably awful living with infertility/going through treatment can be. I wish there was some way of conveying this to people who haven't experienced it.

I experienced a long infertility journey which for several years felt like a continual but secret bereavement.

I don't think this is the place for too much of my personal experience or pearls of wisdom but I really want to send love to everyone on this thread whose going through emotional torture during their treatment.

While I was having treatment I came across the novel The Two Week Wait. Even though it wasn't about exactly my situation seeing some of it written down was good.

It's a shame there have been deletions, I'd hoped for a supportive group where we can rant and rave to other people who get it.

I had an HSG today and it was utterly awful, I had lots of tears but the team were incredible and I'm very thankful all was fine with my tubes. Came home still very tears to MIL telling me she 'totally gets how emotionally draining it is' as it took her 2 months to conceive both her children. And to top it off my pregnant colleague announced her news to the boss today so now I have to sort it all her maternity stuff at work (I'm hr) which is a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I think the lack of dignity and constant tests and poking and prodding makes it so much worse. There's nothing like having your legs akimbo, massive torch shining down there with 4 doctors/nurses all stood round asking what you are planning for dinner. I was so mortified about the situation I couldn't even answer what DC1 was called let alone think about cooking!

Sorry you had a bad HSG, icklepickle.

The deletions are because this board (and apparently the donor conception and surrogacy board too) is currently being invaded by people (or most likely just one person constantly creating new usernames) who is pretending to be a fellow infertile but is actually here to promote a dodgy clinic in the Ukraine.They post a few ok times in extremely dodgy English and then some other mysterious new poster arrives to tell them about this wonderful clinic. Anyhow, it's all very tedious but I think it's important to point out it's not because people are being abusive.

Don't worry about the deletions. They were spammers setting up fake posts so "another" fake poster could come reply and advise them about the wonderful clinic in the Ukraine they'd used. Unfortunately the infertility/donor conception/surrogacy areas are full of these trolls.

Oops, x post with Tammy

Also sorry you had a bad HSG icklepickle. I found the HSG by far the most painful (from a physical point of view) part of the entire infertility/IVF process.

I've got my first fertility appointment next week and I'm terrified. I've not told anybody and it's tearing me up inside. It means I have to actually face that there is a problem. Urgh