It's Christmas! Let's make it even worse for her ?????

[waitingimpatient]

Absofuckinglutely fuming

Dm showed me (?) my Xmas gifts and dsis ....."chocs for you both etc etc,....oh and these funny books 'the mum' for dsis as baby due soon and this for you 'mid life crisis'"
So I cried
And cried

Apparently at my age (34???) I'm too old to get pg
I've been stressing recently over how to be a good sister to dsis when my hearts breaking.....how I'm going to manage to not cry at the baby shower etc and this has ruined me :(
Want to scream

Your DM's sense of humour seems somewhat warped.

I'm so angry on your behalf. That is so incredibly insensitive and a horrible horrible joke. Can you or your partner sit her down and explain? I'd have run out of there in tears not caring who saw me. I think you must be a saint to be selfless enough even consider going to the baby shower.

I would have told her to fuck off

Well I'm not sure about the baby shower, I've been going over and over it and trying desperately to put aside my feelings of sadness and go
Now seems that I can't I just won't manage emotionally

She said you're too old to get pregnant or do u Think it's just implied? Either way, it's nonsense, and also ridiculous to give you a mid life crisis book at your age.

I'm guessing she means it as a joke, but if you're struggling with infertility it's just not funny. Hopefully she'll realise her mistake now.

I cried and got upset/angry
She made a comment how she stopped at 35 (ill be 35 in Feb) and said it's "too old"

It was a joke I think and she seems v v embarrassed. Damage is done though I feel like shit :( final nail in the coffin type thing. And I was doing so well putting on a brace face

*brave

Your mums a thoughtless idiot. If you dont feel like you can cope with the baby shower don't be a martyr, your sister has enough good things going on, she doesnt need for you to make yourself miserable too.

X-post, at least your mum us embarrassed.

You're too old at 35???!!

I was 36 when I had dd & 39 (nearly 40) when I had ds. I'm 40 now so I must be ancient!

I think that's so mean of your mum and quite frankly, not even remotely funny. Tell her to fuck off.

And baby showers are shit anyway. I've managed to avoid them so far.

Do your Mum & sis know you are struggling to conceive ? If they do that's extremely cruel.
I think the older generation have not caught up with the fact that people are having babies much later.

Wow your mum is insensitive.

Does she know that you are struggling to conceive?

Tell her exactly how you feel. This isn't a time to put on a brave face. This time your mum has been a twat. Did she see how upset you were?

PS baby showers are absolutely shit. Went to one.... Never again.

Wtf?! How on earth could she be so insensitive? I take it she knows your struggling to conceive?

Yes, she knows and there's a stigma attached to age. Been mentioned before and tbh she always had-o feel she mistakes the 'fertility declines at 35' to mean 'you're too old at 35'

I just thought it was keep trying till you hit the menopause
I've felt like crap andyway as dsis asked me to feel the baby kick a few weeks ago and I know I recoiled in horror :( I felt bad but it was that awful panic and upset, not jealously but more of feeling sorry for myself.
I want to go to the shower as I've been invited and I need to try but it will be hard, after this though (not that it was dsis) I just feel I can't because I'm being judged for wanting a baby somehow ?

Even worse that she knows.

You really do need to tell her. This is one of the rudest things I've heard.

Did she not realise how upset you were?

I'm assuming that you have a dp, maybe you could spend Xmas away from your mother.

We were planning on not seeing her anyway as need a break from everyone
She is generally anti "meddling with nature" and makes it clear

35 too old? I had one at 40 and one at 43. She's just being awful.

Best of luck to you.

If she's anti "meddling with nature" I hope she doesn't wear glasses then.

Or take any medication.

Babies at 35 was virtually geriatric in the 70s/80s. It's normal now.

Good for you for keeping away from her.

Re meddling with nature, does that apply to all medical procedures or just assisted conception?!

I think that's why she has the view she does, not excusing her but it seems to be a generational thing

I remember when I got pregnant at 35, I was horrified - already had a 15yo DD. I remember saying to my midwife, but I'm too old to have a baby. She just laughed. I was the youngest at our ante-natal group!

But yes, that was insensitive of your mum.

Have you told your DSis that whilst you are overjoyed for her, it is difficult for you? I'm sure she would understand. Then if you really can't face the babyshower (why is this a thing now?) then you wont upset her.