Was IVF always the road for you?

[LuckyBlackKitty]

So, we've been TTC for a year now.
I'm 36 and DH is 40 and so we have started the initial exploratory tests via GP.
My question to you all is, did you always know you would go down the IVF route?
We've started talking about it and DH isn't keen. I think he is scared of having twins/triplets/etc and is daunted by the whole process.
Was there ever a time when you thought you would accept not having children or would you always go down the 'treatment' toute, whatever it took?

I always knew I would do it. I have a friend who always knew she wouldn't (and didn't have to!)
The risk of multiple pregnancies isn't really that high. Most multiple pregnancies happen if you put more than one embryo back in, if you don't want more than one then only put one back in. A lot of clinics recommend that anyway

I would; I would hope not to but I would.

Yes, I never doubted that we would go for IVF if that was what we needed. Not that we haven't discussed and looked into adoption, and talked about living childlessly (after all, we might have to; the IVF might never work), but no, never an actual doubt that we'd skip IVF (apart from the times when it looked like my health might not take it.)

Yeah, don't worry too much about multiples. Good clinics tend to be very alert to this risk, it was one of the things that drew me to the Lister in fact.

And yes, once I realised I might have trouble conceiving I knew I would give IVF everything I had. I would have used the capital gains on my flat in the last instance to fund rounds at ARGC. But luckily the Lister worked out for us.

I would also say that ivf isn't hard for everyone. It was a breeze compared to being pregnant for me! I didn't have any hormonal rages or crashes. I was slightly sore on my left side for a day or two. Otherwise, me and dh found a lot of it very funny. (And we had three rounds, two at another clinic, before it worked.)

Thanks ladies. I'm really hoping we won't need it but now we are at the 12 month mark we need to start thinking about it.
DH is reluctant at the mo

Yes. I never questioned it for a second

In truth, I always had a feeling we would end up needing it. Don't ask me how or why. I'm not an intuitive person and normally I'd say that was a load of woowoo but I just half expected it.

Weirdly I actually quite enjoyed the 2 weeks of stimming (stimulation injections to grow the eggs) because it felt like we were doing something really proactive to try and get our baby. Infertility is 99% waiting and 1% actually doing, in my experience

Our second cycle worked. And we have four more embryos on ice. Sadly we suffered a missed miscarriage on Monday and are absolutely heartbroken, but that has nothing to do with IVF

Once the embryo is back inside you it's really no different to anyone else, it's just your embryo came from the bottom not the top. The rate of miscarriage is no higher with IVF pregnancies than in the general population - although more very early miscarriages are detected because with IVF you test earlier

For us it was and is a question of how we will have a family, not if. If we don't have any joy with my own eggs we will consider donor eggs. We would consider adoption once we've exhausted all IVF options if it comes to it. At the end of the day, for us a baby is a baby, whether it's made in the fallopian tube or in a dish. It's made with love - and sometimes a dash of science

Also 12 months isn't so bad, my best friend took 14 months with her first and one day for her second! They may also recommend other things before IVF (I'm 4 years down the line before we did it)

Thanks bananafish.
I'm so sorry you have miscarried. It must be an emotional rollercoaster!

When we were at the same stage as you OP, we discussed all treatment with our consultant. He wanted an idea of how far we wanted to go before we stopped (this was in 2004)

We knew we would do everything from clomid, up through icsi, Ivf, everything we could. And would do 2 cycles of Ivf.

Of course it could have changed, we were very lucky to fall pregnant at one of the early stages of treatment, and who knows how far we would have gone when faced with the prospect of two failed Ivfs. But our consultant was adamant we had that conversation at the start, which IMO helped us.

Also at the 12 month mark I'm not sure why IVF would be the immediate logical next step

Have you had day 3 bloods done to check your hormone levels (FSH, LH, oestrogen, testosterone, plus your thyroid and prolactin)

Have you had day 21 progesterone to confirm if you are definitely ovulating? If not then ovulation induction with Clomid would be a logical next step

Have you had an HSG or HyCoSy to check your tubes are open?

Have you had a pelvic ultrasound to look for any obvious abnormalities, check your uterine lining and antral follicle count?

Do you have any red flags like very heavy or painful periods that might indicate fibroids or endometriosis? In which case have you had this investigated further with a lap and dye?

Very very importantly - has your partner had a semen analysis to check for sperm count, motility and morphology?

The number one reason for IVF is male factor infertility so this bit is vital

IVF should only be a last resort and 12 months is when you should be able to ask your GP for basic tests and a referral to an ACU for further investigations.

I realise you've said you've started having the exploratory steps via your GP but just to say there are lots of steps where stuff may be uncovered and dealt with before IVF! X

I think a useful thing about starting ivf is that you, again at a decent clinic, start getting tested for the sort of things that are left off by GPs. Given that your dh is currently a bit reluctant, getting as much of this checked out now will do you no harm. For example, when we went back to the Lister to start for dc2, they tested my thyroid function and found it too low. I farted around for months before starting that cycle and ended up pregnant while down regging, which wouldn't have happened without sorting out my thyroid.

Cross post!

Yes, I've had my bloods done and that all came back normal. DH is due to have his SA in the next couple of weeks.
it all just feels a bit daunting particularly as I seem to be dragging DH along on the journey.
Thank you for sharing your insights. Yes, I do need to remind myself that there are lots of tests we can have which might find something that could be treated and solve any issues.
Got to stay positive!
Thanks again

yes after ttc for 7ish years ,then was advised to have ivf as was 37 and time ticking

sadly 4 attempts failed so far

2 cycles with one clinic,

3rd cycle with diff clinic which failed, but which harvested more embroyos so froze 6

fet - failed but have 5 left which we use at some point when we get emotionally mentally and financially afford to do it

would always try ivf as adoption isnt possible for us

2 weeks before we got DH SA results back I told my mum I never wanted to do IVF. I had been reading up on it and it sounded so emotionally and physically invasive.
We then received the SA results and were told there was none. We are still sitting in limbo at the moment waiting to find out if ICSI/IVF is even an option. If it is we have agreed we will go ahead and do 1 cycle. If that doesn't work we are very open to adoption x

You know, just my opinion but I haven't found IVF that hard so far and that's coming from a needle phobic who used to be quite shy during smear tests! Now I'll gladly stick myself with a needle and show my bits to anyone seriously though, it hasn't been as half as bad as I thought it would be (and that's considering the shock of getting hardly any eggs when the NHS had said I had no problems with ovarian reserve)

I found IVF a piece of piss physically

Financially was way more painful!

But to me IVF wasn't nearly as emotionally painful as infertility leading up to and in between my cycles.

IVF gave me - and will give me - the best chance of becoming a Mummy

So for me it wasn't the IVF that was tough. It was my diagnosis of infertility that was tough. IVF was at least doing something about it for us.

I'm with banana, the endless waiting, cycle after cycle of nothing, the stress of timed sex, the ovulation kits - all more stressful and painful than me being stuck with needles and DH having to wank in a room

I have pcos so I always knew that I might need it, but was lucky enough not to for my DS (conceived on our second clomid cycle). However, we do need it this time round and I always knew I would do it. However, I also always knew - and still do - that there is a limit to what I can take with the IVF. We have just done our first transfer so obvs we're not at that point yet, but there is limit both emotionally and financially.

The actual process of IVF hasn't been that bad for me to be honest. I don't have a problem jabbing myself with needles and all that other stuff and actually it often feels better to be getting on with it and doing something.

Agree the actual ivf isn't that bad as in injections etc

It's the failure I find hard and as all private thinking omg how much money have we spent (£21k) so far and nothing

It's also finding the money for the next go - or paying it off once failed / also hard

Yes I would be gutted if NHS I'vf failed but it seems harder when paying for it and another £6k scraped together and no baby

It's fine getting a loan for a car holiday new kitchen etc and paying it off - as you have something for your monthly payments iyswim

So much harder when nothing. To show

Saying that I would pay another £10 if would guarantee I would get preg - but no Guarantee sadly :(

Yep I agree with blondes

We are £18,000 down on IVF as I wasn't eligible for NHS funding

We have 4 embryos on ice but after just suffering a MMC, which in all likelihood (the karotyping of the products of conception will confirm or not) was the result of a chromosomally abnormal embryo - as most miscarriages are - which of the 4 we pick to put back in a FET is essentially a lucky dip. Or rather Russian roulette

We could strike it lucky first time

Or we could have 4 failed FETs or more miscarriages

I am therefore minded to do another fresh cycle and hope we can replicate our second cycle and get enough blasts to be able to do PGS. Although that would be a tall order as with my ridiculously low ovarian reserve neither the Drs nor the embryologists understand how someone with undetectable AMH got 17 eggs and 5 good blasts!!

I am too scared of risking MMC again to put back an untested embryo if i possibly can

But a PGS cycle is going to cost £14,000

It's the uncertainty that kills me

And the bills!

We are very lucky to have our four frosties on the subs bench. But this MMC just slayed me. I could cope with more BFN. I can't face the prospect of seeing a heartbeat twice and then finding out my baby died without me having any clue.

But that is nothing whatever to do with IVF

That is the lottery of life

But science - IVF - will hopefully give us a better outcome next time

Oh Bananafish, that's hard. I'm sorry for your loss.

But can I just say: 17 eggs? The what? 5 blasts good enough to keep? Shit the bed. That is amazing.