When to get rid of the baby items?

[closephine85]

Been ttc number 2 for over 2 years now and all the while I have been dutifully packing up all of my sons outgrown clothes, toys, equipment etc and putting it in the attic 'just in case'. He is going to be 4 next week, the attic is full to bursting and I can't decide... Do I give it all away whilst I still have that shred of hope that a sibling may happen one day? Or do I keep it until all hope is gone and then have the added blow of packing up all the baby things as well?!

People were so generous when we had our son, I had this wonderful image in my head of having my 2.4 children and then gifting them on to a friend who needed them. Now I feel like gifting these items to friends would be too painful and I think it will all have to go to charity.

Secondary fertility feels like such a lonely place sometimes. It's like I'm stuck in limbo and can't move forward.

I started passing on clothes when my DD was about 3 and we had been TTC for over 2 years. My cousin has a DD a year younger than my DD, so I automatically pass on outgrown clothes now (DD is almost 5 now). Baby clothes and lots of equipment went about 6 months ago, when I did an NCT type sale. I have eBayed some things, and given other bits and bobs away. I have a colleague whose wife is expecting twins, so I gave her all my saved maternity clothes a couple of months ago.

Toys, baby clothes and some books have been donated to charity shop. Having done the first purge, it is easier to start passing things on as DD out grows them now.

Cot bed is leant to a friend, pram, car seats and Moses basket are in the loft. They can stay there for a bit longer. I loved my pram and it was expensive. When that goes, I know I will have finally given up all hope of another baby.

We have been TTC #2 for over 4 years now. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago (conceived naturally, a month after our referral to the fertility unit). Since then, nothing. I have been hanging onto the hope that, as we have managed to conceive twice in the last 7 years, then it is still possible. But have just returned to fertility unit and retested. Have moved from 'unexplained' to Definite male factor infertility. Am now contemplating IVF. Pram will remain in loft until our agreed number of IVF cycles end. Then it's going on eBay and I will try to concentrate on enjoying the fact that I am mum to my beautiful DD, for whom I am deeply, deeply thankfull.

Secondary infertility is complex. DD took a long time to conceive and, whilst my recollection is incomplete, I think, for me, the monthly disappointment feels just as acute now as it did when I was TTC DD. but that is probably skewed by the fact that I am suffering from secondary infertility now. And primary infertility didn't last as long and had a happy ending. I feel disappointed, frustrated, sad and envious of people who have larger families, apparently effortlessly. But, at the same time, I feel very guilty for feeling empty and incomplete when I have a wonderful DD. I have so much, it feels a bit ungrateful to want more. But I do. I try hard not to, but I do.

Yorkshire you're right, it's very complex! The competing feelings of 'be happy with what you have' vs the utter desperation to have more.

I seem to diagnose myself with something different every month. My hospital seem so disintererested in helping us. Every time I try and suggest something they just brush it off. I just can't shake the feeling that something is getting in the way. I have not had a single bfp in the entire time we have been trying but I have had many months where I have felt a sharp pain around the time implantation should occur. I just can't help thinking I perhaps have some scar tissue or something in the way?!

Oh I hope we all get our second babies soon :( (and even as I write this I feel that guilt that other ladies have none!)

Ugh DS just sobbed himself to sleep because he doesn't want to be 4 (upcoming birthday, over tired, over excited etc) and I had to fight back the tears. I don't want him to be 4 either, my baby is growing up and I don't know if I will ever have another :(

I had a good cry (sob) yesterday evening and I feel a lot calmer today. i think I needed a bit of a release. We had a wonderful party today, DS had a brilliant time and we had lots of lovely friends there. He still doesn't want to be 4 though, cried when we sang happy birthday poor boy.

Of course you don't deserve the pain :( none of us do. Sometimes I feel like shouting from the rooftops about how hard all this is. People just don't 'get' it. I'd love to try and raise some awareness somehow. It's all a bit too raw tho...

It seems very unfair that you can't be tested just because of your bmi. If there is pain there that wasn't there before, surely it should be investigated for you? X

Wow does it actually say on your forms that secondary infertility is a low priority?! How charming!! I have to say though, I certainly feel like a very low priority at my hospital.

I was actually fine when AF arrived this month. Perhaps testing early is the way forward as I could prepare myself for it gradually rather than building my hopes up for a let down. As long as I don't ovulate on an inconvenient day then we should be having IUI this month. If that doesn't work after 3 tries then I will have a laparoscopy and if that shows nothing then we will look into private options. So at least we have a bit of a plan in place. Just itching to get going with the IUI now but I have quite a long cycle (32 days usually) so I have a bit of a wait now...

Sorry I realse this post has progressed on a bit from the baby items question I raised initially! X

Soooo I tried. I washed tiny baby clothes, folded tiny baby clothes, looked longingly at tiny baby clothes and... Put them back in the attic. Not ready yet!

Hi kitty, how are you?

We had our first month of IUI last month but my husbands count was rather low and it didn't work. Having a month off this month, I just felt like I need a break from the endless hospital appointments. Going to give it another shot next month then probably look at ivf in the new year as I can't keep doing this month on month. Have you got anywhere? X