The mind numbing boredom of infertility

[icy121]

Two years. Month in, month out, and no change. I'm finding a huge part of this whole nightmare is trying to cope with the boredom. I bore myself incessantly googling variations of the same question, staying up late at night to the glow of an iPad, reading more and more obscure medical research abstracts. Asking my doctor friend if I can borrow her password so I can see whether the BMJ has any updates from last week. It's fucking monotonous. Nowhere else in my life have I had to strive so hard to get absolutely nowhere.

I don't talk to friends about it, they don't want to hear it and frankly I've cried too many times when it's come up for them to have any sympathy left. They're bored. So we just ignore and and plod on, except I'm not bloody plodding on. I'm wallowing side to side and achieving absolutely fuck all. And secretly dreading the fact they're all getting married and their babies will be on the horizon. I'm going to lose my friends.

I decided not to put my life on hold, got a new job in a small firm, booking holidays but it all feels very empty because what I'm really doing is waiting. And it's so fucking tedious.

laura you sound in a right panic love. I hope your Mum is ok, was it a stroke? I hope not. Can you speak to some at the pharmacy or email reprofit? Sounds like you need some more info. Hope you get it sorted and your cycle goes smoothly. Dog Poo to you too!
bip well your little brothers are definitely the biggest baby bomb I've ever heard! That must have been a real shock! How's the shots going? Do you have any scans soon?
potatoes how you feeling today? Hope the leakage has stopped. Did you go visit your friend the other day? Do they know what you have been through? Hope your getting some support in all of this.
meh you have an embryo on board! I really hope it works for you and your DH. Hoping the cold fucks off and leaves you to it. The 2ww must be agonising. Hope you have some good distractions.
kiwi Drink the gin, all of it! Have you tried relaxing to get pregnant, apparently that works!!! do people realise how stupid they sound when they state this?
icy have a lovely holiday. Will you enjoy a few guilt free drinks before the jabbing starts? I hope you do. How nice of a man to open up about IVF, it must have been nice to hear it from a blokes point of view and hear it works! Brittany made me laugh!
sammy how are you?
karla I haven't heard of DHEA much. I did try Soy Isoflavanes. They are supposed to work like clomid. I've read it working for a lot of people but who knows!

This is going to out me HUGELY, but someone I know has apparently just announced their pregnancy.

On ant and decs Saturday night take away.

I have no words.

Argh I watched that, but didn't see that bit???

Mum ended up as having a TGA - Transient Global Amnesia which is a stress induced blackout. Thankful not a stroke but she's very unsettled bless her.

Dropping into pharmacy yet again tomorrow to try and work out the conundrum of the prescription and try and get it in a format that I can actually buy it.

Went to loo earlier and pink on the paper which had me worried - if it develops into full period I don't know what it'll do to my treatment timings (yet again) being that I'm meant to be taking notheriston from Monday to keep period away! Dammit!

Biscuits Jesus, there is no respite from it, even when you're on your sofa watching some escapist telly other people's pregnancies will come and bite you on the ass.

Laura glad your mother didn't have a stroke, but a TGA sounds pretty upsetting. How are you holding up? Is there an emergency / weekend number you can call with your clinic to find out the dosages of your meds? It's so awful when you can't tell if/when your period's going to start, when everything needs to be on such a watertight schedule. Fingers crossed it's just random spotting. You took a pregnancy test last time you had spotting & no period, right?

Not having a brilliant time with stims. I've had a splitting headache the whole time, horrible cramps, my ovaries feel like grapefruits & my back hurts. This does not seem quite right after only 4 jabs. A bit concerned they've overdone it with my dose. Have of course now read all sorts of stuff on the internet about how overstimulating fucks up otherwise healthy eggs by provoking an androgen response in the ovaries, blah blah blah, so I may end up with 20 eggs, but all immature or aneuploid. Ugh. Already planning the next cycle in my mind, having convinced myself this one's a write-off.

her mum got picked to win the adverts and it was her that blurted it out. I can't be too bitter, the daughter is the loveliest person. But STILL. COME ON!

Any news on your mum today Laura? Really hope the blessings stopped and it's just a random break through. Last thing you need! Hope you're holding up X

Bip Christ you're having a rough time of it! I have no experience of stims but that Definately doesn't sound right from what I've read. Is there anyone at the clinic you can contact today?

Ffs. I meant bleeding, not blessings

Permanently unblessed here!

Just marking my place, will catch up soon and update. Xx

biscuits I've seen it!! Hope the poor girl didn't mind the whole country knowing. What a baby bomb.
laura has the bleeding settled? was glad to see your mum didn't suffer a stroke.
bip can you speak to someone about your symptoms? Hope it's nothing and all just a good sign things are working as they should.
Back to reality for me tomorrow; work and gym after a week of doing sweet FA. Not including all the lovely food and coffees I've had! have a great week ladies, dog shit to each and everyone of you!!

Catch up time!

Kiwi - I know right, the 'I missed one pill and now I'm pregnant' stories baffle me! And people who say things like 'we're going to get pregnant in June' annoy the hell out of me!

Tammy - they played baby love? Someone needs to sort out the playlist. Glad it didn't upset you though.

Karla - glad the DHEA seems to be working, no advice on dosages though I'm afraid.

Laura, glad your mum didn't have a stroke, how is she doing now?

Biscuits - I saw and and dec, after the mother announced it I thought to myself 'I hope that isn't them telling all their friends and family' - evidentially it was. TV baby bombs are not cool.

Bip - sorry you're feeling so bad, they does sound like you're a bit overstimulated. Contact your clinic ASAP as your dose may need changing, and drink as much water and milk as you can. Trust me, you do not want ohss. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Pebbles - thanks for asking after me, I'm ok. CD25 here of what is usually a 28/29 day cycle (although I didn't temp on holiday so no actual clue of when I ovulated), so fx around 4 days until af and then I can book my baseline scan. Slightly nervous as this cycle will be medicated (FET) and last time the meds made me feel really sick and we had to abandon. Xx

laura so sorry to hear about your mum. How is she? How are you coping? Hope you've had some luck with the prescription.

bip those side effects sound horrific. Def not the average experience of Ivf. Have the clinic been any help? Do they plan to keep you on them for much longer?

pebbles happy return to work!

sammy hope everything goes to time and you can book the scan get going.

I' m hanging in there. No bleeding yet. ERPC tomorrow. If I can hold out with no or light bleeding they'll go ahead, if i start to bleed heavily I'll have to do it naturally which would be very annoying after a week of waiting and could delay going back to work. So fingers crossed I can hold out for 24 hours more!

Right, so had scan today & I'm officially not overstimulated, just constipated . Asked about the bloating/cramps & was treated to a view of my backed-up colon on the big screen. So now I can identify poo on ultrasound. And farts - they kindly pointed out pockets of gas in my intestine. I guess they have to get their kicks somehow.

Had 9 big follicles, lots of little ones they didn't count. Am now on an extra dose of menopur to encourage the little ones to step up. Hoping they're not all fucked, or pseudo-follicles with no eggs in.

Potatoes all the best of luck for tomorrow, and that nothing starts beforehand. I've found I had a real sense of relief after erpcs, and I hope that you have a similar feeling.

Sammy I hope all goes well in your upcoming fet - will the meds be a little easier? Estrogen & progesterone rather than the whole downreg / stim business?

Ah constipation. Best thing about the last week has been stopping the progestetone and being able to go to the toilet. I found prunes did not help sadly. Shreddies were good. And lots of water. It was like pooing rocks.

That sounds like a decent number of follicles. Fingers crossed the little ones catch up. I hope you get a yield to justify the headaches!

Bip - glad you're not over stimmed, it's horrible. Not that constipation so nice, but you know what I mean!

Well yeah, no risk of the discomfort of grapefruit sized ovaries this time, but last medicated FET was abandoned as the estrogen was making me so nauseous. I couldn't work and hadn't eaten for 3 days!

Potatoes - I hope things work out as best they can for you. It's so unfair that you have to go through this. How long will the procedure take? Xx

Shit, estrogen is awful, too? Had no idea. Good luck, Sammy - can they give you anything for the nausea this time?

For constipation I like a bit of kiwi fruit with the hairy skin still on. Like a toothbrush for the gut. If you slice it up thin you hardly notice the prickles. Haven't been doing that this time - I shall get on it now.

Yeah they have prescribed some anti nausea pills along with my other meds this time. I'm really hoping it works. I'm also on part estrogen tablets and part patches.
I don't think everyone reacts so badly, I'm just very sensitive to the hormones apparently. God knows what I'm going to be like if I ever actually get pregnant!! Lol. Xx

Potatoes, I hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

re: constipation - it seems to be the bane of my life lately. Maybe it is my age but ever since TTC I have been only too aware of pre-AF constipation, which has now extended to ovulation constipation as well. I spend half the month, er, backed up for one reason or another. Maybe I should try to drink more alcohol water.

Hey Potatoes, I hope it all goes well today. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you Potatoes

Hope it goes OK today potatoes- thinking of you.

Good news bip and sammy hope all goes OK this time!

bip have you tried the yellow kiwifruit (Zespri)- they're not as hairy so the skin is actually nice to eat and they're nice sliced, but probably still have the same effect!

Hope everyone is going OK. Laura hope you figured out the drugs.

Thanks everyone for the validation re the gin. I did indeed hit it in the weekend. I hadn't felt like alcohol for ages but the G&T tasted so good!!!

I'm just waiting at the doctors to have blood tests, for what feels like the millionth time.

Have a good day everyone.

Thanks guys. Managed not to bleed yet, phew. Sitting in a waiting room. Again! DH is off looking after my mum who's probably more worried than me!

Got pads, wipes, pjs the lot - including chocolate I can't have cos I can't eat. Hmph.

Also craving gin now.... Maybe this weekend. Good tip on kiwi for constipation. I'm going to try that next time!

potatoes hope you're not feeling too bad after today. I cannot imagine how it must feel to go through that. As Bip says I hope you feel some relief now, the past week must have been awful. Take it easy and eat all the chocolate you can once you're up to it.
bip the image of your colon sounds delightful! Better than exploding ovaries. Hope the kiwi works a treat.
laura hope the anti sickness meds work. Is everything else with the cycle going ok?
kiwi what do they want with your blood now? So annoying all these tests and scans etc

For once I feel a sense of relief. My appointment was very quick today. The consultant had my op notes. He confirmed I have ovaries and they are fine!! So we filled out our funding application for IVF! He said we will be starting within 18 weeks max!
I am happy to wait for the call, when it happens we are ready. In the mean time I am going to enjoy life a little and have a bloody Gin too!!
X
Hello to anyone I've missed and apologies xx

All done. Home with toast and chocolate. Very quick and easy.

Thanks for all your good wishes. bip do report back on the success of the kiwi.

pebbles that all sounds like good news. Good luck with the application.

Laura hope the drug buying is going OK (!) and I hope your mum is doing well.

Good news potatoes - take it easy and look after yourself.

Pebbles - that's great news!! Definitely celebrate with a gin! So good to have the next step locked in.

My blood tests is our attempt to speed things up- as we recently moved regions we're sort of back to square one (fertility appointment at hospital coming up soon) although we'd had all the tests before. So we're having the tests we know they'll want to redo now, before our appointment, in the hope at our appointment they can fast track us to treatment. We can hope!!

How's everyone else doing?

Hope everyone has a good day!

Oh and thanks for the tip about wipes Tammy. They were essential!

Glad it went well, Potatoes and that you're feeling ok today.

Pebbles excellent new about your ovaries & treatment starting soon.

Had my day 8 scan today. 10 big follicles, 12 very small ones that don't look likely to catch up. Doc seemed disappointed, but didn't increase my meds.

He did, however, pull up my jumper without so much as a by your leave and have a good old squeeze of my midriff when I made a lighthearted comment about bruising from all the jabs. Somehow the outing of my poor trouser-marked, underside-of-shark-coloured belly with all its little green bruises felt even more humiliating than the big screen poo display of last time. Can't wait to see what fresh hell awaits me at the next appt.