Having a tough time tonight - should I stop doing this to myself?

[purplemeggie]

After two unsuccessful fresh own egg cyles and a FET last year, we decided that we'd go for DE IVF overseas. We did a fresh cycle in March/April, which didn't work out, but we were left with three frosties. I went back this month to transfer two more - one didn't survive the thaw, so we transferred the last two.

I tested this morning and got a bfn- a bit earlier than the clinic said, but it is day 28 today, so I'm sure it isn't a false negative.

We'd told ourselves that we would only do one "round" of DE IVF - i.e. one fresh cycle and as many frosties as we got. But I'm not sure now. On the one hand, I don't feel ready to move on, but on the other hand I'm not sure how much more of this heartbreak I can bear. DH isn't sure either, but has said he will support whatever I want to do.

It can be so tough, can't it. I'm sorry today is a shitty day for you. I don't know what you should do, but I do know you don't have to decide just now. You can have a while to cry about today's bad news before thinking about what is next.

I did have a session with the counsellor who works with my clinic when I first started this whole business, I found her really useful. Have you seen a counsellor? Might it be worth a go to talk to someone neutral but supportive?

Thanks Catnip. I'd quite like to have a session of counselling - not felt that I needed to before - but we've been having treatment overseas, so it's a bit more difficult to access counselling than with a UK clinic that's obliged to provide one.

You're right...I should take some time. I've pushed forwards at every stage of this, because we have a 7yo ds and I'm conscious of the ever-growing age gap. He's desperate for a sibling and I feel under pressure to provide one. Which is not to say DH and I don't desperately want another baby for us, too...

DH is working away from home at the moment, which is probably why I'm struggling with this.

Hello, how are you today? Did you test again this morning?

Hope your husband is home soon, it sounds like you need a cuddle.

Thanks Catnip - you're right: that's exactly what I needed!

Yes, DH came home last night - he's on a rubbish shift pattern at the moment which means he leaves for work at lunchtime and comes home at about midnight. I get up at 6 normally, so we're not seeing very much of each other...but I had a day off, so we had a nice lie-in this morning and a chance to talk a bit more. He's doing that for the next 3 months or so - not great for either of us, but there we are.

No, I haven't tested again...I probably won't test again until Friday, when I have my official blood test. I did this on the last cycle - tested a few days before, tested the morning of the blood test, so that I was prepared for the results. Last time I was absolutely certain it had worked, so I was glad I'd prepared myself.