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Original poster

It's all over

38 replies

bouncingbelle · 31/01/2015 13:06

Been refused ivf on health grounds. I don't ovulate naturally (tho managed once on clomid but miscarried). It's the end for us. I want my partner to leave me so he still has a chance of meeting someone and having a family. I,ve spent the last two days in bed crying and can't see a way forward.

I don't even know why I'm posting, I'm just bringing you all diwn. I'm sorry. I just can't imagine a future any more.

OP posts:
OnceUponATimeAgain · 31/01/2015 13:08

Oh you poor sausage
no words of wisdom, just a hug xxx

pocketsized · 31/01/2015 13:11

I'm so sorry to hear this OP, it must be such hard news and will surely take a long time to process.

I am sure though that if the tables were turned and it was a medical cause with your partner you would still love him just as much as you always did, and wouldn't want to leave. Is there anyone in rlthatyou can reach out to at this very stressful time?

professornangnang · 31/01/2015 13:58

I'm so sorry. Sending you an online hug.

nachohousekeeper · 31/01/2015 14:08

That sounds incredibly hard. Sending hugs and Thanks

Original poster
bouncingbelle · 31/01/2015 16:18

Thank you, it helps just to talk. I can't face anyone in real life yet.n

OP posts:
CatnipMouse · 31/01/2015 16:26

That's so hard. What were the grounds for refusing? When you feel able, do talk to one or two real life friends as well as internet people.

In the meantime, from a random internet person, have a hug x

tumbletumble · 31/01/2015 16:37

I am so sorry, bouncing Sad

Original poster
bouncingbelle · 31/01/2015 16:57

I'm in heart failure And they now feel I am too close to eventually needing a transplant to risk a pregnancy. Which Also rules adoption out.

It's the idea of a lifetime of Christmases without a child to spoil, never getting to go to a school play, never having someone to love unconditionally, always just being a couple and never a family. My partner would have made a wonderful dad and I've ruined this for him too. To those people who are brave enough to call a halt to treatment and accept a life without children,I'm in absolute awe of you.

OP posts:
Newquay · 31/01/2015 17:18

Are there other alternative avenues you can still explore for ovulation? I'm thinking of traditional chinese medicine accupuncture like Acumedic?

I'm also sending you a huge hug and hope for your future xxx

naty1 · 31/01/2015 19:27

Is that for nhs treatment or private too?

Andcake · 31/01/2015 19:41

Soy isoflavanes are meant to be natures clomid.

But really you need to work out how you feel. I think you need counselling a heart issue and this at once is so much to deal with.
I am so sorry for your situation.
Also you and dh/DP need a good honest chat but also you need time to take everything in. Nut you need someone in rl to talk to.
A un mumsnetty hug

Whoishillgirl · 31/01/2015 19:45

Oh OP I am so sorry. You must be devastated. Another online hug from me too.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2015 19:48

Would a surrogate be an option?

Theselittlelightsofmine · 31/01/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wtffgs · 31/01/2015 19:53

ThanksBrew

CatnipMouse · 01/02/2015 19:00

How are you doing today, OP?

Original poster
bouncingbelle · 01/02/2015 19:50

I didn't even get out of bed today :( yes surrogacy would be perfect but that involves a) a spare £15,000 b) someone willing to do it c) getting my almost 40 year old egg pregnant and d) 8-10 months of treatment/counselling all of which would take me over the age of 40 which is when my NHs clinic stops treatment. Sorry to be so negative, but it is something I discussed with my medical team on Friday and they weren't positive about the chances -less than 10% chance of it actually working.

My sister keeps trying to phone me and I keep ignoring the calls, what can I possibly say to her? That honestly, I just want to die?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/02/2015 20:19

Would you consider surrogacy with an egg donor? Sorry. I only ask as have a friend in a nearly similar situation. I would love to have helped her, but at 44 it's not possible Sad

magicpixie · 01/02/2015 20:28

so sorry to hear this bb
how about fostering?
would that be an option?

sounds like a child would be v lucky to have someone like you with so much love to give

or could you become more involved with nieces and nephews or friends children
?

or could you try clomid again?

fakenamefornow · 01/02/2015 20:37

Is your sister supportive? Sounds like she is if she keeps calling you. Phone her when you can, even if you can't speak when she answers. Sending you big hugs but get some RL support. I know this is a sadness you may have to carry always, but you can have a good life and will feel happiness again.

AlpacaMyBags · 01/02/2015 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fakenamefornow · 01/02/2015 20:42

Also this time just staying in bed crying, that might be just what you need, you're processing this and it's part of the healing.

Turquoisetamborine · 01/02/2015 20:45

So sorry hon. You don't need to come up with any answers at the moment. Could you push forward with your heart transplant then look at a surrogate with donor egg? I know it would probably cost but with a younger donor you'd have a really good chance. Would your sister consider surrogacy for you? Sounds like she's really concerned for you.

Original poster
bouncingbelle · 01/02/2015 21:11

Thank you for "allowing" me to just lie in bed and cry and not make me feel like I should be doing something. Sad

OP posts:
ourglass · 01/02/2015 21:13

Your poor soul. I am so so sorry. Obviously nothing I can say will help but I am thinking of you x