Starting IVF/ICSI this month - anyone want to join the journey?

[Rumplestrumpet]

After over 2.5 years TTC, we're FINALLY about to start our fertility treatment this month (ICSI). My nurse and husband forbade me from chats and forums, but after following MN threads over recent years I think it would be a great help to share the experience with those going through the same thing.

Anyone else want to share the joys/terrors of belly injections, hormonal madness and a series of medical professionals poking around your nether regions?! And, of course, hopefully a BFP at the end of it all

shellster got my blood test Friday so far haven't POAS but had a bit of a breakdown last night as was having brown cm when I wiped. Nothing on the liner tho. I know they say this doesn't mean your out but I feel like this is a failure so really down now and actually dreading Friday to have my fears confirmed. Just can't imagine it happening now

Gosh Nutty what a rollercoaster! I can imagine this must be so tough, but I've seen lots of positive stories - either of the weaker one catching up, or even if it didn't make it, of not affecting the other embryo at all. So I really don't think you need to worry about it (though of course that won't stop you!). I'm sorry the midwife wasn't more reassuring - some are just not very good at that!

Shell I'm trying to remember what we did during the 2ww, it seems so long ago! [TMI warning:] I'm pretty sure we DTD once, but it was very uncomfortable and not much fun - partly because it felt like he was hitting my cervix (I get this the days leading up to my period, so I was certain it was a bad sign), but mostly because those awful progesterone pessaries made it rather gross, and, strangely, made me very dry. So we tried once during the 2ww, once again just after the BFP, and then decided to wait until the 8 week scan before trying again. Very happy to report that it was much better after the scan with no pessaries, but still felt rather awkward. I think DH is terrified that our sex life has disappeared forever, as we've done it less than half a dozen times since starting treatment.... I'm not too worried - partly because I know that I'll be able to get it whenever I want it! But he doesn't have the same reassurance!

Whittle it's so hard these last few days, but hang in there. And don't worry about the brown CM, I had this too, it's old blood and doesn't mean anything at all. I've been reminded again of the benefits of a blood test rather than POAS at home - my cousin was also having treatment and was going to POAS but resisited and waited for the blood test instead. Just as well because it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy - she was so so glad that she didn't just POAS, as it would have shown positive, she would have been over the moon, only to discover a couple of days later that it wasn't to be. Now, of course, we're all hoping for a full on positive super-high levels of hormones for you in the blood test. Whatever happens, you'll want a reliable result. Best of luck!

Lil - I think once you're actually doing something it feels much better. I know I was over the moon when I was injecting because I was FINALLY doing something other than waiting. Plus you get checks every few days so you feel like you're getting somewhere.

lil I totally agree with rumples I felt so much better once I was injecting as I felt like I was moving forward and had a bit of control over the process not just spending days waiting for something to happen.

rumples thank you so much for your post I'm glad others have experienced the same thing. I think that's the reason I don't want to POAS in case it's a false positive don't think I could take the disappointment. Longest week ever!!

whittle when is otd?

rumples that's an interesting point about cp. I can't decide whether to poas every day from et (of course noone here would do anything like that ) or wait for blood test. but then I guess I don't actually know my clinic will do a blood test. I hate all the not knowing. 18pills to go now

what did you guys have to do with clinic other than inject between starting down regging and starting stims. I've just been told I have scan 14/1 but nothing about checks before that.

Friday lil. Once I started my down regs I didn't have anything for about 2 weeks then had my first scan the started my stimms and had a scan a week later then another about 3 days later to make sure I was ready for my trigger shot

I only had the short protocol, Lil, so it was just stimming for me. I think I had one scan to say all was good and I could start stimming, then one 5 days later and another a couple of days after that. Then we were good to go for the trigger.

The "best" thing to do is probably to wait for the blood test on the right day. But I don't think that's necessarily right for everyone. If you're overly anxious or distressed then the POAS testing can help alleviate that. Clearly it was the right thing for Hen, and I wonder if I should have done it sooner. But had it been negative it would have been heartbreaking. And had it been a chemical pregnancy, even more so. So really I think we all just have to cope with this any way we can. Preferably with chocolate

Good luck for Friday whittle I will have everything crossed for you!!
I didn't poas early as I couldn't bear the thought of having a negative and then having to do another one on otd

My next scan is on the 22nd December. Hopefully the news will be good otherwise Christmas will be hard to get through

Thinking of you all

I'm thinking I'm probably more like hen and need to know what's going on. I perhaps won't pee on quite so many sticks!

thanks for info on scans etc. sounds like I'm similar to you whittle. I have 1st scan 17 days after dr starts, then one 5 days later then another 4 days later on a Friday with ec the following week all being well.

nutty hoping its a good early Christmas present on 22nd.

nutty, I just feel so much for you. It is hard enough having to go through IVF to conceive with the possibility that it may not work and it will never happen. Your scan date is same as my blood test date. A long 12 days and I too am dreading Christmas if the news is bad.

whittle, I hope Rumples story provides you with some hope. But I can imagine that if it was blood and my period was due, I wouldn't like it.

Well today is day 5 of embryos life. Statistically, because it was ahead in cell division on day 3, it is less likely to survive to blast, but if it does, it is the strongest type of embryo of all and it's all systems go for pregnancy. It had better be the latter!

its about time they invented some sort of looking glass so we could see what was going on in there shell fx its a super strong blast. its about time your turn came around!

Totally agree lil on the looking glass invention! I spoke to my clinic this afternoon and my 3rd embryo didn't grow any further beyond the 5 cell stage it was at on morning of day 3. Felt so deflated. Really wanted to have that as security that I didn't need to pin all my hopes on current cycle.

The news also deflated any hopes I felt about my current cycle... if that 3rd embryo we watched grow in the petri dish wasn't any better than the any of the embryos from all previous cycles, doesn't feel like there's any reason the two inside me should be any different either.

I know, I know, that slower embryo has no bearing on two current embryos, but you can image after failure after failure, and then to get a phone call today about more failure, it really does get you down. Anyway, just wanted to have a rant about that here so I can hopefully move on from it.

shell we can virtually hold hands on the 22nd!!

With regards to your 3rd egg, don't give up hope about the two inside you. I had 5 fertilised but at day three only two were viable which were put back and now look at me!!! The other three had stopped growing, so we donated them to research. It certainly doesn't mean your two won't make it!!

shell you are incredibly brave to have gone through this so many times. I really feel for you. I think I would have given up by now, but you haven't, so hold onto the reasons why and focus on making those embryos feel welcome

I'm really pleased to see that everyone is doing well and have either made it to ET or in the TWW, I hope all of you get the best Christmas Present ever this year.

I had a scan today and I still have two large follicles waiting to go down but its Day 1 for me and the clinic have said I can start my FET (GEEP) cycle.

I'm so pleased as I was feeling pretty low not getting to ET, I know it was the right thing to do but still felt like I was missing something.

I start on 28th Dec and should hopefully have ET at the end of Jan.

They have decided to thaw one of our 5 day Blasts and was surprised that only 10% fail and that our clinics frozen cycle sucess rates are higher than their fresh.

So been having quite strong cramps this lunch time like I get when AF arrives so keep going to te toilet but nothing there. I did have some brown/greyish tinged cm which was mostly leftover progesterone gel coming out but should I be concerned this is me out? Sorry I know I keep askin the same stuff but hoping someone has had the same and a BFP?

The cm/gel residue was first thing this morning and nothing since

It's not over until the fat lady rears her ugly head, and as long as there's no AF, you're still in it Whittle . Incredibly tough, I know, but hang in there, not long to go now.

Fraz - great to hear things are going well and you have a new timetable in place. And fabulous stats on the frosties is really good, my clinic has that too and it's very reassuring.

Shell - don't listen to those monsters, it doesn't mean anything - Nutty is perfect proof of this! I know that it's different when you've been through this as many times as you, but this is your best cycle yet. Hope and pray it's the one for you.

I'm going offline for a few days, wish everyone the best in the waiting ahead!

fraz we can be cycle buddies - i start 28th and have ec/et end of Jan too!! (unless i do a fraz and end up with OHSS of course!! I have been told i'm at risk because of my AMH of 40!)

whittle there is really no way to know unless you a)poas b)see the witch arrive.

whittle, as lil says, there really is no way to know unless you get a preg test or period. Someone - on this thread? - had spotting and although I didn't say, I felt sad for her as knew it must her period and thought that implantation spotting would occur around 6-7 days post EC; not at the time her period was due. Yet she got a BFP. Of course, others get blood when their period is due because it's their period. Those last few days of the 2ww seem worst of all.

yes nutty, happy to hold your virtual hand on 22nd! Although that'll be day 32 of my cycle so I will definitely know I am pregnant when period is no show by then. Thanks to you,. lildottie and rumples for your reassurance from your objective viewpoints instead of my crazy 2ww mindset! You are right, I know. I think with my history of failure, it feels easier to prepare now so the blow is softened. Your story definitely gives me hope nutty.

fraz, what does GEEP stand for and what exactly do you start on 28th? And then you continue this for a whole month before FET? I thought you would do FET in line with a natural cycle? Excuse my ignorance, I am endowed with an AMH of 2.5 - not 60! So I have not ever had any spare embryos to freeze to understand the FET process.

Popped back to do some reading. Hello everyone.
I have finally stopped bleeding today! 2 whole weeks. That was shitty. God knows what's going to happen now, but I've read I'm unlikely to ovulate this cycle. Bummer. It's been so long since we've dtd, we've kind of lost our mojo.

Whittle. You cannot read anything into a bit of brown cm. I had absolutely nothing and I had a bfn. You've just got to hang in there. The progesterone will kept AF at bay though. Everything crossed for tomorrow.

Shell. You have got a bit of positivity deep down inside. Drag it to the surface. Yes, it's a bitch you don't have a frozen now, but you just can't do the maths. You know this. You need to believe it could be this cycle. We are all routing for you. xx

allchat I've seen people in other boards fet pg in cycle after mc so you may well ovulate, but probably not when you normally would. completely personal choice whether you want to start ttc straight away though.

shell how's that PMA doing? I got my xita west guided relaxation/visualisation today. I'm going to get pg on PMA alone yeah!!

Lildottie - are you doing a fresh or FET cycle?

Shell - GEEP is the drug used to get your womb ready for a FET cycle. I can't do a natural cycle as I don't have regular cycles so I'm having a medicated FET so the clinic can control my cycle.

I start on Provera Tablets on 28th Dec for seven days and then Buserelin Injections from 30th Dec.

They have to suppress your natural cycle basically.

my first ever fresh ivf/icsi fraz, you can hold my hand! I am already on bcp so start buserelin 28th

lil the PMA went well right up to ET. Kinda going out the window in the 2ww. Word of advice: I listened to my hypno CD as soon as I received it but then found I was tuning out and not as interested in the same repetitive advice during the stim phase when it was supposed to be used. So don't get yourself too familiar with that Zita West until 28th!

allchat, I can only imagine that I too would want to see the end of that blood to be able to forget about all that. I agree with lil that while you might not ovulate at the normal time, I think your body will ovulate before your next cycle as that is what will cause the uterus lining to thicken with progesterone and then for your progesterone levels to drop to actually cause your next period. No expert, but that's my two cents.

Frazoz. Thanks for the info. Never lucky enough to need to worry about FET as I never have any make it to freeze.

Hopefully I won't need to worry and all will work out this time. I plan to test on Friday 19/12 if no period by then as that will be day 29 of cycle and should not get a false negative. This week hasn't been as bad as expected but I assume time will drag even more as the date slowly approaches.

whittle think of you. Any more news??

Good luck for today whittle hope you get your bfp