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Teenage girls should be prepared not to expect it all

259 replies

BecauseImWorthIt · 14/11/2009 20:07

here

This has made me really angry.

Where is the education for boys? Why are our future citizens (female only) being told that babies/childcare are their responsibility only, whereas their male counterparts can, clearly, expect to have it all?

OP posts:
LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 10:26

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daftpunk · 16/11/2009 10:26

i'm sorry....didn't mean to offend working women...not my attention at all......i have great respect for them..

i was speaking about me....

Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 10:27

Because when you make a speech you don't aim to cover the ensemble of issues humanity still has to resolve! You concentrate on one or two issues max!

agingoth · 16/11/2009 10:28

Bonsoir, there are some things that are so essential, they have to be addressed- this matter is far too complex to be boiled down to an issue of women's individual choices.

agingoth · 16/11/2009 10:29

no problem DP, I also respect women who stay home, I just couldn't do it myself (or not very well....) I just think we all have to do what works for us.

daftpunk · 16/11/2009 10:29

sorry about if that made any sense...

ignore typos..

Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 10:29

Oh rubbish, it's a speech, not a political manifesto.

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 10:32

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agingoth · 16/11/2009 10:34

She is the head of a flipping Association fo Girl's Schools. What she says has political impact.

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 10:37

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Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 10:40

Speeches aren't about addressing all the multiple alternatives that life has to offer - they are about getting one particular point across.

nomoresleep · 16/11/2009 10:52

I think that telling these young girls to be prepared for the impact of motherhood is probably a bit like explaining to a 4 year old why they need to look after their teeth - in other words, stuff that happens in your 30's is probably just too remote for them to plan for.

However, I do think she could have been a bit more inspirational and encouraged them to get out there & change the world - after all, if this group of girls can't do it, then who will?

IMO, the key challenges these girls will face are that (1) it often takes till your 30's to establish yourself in a career, which leads to a dilemma about giving it up again so quickly if you want to then have kids and stay home (2) commercial and child-rearing worlds are poles apart, so it can be hard to combine them although that's what most of us try to do (3) as someone else said, the job of full-time motherhood is no longer a lifetime career, and a lack of pensions, risk of divorce, ageing population etc all add pressure for us to keep working and it's v difficult to go back into many jobs after staying at home.

Not sure what we do about (1) but I think we might deal with (2) to some extent if our best young graduates, male and female, insisted on flexible working options from the very start and not just to accommodate parenthood but simply for a better work-life balance. I also think if we could all genuinely have 'portfolio' or multiple careers it would help with (3).

Why can't she be inspiring them to find these sorts of solutions to what is a very complicated issue?

Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 10:53

I tell my DD (just 5) why she needs to look after her teeth. As does her dentist. She knows why she should.

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 10:55

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daftpunk · 16/11/2009 10:58

agingoth...

i rarely get involved in sahm/wohm threads.....because there is no right or wrong answer.....all down to personal choice..

but this is about girls expectations.....and i think it's right to tell them they can't have it all...no one can...

women feel so pressured into having children, i wonder how many would happily go through life without having dc....quite a few i'm sure...

but women have children because it's "expected".....we all fall in line...

and then we want to carry on working...

all too confusing...

nomoresleep · 16/11/2009 11:03

Ah bonsoir, I speak as someone who did not listen to my mother about teeth. Or motherhood. Hence I have bad teeth and am a working mother.

Bonsoir · 16/11/2009 11:07

Bolshy, are you?

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 11:09

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agingoth · 16/11/2009 11:10

I do know what you mean DP, it's just the assumption that men do get to (although I know you are arguing that if they work, they don't get the close relationship with kids that women do, etc)

When H and I had kids it was a joint decision. Tbh I am probably suffering now for doing it all as much equally as we could (with childcare of course) because he is now claiming equal residence!! But I do feel in the end far better for the dcs to have a father who is as involved as their mum.

That being said, I am thinking of taking a year off partly because I've missed so much of them growing up (for me really, not them, they seem quite fine atm) and I work p/t not H (though my job ends up being f/t hours really, grrrr).

So I see that in practice women DO give up more. I just feel how sad that we expect that to continue indefinitely and have to tell teenage girls they have no real choice.

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 11:10

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agingoth · 16/11/2009 11:11

leningrotto, quite right- women are now expected to work AND do most of the childcare. How many men (or women) now earn a 'family wage'?

Tortington · 16/11/2009 11:14

there is a presumption of choice running throughout this thread. V. middle class.

daftpunk · 16/11/2009 11:16

ikwym agingoth.....some would say i gave in....excepted i would be a sahm for ever....i didn't even consider working....i took all choice away...it made life easier..

for everyone...

dh likes me at home...

LeninGrotto · 16/11/2009 11:16

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nomoresleep · 16/11/2009 11:18

custardo - she is talking to girls who go to private girls schools - they are obviously largely privileged and do in theory have the 'choices' we are talking about