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Original poster

Why does the Times think it is ok to print this horrible article about "Breeders"

160 replies

MmeLindt · 19/09/2009 19:53

Shudder

I absolutely hate the term "Breeders".

Why do childless people think that it is ok to use terms like this? I don't go around thinking that I am superiour to them because I pushed a baby out of my fanjo. I would never refer to a childless person in such a derogatory way.

The comments are just horribly smug.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 20/09/2009 11:56

There's a w in retch in you're describing an unfortunate person. The act of heaving retch doesn't have one.

I agree, all women's articles make me puke, really. This is why I don't read glossy magazines or chick lit. All yuksome.

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 11:59

tbh,this style of journalism is designed to elicit a response.copy gleaned from clichés of yore

trellism · 20/09/2009 12:03

Ugh, it's one of those perennial articles written by a woman who has chosen to have no children and feels it necessary to justify her decision in the weekend supplement.

So you chose not to have any children. Fine. It's not a decision that requires any further justification.

Mind you, I like the term "breeder". I'm making a yellow sign for the back of my car that says "smug breeder on board."

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 12:05

usually any parenting article is bilious tosh

whether it is

give it all up mom
or never wanted an ankle biter,anyways

cherryblossoms · 20/09/2009 12:23

Off topic in a very random way but ...

I do like the breeders .

sarah293 · 20/09/2009 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MmeLindt · 20/09/2009 14:19

So is the whole "Breeder" thing a reaction to the smug-mummy syndrome?

There articles about how wonderful and fulfilled life is now that we have 2 DC, a Volvo estate, a bunting covered house and a second career selling twee kitsch to other Smug-Mummies, they get on my nerves. They must be unbearable to those without children, whatever their reasons.

I have friends who are childless through choice, and friends who have not been able to concieve, or not found a partner with whom they would like to have children until they were in their 40s. Both of these groups ask about my DC and are geniunely happy to see them/buy them gifts/hear about them.

I would be quite hurt if I thought that our childless friends were referring to us as "Breeders". As has been mentioned, I don't refer to them as "Barren".

OP posts:
cornsillk · 20/09/2009 15:32

I've got to have one of those breeder signs!

HerBeatitude · 20/09/2009 18:08

Oh ffs I spent 33 years not breeding and no-one ever insulted me or insinuated that my life was empty and dreadful for not doing so. Where are all these people who are constantly telling childless people to reproduce, I never met them - and I come from a barking conservative Irish catholic family. And even if I had, I wouldn?t think that that gave me permission to use a derogatory term about all parents. If I meet a black woman who bores me to death, that doesn?t mean I?ll feel justified in using the N word and I don?t see what?s so different about this. Dodgyseventiesgirl has it right, it's a dehumanising term and I am generally not in favour of people dehumanising each other, it doesn't make the world a nicer place.

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 18:45

overall,i find the article inane but i am not offended by it

honeydew · 20/09/2009 18:46

I spent 31 years not fucking breeding! Hello..... I've bee single thank you!I have a Masters degree and taught for 10 years in a secondary school. I can have a conversation!

Most single people want to get married and have kids.They spend their 20s looking for that person to settle down with!

This article is quite pathetic I think.

Many singletons are so rude to those with kids until they get there themselves!They get a true shock and join the real world of responsibility and survival.

I agree with MmeLindt that I don't refer to my childless friends a 'barren' just because they don't have kids? Young people need to be shown just what parenthood involves and how it changes you life to be a 'breeder'.

I talk about my kids because they are really an overwhelming responsibility that dominates your life. You never really sleep again once you are a parent.

It's those without kids who can't talk to those that do! My best friend is childless and he can't relate to me at all about my children and hasn't got a fecking clue what's involved. I don't blame him though or attack him for it!

Having children makes you grow up. End of.

lumnag · 20/09/2009 18:57

Well said HD. Having children does make you grow up and have different take on life. [well it did for me]
Breeders is such a vile term that it can surely only be used by really horrible people.

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 19:56

having children doesn't necessarily make people grow up, it does change things.but plenty kidults and fuckwits have children. the act of reproduction doesn't in itself bestow wisdom or maturity.

certainly,the majority alter priorities, do undertake the enormous responsibility. but unfortunately the minority don't

ElenorRigby · 20/09/2009 20:15

To may shame around 5 years ago, I was of the opinion that Children ruin your life. Children age you. Children drain you totally.
Yep I have learned being a parent is really challenging yet now...
my life is so much more rewarding now caring for my family, DD, DP and DSD.

I really could not be bothered with clubs now even though 4-5 years back I was a real party girl.
Now I see that time as hollow, indulgent and meaningless.

The author of the piece may never have kids but if she did, she would need to eat some humble pie to those who have been there!

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 20:18

i would like some hollow,indulgent hedonism - sounds v good to me.

SolidGoldBrass · 21/09/2009 00:58

Thing is, having children deosn't automatically make you a better person, or a happier one. Lots of people have children that they don't really want and aren't great at looking after, because of this pervasive myth that having children is just what you do, innit? And if you feel that your life before parenthood was hollow and meaningless, that's your problem, it doesn't mean that the lives of other people who don't have children are by definition hollow and meaningless.
FFS it's quite important to get across to teenage girls that there is more to life than breeding as soon as possible, so a few scathing articles about the boringness of breeders are actually justifiable even though they might wound the ickle feelings of a few people who can't handle the idea of anyone not being like them.

specialmagiclady · 21/09/2009 07:23

Am I about to out myself as a ghastly breeder, or am I about to admit to something that other people are perhaps a bit afraid to?

I have a few single female friends in their late 30s. They feel exactly like this woman. Perhaps not all the time, but sometimes when they're just feeling a bit depressed.

I also confess that I sometimes find it hard to start a conversation with them. I haven't worked in 5 years, I've moved house away from my old friends, I don't go out much (costs £20 to walk out my front door as DH works away and no handy grandparents nearby), I hardly read anymore - head hits pillow and I zonk, I'm up at 6.30 every day. My life is totally and utterly bound up with my children. I'm basically as dull as fuck. I'm aware I'm not allowed to bore on about my kids, I'm also aware that I'm NOT ALLOWED to ask "how's the love life?" and am very good at waiting to be told [now]. So I do sometimes find myself asking "been to any good parties lately"

And this is with my good friends, FFS! Usually after a few minutes we find the common ground in gossip etc. But it can be hard. From both sides...

WoTmania · 21/09/2009 10:32

Specialmagiclady - some of my friends have dropped me because of this. The thing is. It's your life now.
Other of my friends love hearing about the DCs as I love hearing about what they are up to. I concentrate on them and my 'mummy friends' as they actually find me interesting and have more to talk about than just their work and love life.

AvrilH · 21/09/2009 10:47

"i would like some hollow,indulgent hedonism - sounds v good to me. "

I'll join you, if you like

reality is, I don't have so much in common with single friends now. My life is dull, given that they don't actually care much about the latest cute things my baby has done, though they may politely pretend. They don't take teasing from me well anymore - now I am smugly happily married. I have no time to read. I too am dull as fuck. Hopefully not forever, but for now.

specialmagiclady · 21/09/2009 12:57

Other thing I would add is, when I'm searching for a frame of reference with these friends, I think back to the last time I was single. Ten years ago, in my late 20s. It was a time of fairly mindless hedonism, lots of snogging etc. It's been hard to realise that things aren't like that when you're single in your late 30s. Even then, there were days where I just wanted to curl up and cry, but I'm hardly going to say "have you had any Dairy Milk, sobbing and a Duvet* days lately?"

*longs, simply longs for a Dairy Milk and a sob into a Duvet.

AvrilH · 21/09/2009 13:02

My closest friends are single and complain bitterly that their families, especially, don't understand that single life in your late 30s and 40s is not what they remember from their teens and twenties. Meeting a new boyfriend without baggage is not easy, and the biological clock ticks on.

Leedsmumof1 · 22/09/2009 09:20

I was taught by HB at uni many a few years ago. She was pretty self-obsessed even in those days; turned up for every tutorial looking like a page out of Vogue, but didn't actually bother teaching us very much.

CommonNortherner · 22/09/2009 10:37

Yeah well, we all hate self-absorbed twats love but we don't imagine just because we've met a few in our teensy ickle whatever social class London-centric lives that everyone is the same.

fanjolina · 22/09/2009 10:42

Hannah Betts, for example, is a twat

Leedsmumof1 · 22/09/2009 10:44

CN - hoping you're talking to HB there rather than me