sorry couldn't resist posting all of this..
I think I am falling for CE!!!
"...Girl On The Sofa, (that's how I first talked about her on this blog, when she first started staying over at mine, when nothing was going on - honest... and now look at us !) has turned on the morning milking machine and is feeding the bab his brekkie in bed. Beth, our one year old German Shep, and I on the other hand, are forming a whole new kind of relationship. We don't know what kind yet, we're still working on that but seeing as we may be spending most of the next few years together we might as well get on with it.She raising a knowing eyebrow at me at the most poignant of moments and me aimlessly stroking behind her ears from time to time in a, "it's not about you and me anymore," kind of way. Ha ha.
Mum is already dead beat, bless her, which resulted in me carrying out my first genuine, it's for real and better be right, nappy change. It's now almost an hour ago since it took place and I think we're all still ok although the swaddling wrap was not the best the world has ever seen, suffice to say had it been a chicken fajita, one might still be searching for the chicken on the floor.
A lot of extremely sage advice has been coming our way via this blog over the last week, for which we are very grateful, last night I discovered myself putting one particular aspect of it into pratcice..
"Make the most of every second, they grow up so fast, faster than you can ever imagine."
I'd been home from work for about an hour, Tash was having a break, I was sprawled on the sofa, half lying down with my knees up, Noah was on my lap and I was resting him against them with his back supported by my thighs, I was holding his hands for balance and we were checking each other out. "I wonder if he might go off to sleep," I thought to myself.
Wouldn't that mean that he was happy and we could all get on with our night ?
But then I remembered what everybody had kept saying and I suddenly hoped he wouldn't. As it turned out Noah was way ahead of me, he wanted some us time as well.
He just stared at me quietly for what must have been the best of an hour. His eyes wide open, his mouth doing things all on it's which didn't mean much but at the same time meant everything.
If he had gone to sleep for heaven's sake, what would I have done anyway ? Read the paper, watched the news... big deal, no thanks, I would take this hour every time.. Whatever I was giving him, he was repaying me in spades. His magic permeating my very being, it was he who was giving me his time, attention and energy, not the other way round.
I can't help thinking life is going to be simpler for the next few years. We have a no choice enviroment here at home now and after the years of madness I've experienced that's actually a very healthy thing. Sure we'll be tired but we've been tired before.
It's all about Noah now and then mum and then me and Beth bringing up the rear somewhere in joint third.
In fact, thinking about it, because Beth is still a pup herself and will miss out on a lot of the bits of Tash she used to have before, I think she needs a bit more love than me. So, in truth, it seems finally I am where every family man should be. I am proudly last in the pecking order and I have to say it feels bloody fantastic."