Should we choose the sex of our babies?

[MrsDoolittle]

Guardian article I have been thinking about this all morning (first day of annual leave) and I am interested to see how other mums feel about this. Should we not let nature decide this for us? So far I haven't been convinced by any of the arguements for it.

hmc - I agree with you re:strong compassionate reasons in addition to genetic reasons. think everyone got caught up with arguments as to whether everyone wants one of each .

But hmc, I'd be concerned about why she wanted to choose a daughter so much in that case. There is a Scottish couple who lost a daughter and want one for that reason - you can't replace a lost daughter.

Winston's argument is that it's ludicrous to think that we can create designer babies, he (well, I think it was him!) was intereviewed at length on Radio5-Live tonight about it, it's extremely far from being possible. Such an absolutely enormous leap from a mere sex selection that sex-selection shouldn't be considred even remotely similar to the idea of designer babes.

and with some awful results for children of the Lebensborn program in Norway, who were treated like social pariahs

Isn't one of the women from Abba a result?

But Tinker - that is how she feels, and it would really help the healing process for her to have a girl. She loves her two boys passionately and she wants a third child, she would be thrilled with another boy but so ecstatic with a girl...and given the dreadful pain and loss that she has gone through I don't think she should be denied that.

yes. but her ?mum or ?gran (can't remember which) moved to Sweden when she was very young, so she escaped the worst discrimination.

Her dad was a German soldier. But he had a fling with a local girl, not sinister, I don't think

Some of those children were swept up in the system, glad she didn't. As were 'racialy pure' children from occupied countries like Poland. horrific stuff.

I would worry about the child in that case hmc, the expectations that would be put upon that child, that she would, even unwittingly, be treated as a replacement, not a child in her right. Doesn't mean I don't feel compassion, of course I do, but still not convinced that's a valid reason.

mummytosteven,

I always thought your nickname was mummytoseven until I saw your last post. LOL

I honestly don't think there would be much pressure on the child from that pov. She didn't know her baby girl - she was stillborn, so there wouldn't be a constant yardstick for comparison since her deceased sister was an unknown quantity

Sorry, that is just my experience.

If I fell pregnant again I would like to be surprised. And the baby would be loved.

I agree with Tinkers last post with regard to HMC's post about her friend. I have compassion but don't/can't feel comfortable with the whole wanting a girl because you lost a girl so would therefore reject a male fetus. I know you don't know till you are in the shoes, but I stand in the shoes of a mother who has a child with DS, knowing that millions of women abort children like my Lottie, and it's how I feel. Not judging your friend, or anyone, just a personal feeling. All love to you and your friend HMC but having a child with DS that is a condition people terminate their pregnancy because of, that's how I feel at the moment.

Gobbledigook - it was good to read your post

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I know a family who are seriously considering going to Australia and paying $6500 to have a girl.
They are a lovely family ... they have two delightful little boys ... but the mum wants a girl and doesn't want to run the risk of having a third boy. She says that if her youngest boy had been a girl she wouldn't consider having a third child.
I think this is both sad and worrying. How would the DS2 feel if he knew that was what his mum felt?
What if the process didn't work and they still got another boy?
What if they got their precious girl and she ended up going off the rails as a teenager and hated her parents and being on drugs etc ... wouldn't you just be opening yourself up to thinking "I wish I hadn't had her/spent all that money/had another boy" ?????
What if you seriously regretted it?

I will admit to desperately wanting a girl after I had DS. I did all the trying to conceive at a certain time of the month to 'get' a girl. I got pregnant ... I was convinced it was a girl. I lost that pregnancy and had a HUGE wake up call ... WTF was I thinking???? Who cares if it is a girl or a boy? A BABY/CHILD/LIVEHUMANBEING is what is important ...
So when I got pregnant again I didn't care what it was ... I just went through my pregnancy praying for a happy outcome with no complications .... I refused to find out what the sex was ....

I hate this!!! Really feel strongly against it, and I don't feel strongly against much to be honest.

What happens if the precious boy/girl is born disabled? So the dress shopping/football playing/whatever doesn't happen? Do we then send the child back? (incidentally I have no problem with people selecting a sex for reasons of avodiing/reducing chances of disability- just when they're set on having a partiucalr gender to fulfil their partiuclar fantasy. Fell like ghosty- poor child is born expected to live up to something.

There was a vile woman in the local paper who had 5 wonderful perfectly heallthy boys, but she went to America for IVF to have a girl. What made me sick was she seemed to think that becuase she was paying x amount then she would get the girl. And pre-IVF she'd told her boys they would have a sister born in whatever month! WTF? Anyway first attempt wasn't successfuly, but 2nd was. Personally I thought the whole thing was vile.

hmc- I think your firend's situation is quite common. My friend lost a little boy and is overjoyed to have had another little boy recently She wanted a boy. Big difference between wanting a boy and actually doing the whole IVF thing to get one though.

I wanted ds3 to be a girl, because the chances of autism would have been automatically reduced considerably. We found out the sex at the 20 week scan as I didn't want his birth to be a disappointment/worry if he was a boy- as he was. He's lovely (and not autistic!). I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a particular sex for whatever reason (although wanting a girl to dress them in nice clothes- as I've heard people say- is a bit on the shallow side) but I do think that actually thinking you should be able to choose the sex for what others have callled cosmetic reasons is wrong. I guess that your friend's reasons aren't really cosmetic (neiither was my preference for a girl), but personally I think its a step too far.

no, no, no!

No

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Why-are we Gods?

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