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Mother sues Daughter who wrote 'Ugly' the story of her childhood abuse

58 replies

beanieb · 18/11/2008 23:43

story

This is one of those 'please daddy no' type books which I've called 'Grief Porn' on here in the past.

I think it's interesting that the mother's lawyers say the author has to prove what she has written is the truth. I would have thought the publisher of the book would have needed that proof too, I guess that is why she is suing both! Massive mistake on the Publisher's behalf if they didn't get it!

OP posts:
pellmell · 20/11/2008 15:17

upwind- My experience on this as someone who did proceed through the judicial system is that I felt very much free from personal blame.

I agree with your post to a point because after seeing my father sentenced by a judge I also had the knowledge that my mother had "got away" with crimes that were in some way worse.

I chose to cut her off and any part of my life that brought back insecurities.
My self esteem has been completely boosted and I feel my childhood experiences have helped shape me into a person I am mostly happy to be.

Revenge or rather the feeling that I was trying to get revenge was a difficult one for me. I didn't like that element of the whole process.
I was helped through it by believing that I was making a difference (in a small way)by standing up to my abusers (because my mother was one too) and knowing I was doing it to do my bit to stop this happening to others.
I was ready for the court proceedings and helped along by a great family liason officer.

Upwind · 20/11/2008 15:27

I have every respect for what you have done pellmell - I did not mean to suggest that it would be wrong or a bad idea to go to the police about abuse, but that not everyone who has been abused will choose to do that.

Chirpygirl · 20/11/2008 15:32

I was goign to start a thread on this, I didn't go to the police/social services as the one time I told someone, they told me father and it made it worse, so I was very much afraid.
Now, as adults, 2 of my 5 siblings have 'no memory' of things that I saw happen to them, they are in complete denial.
I would not take anything to court now as an adult as it would just cause upset and hurt to my family (not counting my father) and I have dealt with it on my own, but would be happy to tell people what he did, don't see any reason why I should hide it.

Not saying that it happened to this lady, but I can see why these things might have happened but there is no 'evidence' of it. I couldn't show you any of mine either...is a tough one.

pellmell · 20/11/2008 15:49

Oh I know upwind

I suppose one of the problems is that the victim really has to trust that the case is presented in the best way possible(to achieve a conviction) or that the defendant pleads gulty.
I won't say I was lucky but it was a relief to know that justice was done.

Another positive side to this was that by me going to the police about my the abuse I had suffered personally, I was able to give leads about other possible victims.
At the trial he was conficted of abusing several young girls, none of whom came forward until I contacted the police.

When we were all there in the court I doubted very much that he would go down.
This was a historical from almost twenty years previous!

MascaraOHara · 20/11/2008 16:05

I read this.. I think in the book her siblings were always treated well by their mother

and either sometimes they were encouraged to be mean or they were punished if they tried to help her.. can't remember. obviously made a big impact on me.

dittany · 20/11/2008 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarb · 20/11/2008 16:14

dittany, presumably the daughter didn't send them a copy! It could have taken that long for her to have her attention brought to the book.

I have mixed feelings about this. People have been known to make this stuff up for attention, so why not for money too?

I'd hate to have to be the judge on this one.

dittany · 20/11/2008 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarb · 20/11/2008 16:19

Hmmm, I've never heard of it though.

Tortington · 20/11/2008 16:21

who reads this shit?

Swedes · 20/11/2008 16:22

Someone mentioned proving " beyond reasonable doubt". Acutally defamation is a civil case even though they use a jury and the standard of proof in civil cases is "on a balance of probabilities". A much lower standard of proof than used in criminal matters.

Chirpygirl · 20/11/2008 16:25

I did read an article on it last year when it came out so I was aware of it. Don't read any of this crap though, I have borrowed the phrase 'Grief Porn' before now as it's just bizarre to me that people read it.

Rhubarb · 20/11/2008 16:25

custardo has a whole bookcase full of these books. She loves them!

Tortington · 20/11/2008 16:29

i wrote them, i made shit up becuase whsmoth seem to have a hard on for them - dedicating whole walls to this tripe, whilst proper books like...terry prattchet have the bottom shelf. fucking disgrace

Upwind · 20/11/2008 16:31

It gives me the creeps how these misery memoirs dominate the displays of books in supermarkets

Rhubarb · 20/11/2008 16:34

custardo, take a look at the BNP thread, I have tea to make!

LittleBella · 21/11/2008 22:10

I think it's highly questionable to demand that someone who has had an abusive childhood deal with that, by going off to the police to press charges. Would you demand that a rape victim do the same? People deal with traumas in different ways and to pretend that the fact that she never went to social services or the police at the time, is the equivalent of telling a rape victim that because she was too traumatised to report the rape, she's making it up.

Sometimes, prosecution isn't the solution for an abuse victim.

I find it very odd that this loving mother has chosen to sue her daughter. If my DD wrote a memoir detailing her abusive childhood, I'd be shocked, horrified, stunned, etc., but I don't think I'd be suing her over it. I might have many responses - anger, fury, injured innocence, self-doubt etc., but the wish to actually involve lawyers in my relationship with my little girl? No, I don't think so.

Oh and in abusive families where one only child is singled out to be the black sheep and the other children are not subjected to the same treatement, it's bog-standard normal for all the other family members to deny that there was anything askance. It's perfectly possible for one sibling to have a happy childhood and another one to have a wretched one. Do people really not know that?

mabanana · 21/11/2008 22:17

Well, there is evidence that some of the things the author claims to have experienced and witness (eg seeing her stepfather in court/having medical treatment for injuries caused by her mother) simply did not happen, or happened when the author could not possibly have done them or witnessed them (eg happened when she was a a baby or before she was born) - which does go against her.
I'm certainly not calling anyone a liar, but if one of my adult children untruthfully called me an evil, depraved child abuser, and people believed it and it was not true, but people spat at me in the street or whatever, and she wouldn't listen to me and the publisher would not nothing, then I might end up in court out of desperation.

LittleJingleBellas · 01/12/2008 19:54

Interesting verdict today.

story here

NotanOtter · 01/12/2008 22:27

i empathise with Constance and would like to say 'WOO HOOOOO Go girl'

good on her having the strength to see this through and come out sane -kisses to her if i could ! x

Kitteh · 01/12/2008 22:51

When i read this book i didnt feel like it was the same as the other "abuse" type book.. I think it showed that coming from what she did, she didnt let it beat her.. and she has gone on to have a very successful life.. and i can gurantee the wages of a barrister and a high court judge she wouldnt need to just sell a book to make some money.. I felt she did it to show that you cant let you're whole life hold you back.. It isnt the same as "celebs" selling books and raising their profile..

LittleJingleBellas · 02/12/2008 21:50

I find it v. interesting that people are so hostile to adult children of abusers telling their stories in public, calling it "grief porn" etc. I wonder why?

LittleJingleBellas · 02/12/2008 21:50

agree her motive couldn't have been to make money or further her career - I don't suppose there's much kudos in the legal profession for having been the child of an abusive parent

basementbear · 03/12/2008 14:22

Sorry if this is a silly question, but since Constance Briscoe has won her libel case does this mean that the authorities could investigate and charge the mother with child abuse? Or does Constance have to press charges for that to happen? If she has won, then the court has basically decided she was telling the truth surely? I haven't read the book but from what I've read in the papers the mother deserves to be locked up.

beeny · 03/12/2008 14:30

I dont like this type of reading material.However having been a criminal barrister for 14 years,I can say it is very common for other siblings to go in denial.I have had mothers complaining that when thay were abused they didnt complain and cant understand why daughters are complaining about gfathers.I still get shocked at how many families are in denial.I have seen horrific cases.