Being too child-centric

[Judy1234]

Making a career out of the children, always putting them first, never saying no to them.... very different from where I am and how I am but certainly is how some parents operate.

Being laisser faire, letting them learn how to be board, letting them understand they don't always come first is good.

On another mumsnet thread I said we shouldn't always give children what they want and a few people were surprised I said it but I think it's true. Just because they want something doesn't mean they should get it.

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4212440.ece

Well I have to say - sports day at my ds's nursery was a revelation in this new concept to me of 'competitive/focussed' parenting. Up until now I hadn't really ever noticed it as none of my friends seem to suffer from it.

They had a cake decorating competition which was supposed to be for the children. I in my naivety bought a sponge, some ready mixed icing, some sweets and icing pens and let ds (3.5 yrs) get on with it.

The end effect was spoiled only by the fact that half of the cake had been eaten by the time it go to the nursey (Ds was mopre interested in eating then decorating said cake!)

The winner of the cake competition was a one that was in the shape of an animal, it was one of an array of cakes that lookes like they had been professionally decorated , though obviously still home made. Out of about 30 cakes, there were maybe 3 that looked like they had genuinely been done by children.

All I can say is that the children in my son's nursery have some fantastic cake decorating skills

I always just opted out of that kind of competition really and the children didn't seem to mind they might have the worst costume, worst cake etc. It just never felt important to me.

Our school just do not do any of that , our fundraisers do not even involve the children very much.

We have tea and coffees with stalls aimed at adults (virgin vie, jewelery etc) and bingo teas.

I think it is a shame but at least it saves any competion as there is far to much of that in our area with other areas,

Which shoes they have, what after school clubs they attend, what car do you drive and how clean your toilet is!

There are other questions specific to the area but I will leave them out.

Our school just do not do any of that , our fundraisers do not even involve the children very much.

We have tea and coffees with stalls aimed at adults (virgin vie, jewelery etc) and bingo teas.

I think it is a shame but at least it saves any competion as there is far to much of that in our area with other areas,

Which shoes they have, what after school clubs they attend, what car do you drive and how clean your toilet is!

There are other questions specific to the area but I will leave them out.

What an odd article. She starts off talking about not being too childcentric, which I agree with, and then wanders off to talk about SAHMs and whether one should ever talk about baby food. Strange.

As ever, MsDemeanor, I find myself agreeing with you. I think it's fine to spend mental energy wondering which bed to buy one's toddler, just as it's valid to wonder what to have for dinner. But mothers also expend mental energy on a vast variety of other things, and to suggest that we don't is rather insulting.

There's clearly a happy medium to be found here, but journalists are rarely interested in the happy medium. Much better to stir up one extreme or another!

squilly, I said so-called SAHMs because I was thinking of something else a the time - ah, multitasking - the so called should have been omitted . Hey, the summer holidays are less than a week on and I'm already going stir crazy.

People shouldn't have to justify why they want to either go to work or be at home with the kids (going crazy. ) There are plenty of SAHDs who do a great job after all.

Each to their own. Keep repeating it. And stop reading this kind of drivel. How much do you reckon she gets paid for something like that?

I thought I'd missed something. I often do!

Whatever she was paid to write this, it was too much!!! Half the people on this post could have written better and woudl probably have done so for free (or at least, for less than she was paid)

I thought when reading the article that it was clearly designed to be divisive. As is usual when talking about mothers in any context.

I despise this sort of article. And I despise the way it gives people 'ammunition' to justify their position and therefore bash others.

FOr me, the whole point of the article was to express an extreme and fuck off for trying to make us all argue amongst ourselves.

They get paid to be controversial I imagine. I don't know the fee - she was publicising her book and she didn't write the piece so presumably her book publishers fixed it up so I imagine Fleur B or whoever wrote it wdould be the one getting the fee.

I agree with the points Xenia has been making on this issue indulging a childs every whim is downright bad parenting a child should feel loved and secure not be spoilt rotten (that is the GP's job after all). But the article (as many have already said) was smug, confused and irritating, half-way through it morphed into a Private Eye pis-take - Mary-Ann Bighead and her brilliant tots Brainiella and Intelligentsia.

I could not recognise much of what she described (not brilliant and middle class enough I suppose). Although as my eldest is due to start school in September I suppose that is when I will be tested fully on how hands off and laid back a parent I can be...

If what the article was trying to say was not to spoil your child - I think everyone in their right mind agrees about not spoiling their child - no-one wants a spoilt child.

I just hate hate hate the way these arguements are presented. If you look back 10- years, articles talked about how it was the best thing to praise your children constantly and 'possibly' verge on indulging them etc etc They are just reporting extremes and very few people are extremes - they lurch from extreme to non.

I recommend not reading any of this total shite and learn from everyday experiences. i.e. you go to a party and DC acts like a spoilt twat. You try to amend behaviour. You go to a party and DC is so unconfident as to talk to a soul. You try and praise and encourage confidence.

It is not a constant. You need to adjust as situations arise.

Try not to pay attention to anyone who calls their 5-year-old sophisticated.

I think that thinking of your five year as 'sophisticated' is a real warning signal that you are over-involved in their lives and over-identifying with your child, actually!
Katie Roiphe isn't a journalist, and as Xenia said, would not have been paid for talking to the interviewer.