Being too child-centric

[Judy1234]

Making a career out of the children, always putting them first, never saying no to them.... very different from where I am and how I am but certainly is how some parents operate.

Being laisser faire, letting them learn how to be board, letting them understand they don't always come first is good.

On another mumsnet thread I said we shouldn't always give children what they want and a few people were surprised I said it but I think it's true. Just because they want something doesn't mean they should get it.

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4212440.ece

I don't see why being child-centric and still having a life are mutually exclusive tbh.

I work - I love my job - and yet we still co-sleep, breastfeed on demand, do positive reinforcement and ds gets pretty much what he wants (within reason).

Perhaps it's because he's still little, and he's not demanding the latest Nintendo/PSP games, or trainers or whatever. I hope that when he gets older he'll understand why he can't always get what we wants wrt that sort of thing anyway though.

Just read the whole article (skimmed)

I really don't identify well with the Times anymore. Grauniad it is methinks...(although I don't identify super well with that either)

God, I hate it when jounalists use "we" to mean our society, when in fact they mean "me and my journo friends".

of course you shouldn't give up your entire life for your children, and of course you shouldn't try to control every item of food which passes their lips or give them everything they want. But I don't know a single parent who does any of those things.

One parenting trait that does seem to be more common now than in the 70s / 80s though is journalists writing drivvel like this and illustrating it with a photo of their own children (with or without a caption that says "see? I must know what I'm talking about".

"I think it is related to the bitterness we have towards our men for not changing enough nappies or not waking up enough at night, or about who is really doing all the work. To me, worrying about that stuff is a pointless and boring expenditure of energy."

Only someone without a husband (like the journalist) or with servants (like most other journalists writing this sort of drivel) could think that worrying about the division of labour in the home - one of the crucial issues of feminism today imo -is a pointless and boring expenditure of energy.

Reading articles by middle class journalists with no connection to the world of most people has been a pointless and boring expenditure of energy for me this pleasant Sunday afternoon.

I agree with the article's broad thrust.

My three year old has just gone happily off with a virtual stranger, because said stranger just happens to have an Olympic sized garden, and trampoline to match.

He'll be back soon, I guess! I'm all for the Enid Blyton school of child-rearing, me.

I have a problem with, "I don?t so much see a deterioration, with brilliant women who give it all up, as an increase in obsessions and concerns about things that I don?t think are worthy of them"

Apart from the self identification, at least twice, in the article with so-called "brilliant women" which suggests they have the biggest fall to make in dumbing down their existence (if you're not brilliant, it must be a lot easier), she's failed to realise how fulfilling women, of whatever intelligence, find in bringing up children and it's only in her opinion it isn't worth of them, and that's incredibly judgemental of other women.

I've not got past the first para yet:

"The thing about being solely a mother was that it felt so physical. I was getting up at dawn, living on the rhythms of the earth, like a farmer, and I loved it."

LOLOLOLOL. Yeah, that's my life, just like a farmer's

Hmm, I to was bit at the night wakings and nappy thing, then when I read she had a nanny it all made sense, bet she has a cleaner too, back in the real world the mundane is really an issue for women. Thought it was quite badly written tbh, what was her point? She loved being sahm but had to go back to work so she didn't end up talking about baby food at dinner parties?

It's a good piece I'd say.

Why do this type of woman think that when you aren't at work, you can't talk about anything but children? You don't have a lobotomy when you have a child. I was able to read books, newspapers, watch the news. I didn't know this was unusual and I should have been pureeing food and fretting over the correct nappy bags .

And I don't think it says what Xenia wants it to say.

Senora, you are so right. 'We worry about the right toddler bed and fanciest coat', well, that's not me at ALL.

Fine, if it's an opinion-piece but part of the joys of parenting is that we all do it differently. Personally, I love kids so happen to find being a SAHM and child development quite fascinating and fulfilling - but I wouldn't say my life is all about her necessarily (well, won't be for ever, she is only 2 right now).

I think this piece is much more interesting than the usual stay at home/go to work debate. She's acknowledging the pull of home and the elemental nature of motherhood and the giving up and surrendering to the world of full time motherhood. And talking about her own fear of being staying with it for too long.

I didn't like the article at all, it doesn't reflect any mums I know. Was she trying to look hardfaced for the photo, or is that just her natural face when spending time with her child? Her approach was so wrong from the start she was never going to like being at home with her child- too materialistic and self-centred.

And yes, cocolepew, you are so right. Of course, it is also possible to talk about other things... just like everyone who goes to 'work' doesn't spend their life talking about work...

I think she thinks that some things aren't worth talking about at all. Not for brilliant women as she puts it.

And she loved being at home with her child. It's quite a complicated piece I think.

mine rareyl ever say they are bored

they often look it htough imo.

i cnat htink when one of them last said it

i think the article is odd
she has ONE POXY KID
hwos abotu 5
not a 9 year odl wanting to play cricket or a 4 year odl witha party ot go to
adn a full tiem nanny
shit she talketh

The article is very poor, from only one perspective but written like she has an insight to a common theme amongst mothers who stay at home. It reads more like a blog.

I do believe that people are more child-centric than they need to be though, children need boredom, I let my baby get bored as it's the only way he'll work out things for himself.

I don't remember mine ever saying they are bored. They're both good at keeping themselves occupied. Usually that's doing what I don't want them to do.

mine arnet good at it but its not a pahrase that comes to their lips
i suppose if htey are bored they watch tv#

liek i do

for a fleeting moment i was hoping on something more enlightened or novel, bored, me. now won't bother reading the article.

Mine often say they're bored.

Can't say I take a lot of notice....

My 6 yr old told me she was bored, the other day. My reponse?'Tough'.She found something to do.