How can a Mum Walk Out? Missing Mum Found After 20 Years - Went Shopping then Disappeared

[HK04]

https://amp.charlotteobserver.com/news/state/north-carolina/article314794103.html

Feel really sorry for her now grown up kids. There may be an explanation (illness, breakdown, affair etc) but the not knowing turmoil all those years and not wanting her location to be disclosed, must be so traumatising.

How can a Mum walk out on her kids?

ehaf do you mean by strange genes?

I used to think that but there could be a whole raft of reasons. Poor mental health, sexual abuse, physical or financial abuse. Drug or alcohol addictions. Hard to imagine for most of us.

@ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey I didn’t say otherwise….

My dad’s mother walked away when my dad was 6. My dad’s father was abusive and after a few years of that, she got the courage to leave. My dad never heard from her again till he was 30 and only because he tracked her down. She had a new husband and child and hopefully had found a measure of peace.

The problem is, my dad grew up in abject poverty at the mercy of an alcoholic abusive father. My dad understood why his mother left but he could never reconcile why she left him behind. The closest she came to an explanation was that my dad looked a lot like his father and she couldn’t cope with the constant reminders. Very painful situation.

But then as PPs have said, men do this sort of thing far more frequently and in general society just seems to accept it.

Doris Lessing walked out on her kids to be a writer. Never quite understood how revered she was, due to this.

My dad left when I was six, I never saw him or my paternal grandparents again, I'm 40 now. Maybe I should write a news article.

Some parents are just wastes of space, no matter what sex they are.

Who knows why she walked. Maybe due to abuse at home (from the husband), maybe she had a breakdown, maybe she just couldn't live her life that way anymore. Maybe she felt she couldn't split with the husband due to custody laws out there. My XH gave ME enough crap when we split only 7yrs ago.

I know decades back in UK, if parents split/divorced, the kids often were court-ordered to stay with the dad. Even a small handful of decades back, a man could have his wife sent to an asylum on a trumped up charge of lord knows what (not saying that this would have happened in the US in 2001!!!), but it may give an explanation for those women who walked a long time ago.

I feel so sorry for the kids not having a clear answer as to what happened and why.

Or she's just a complete monster. There is no excuse for putting them all through hell for quarter of a century. If she couldn't face it anymore, she could have let them know it was a choice.

Abusive husband + family / religious pressure to maintain the marriage = no support = choice between life and death.
Not everyone who walks out walks away because they want to, but sometimes they have to to survive.

Not every one is the same. I know a woman who simply can't see anyone's point of view but her own. Luckily she doesn't have children (AFAIK!) And is too old now. She does work with children though.

Do you call men monsters for leaving as well?

If you “can’t face it” you get help, you don’t just leave like it’s an option like leaving work and if things were so bad at home you don’t leave the children there. I’ve literally been in this situation recently. Didn’t leave 🤷🏽‍♀️

That's horrible. So cold hearted.
Leaving your kids like that is bad enough, but leaving them with an alcoholic abuser?! Can never understand this one, I hope your dad has managed to find some peace.

Offspring that from an early age are totally oppositional, difficult, disruptive and malicious. They grow up with a totally self centred attitude and will do anything at all to get their own way. Highly manipulative, cruel and self serving to the point of law breaking and worse. Grow into the sort of people that other people cannot be around.

What help was available for these Women forty, or fifty Years ago? Women could not even get help from the Police back then, even if they were getting beaten black, and blue by their Husbands.

She walked out because she’s now living as a man in a different state and knows that her previous family wouldn’t accept her. That’s why she’s said she doesn’t want them to contact her or find her.

absolutely nothing to do with her ex husband and I hope he wipes the floor with her in child maintenance payments that she’ll be due to pay. She left those children to become something she isn’t and has hurt them and the husband who taken the blame all this time.

If they disappeared for a couple of decades then, yes, I would. The difference would be that there wouldn't be a bunch of posters on here inventing scenarios for how those men probably did it because they were somehow the real victims.

didn't she choose to have three, all born years apart? Even if this is the case, it’s cruel to disappear with them thinking you died. Not even a letter saying you’re ok and explaining why. God forbid one of her children took their own life because they couldn’t handle the their mother being missing, possibly dead.

Leaving the children with the potential abuser? Leaving the other parent unsupported and bereft? Nobody walks away because they want to? Citation needed for that one.

My friend's mother walked out when she was 9. She sent a couple of birthday cards for the next 2 birthdays but then ... nothing. Her father eventually married someone else, and friend has a good relationship with her stepmother.

I had an emotionally abusive mother. We both think that I had the worse "deal". But it's a close thing and we've both been pretty screwed up by our mothers.

Who would have thought that a trans identifying person would be so selfish as to assume that their feelings are the only important feelings? (Sarcasm.)

Is that actually reported anywhere or just your supposition?

It’s been reported everywhere over there. Even the locals have said it .

I read that many women go missing trying to escape an abusive RL. Although how they can leave DC behind ,I dont know.The lady here has asked for her location to be private ,so more than we know I guess

I feel awful for her children. Some people just shouldn't have children. Women simply not wanting children is something that is more understood now than even twenty years ago, which is why we should never ever take abortion rights for granted. I am one such woman, children are hard work and damn boring, and mothers are expected to do far more than fathers are: in some ways, for good reason as there is more of a biological bond. A mother who abandons her children will always be judged far more harshly than a father.