Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
News
Original poster

newborn IVF twin girls abandoned at hospital because they're not boys.

125 replies

wannaBe · 29/05/2008 07:51

shocking

"The husband then asked how soon it would be before his wife was fit enough to fly out again for further IVF in the hope of getting a boy to continue the
family name.".

They should bloody well have their passports taken away to prevent them flying out to have any further treatment. After they've been charged with abandonment that is.

OP posts:
womblingalong · 29/05/2008 10:02

Horrific,

They should def be charged with abandonement. Those poor babies, I wish I could just scoop them up.

Upwind · 29/05/2008 10:03

"they may be a problme to place as SS will expect them to go to a family with the same ethnicity and there aren't necessaroy so many non-white adopters out there."

I never imagined they would really reject potential adoptive parents purely on the grounds of ethnicity

TinkerbellesMum · 29/05/2008 10:04

Kewcumber I don't think they will have that much problem finding a family. Mum works in this area and has had several families for a child. She's working on placing an Asian family at the moment. She has never failed to match a child with a family that reflects it's ethnic group.

Piffle · 29/05/2008 10:06

if theyvreturn to the uk god forbid with a baby boy social services will be on their tail asap.
unreal I remain culturally sensitive and understand but in this day and age and in this country am truly shocked.
however at least babies left in safe place. Christ knows what would have happened if they'd left with them.

TinkerbellesMum · 29/05/2008 10:06

Upwind, they won't reject any family for their ethnicity but they will be matched with a child that matches their own ethnicity. A white family will be considered for a white child, not for an Asian child so there wouldn't be any rejection there.

Hulababy · 29/05/2008 10:07

If this is all true I hope that they are unable to get pregnant again, even with fertility treatment. They don't deserve it.

stitch · 29/05/2008 10:08

that is totally horrible.
but i find it strange that they didnt have a sex test done before the babies were born.

i think it may well be the woman who is more adamant about havng boys, than the man. idoubt if she is under any pressure.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2008 10:08

thats nice to know tink.

Upwind, often social workers will not place mixed race children who had a white single mother and didn;t knwo their father with another white singel motehr but want a set of parents who represent their genes... and then because they can't find a match the chidlren go to white foster carers and they stay in the system until they become virtually unadoptable.

I beleive the london boroughs are the worst for this kind of attitude.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2008 10:10

there are many many children in foster care available for adoption but not matched because they can't match ethnicity.

Original poster
wannaBe · 29/05/2008 10:10

"that is an uter disgrace and another story about this country which makes me very very sad.". Not sure why it's relevant to "this country"? if anything it's more to do with other countries where this practice is considered the norm, and now it seems this practice is being imported from said other countries.

Is it any wonder that some cultures are viewed in such a dim light?

I don't see why these parents should have to relinquish their parental rights - the babies should be placed in care with immediate effect and the parents should never be allowed contact.

furthermore I think their passports should be taken from them and they should never be allowed to leave this country to prevent them from seaking treatment/abandoning their babies elsewhere.

Presumably though these babies will have been conceived using doner eggs? After all at 59 it's unlikely the woman would be producing healthy enough eggs to result in healthy embrios, so someone will have selflessly gone through invasive treatment in order to allow this couple their throw-away children. Either that or someone out there is making money from the process of egg donation.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 29/05/2008 10:13

i cant imagine a woman upping and walking away from her babies and not being torn apart

she must be under pressure from husband surely

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 10:14

this really upset me. i cannot imagine walking away from your babies so readily.

i hate the fact that gender seems so important.

Upwind · 29/05/2008 10:16

"there are many many children in foster care available for adoption but not matched because they can't match ethnicity."

Kewcumber that is utterly disgraceful. Surely babies or children for adoption should be put with the adoptive parents who can best meet their needs regardless of ethnicity! That children languish in foster care because that ethnic box can't be ticked makes me really

fymandbean · 29/05/2008 10:16

I just can't imagine being 59 and 72 and trying for a baby.....

Hope any future children (boys) are removed TBH....

stitch · 29/05/2008 10:19

nature versus nurture.
i read a book a few years ago, 'may ou be the mother of a hundred sons' by a woman who had spent a year traveling n india with her husband, looking at the way women lived. in one area, there were almost no female children. the reason? no one did anything as crude as infanticide, they just didnt care for the female babies in the same ways as male babies. so, for example, the males were breastfed on demand, whilst the femailes only when all other chores completed. obviously lots died.
to my mind, that sort of neglect is harder to comprehend than simple abandonment. yet, the entire culture there was involved in it. not just the men.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2008 10:20

Upwind - it is far preferable that children are matched with parents of the same ethnicity, but if that is not possible I think there shoudl be some kind of age guidleine or matching time when SS then have to look at alternatives eg paretns of a different ethnicity but perhaps extra training thrown in. Any loving permanent family is better than none. IMVHO of course.

TinkerbellesMum · 29/05/2008 10:20

Kewcumber fortunately it's not that bad here.

We know a social worker who trained at the same time as Mum, she is white and her ex is black, they had a son they adopted a girl and then when they split up she adopted a boy. Both adopted children are mixed race.

nailpolish the way that some cultures view babies can over ride their maternal instincts (the Romans are a good example).

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 10:21

also it was on the news that they are planning on going straight back to india to have more ivf.

maybe more girls? imagine the strain on your body being that age and pg so quick again?

those poor babies.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2008 10:22

bizarrely I can get my council to approve me to adopt a child of a differnt race if they aren't British but not is the child is.

stitch · 29/05/2008 10:22

kewcumber, why is ethnicity so important? am i being completley naive here? okie, i wont know hoe exactly do to the hair of a black girl, but i can learn, and other than that, how can bringing up a child from a different ethnic background be different to bringing up one from your own?

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 10:23

its about culture and role models i think.

nailpolish · 29/05/2008 10:24

what did the romans do, Tink?

those villages with hardly any female babies, what was the ratio in adults? surely there must ahve been lots of single men...

TinkerbellesMum · 29/05/2008 10:27

Because it's part of a child's cultural identity and you take that away by giving them to a parent that isn't of the same background. There's more to it than how to do someone's hair. It is also harder for a child to get a sense of belonging when they're with a family that are so obviously different from them. There is a reason we look like our family.

There was a guy (a bit before my time) who worked for "That's Life!" who was adopted by a white family and he ended up killing himself because of how messed up he had been by it. He had a lovely family, but it wasn't enough for his cultural identity or sense of belonging.

jingleyjen · 29/05/2008 10:27

this is very sad
I am astounded that having had IVF they didn't go the extra mile and only choose to have boys implanted. (NOT THAT I AGREE WITH THAT it just seems a less horrid option)

Kewcumber · 29/05/2008 10:28

becasue children develop their self-esteem from looking at their paretns to start with (literally). There is a danger that your child doesn't develop a sense of self worth becuase all teh people they love the most don;t look like them (and thereofre they don;t identify being worthy of love with their sking colour, face shape etc).

We also live in a racist society and its much harder to guide your children (imagine having an asian teenage boy after 9/11) in how to deal with it when its somethign you have no experience of. I recently was completely at a loss to response to a racist commetn to my lovely boy, simply because I'd never had to deal with it before.

Of course hopefully uyou can compensate. But your child always looks differnt to you, you don't look to the oputside world like a family, people feel entiteld to come up to you in cafes to ask if the children are your's of if they are adopted. Some children find this sense of not belonging very very hard.