David Cameron thinks we should tell off other people's children - do you?

[TheDullWitch]

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/education/article3308629.ece

Or do you fear getting beaten up?

Beaten up?

Um, no, more like beaten to death or stabbed to death.

Once again, he's talking mince.

I find even the posh parents get shirty, if you, politely tell their kids not to throw sand at your child.

Yeah right. He has no idea does he? Guess when you are walking aroudn all day with body guards you forget that teenagers could quite easily kick your head in, if they are happy enough to break property....

Must say I struggle with this at toddlers groups etc for young kids. It is a tricky one, how to politely deal with a child that kicks adn bites others, adn it's mum is too busy eating biscuits to care....

Well in theory, of course it's a good idea. But it won't happen in reality.

I believe quite strongly in collective parenting. I think it's the best way to instill in our kids a sense of respect for their elders.
Everyone seems so prissy about their kids being told off these days. It's a shame.

Yes please. Line 'em up. I've already told mine off and I need some volunteers.

I find it a bit odd that he comes out with this, really. First of all, he is so removed from reality. How often do you think he finds himself in that situation, on his own, and needing to confront errant youth? Secondly, all this talk about getting people (such as single parents in council housing) working, then complaining that youths are not being raised right as their parents aren't there, so the general public needs to step in. Anyone else think that just maybe this is a bit conflicting?

I've told other children off.

And I'd hope someone would say something to mine if they were really pissing about.

It's the way you say it I think, rather than anything else. One bloke did have a go at dd once and I thought that was a bit much but he was aggressive rather than being responsible iyswim.

No. Not tell off. redirect, distract, suggest, guide away all that sort of thing. But telling off is disciplining and I wouldn't do it. You don't know child's history or parents style of approach.

Someone barging in there and saying "don't do that it is naughty" would piss me off for example. Plus if the child is struggling with behaviour, had a crap day, sn, etc etc it could be inappropriate to tell them off for say shouting or having a strop.

Sometimes other people do "tell off" my daughter in front of me. Invariably, they contradict my way of parenting my child - it drives me crazy when some random adult tells her she is "wicked" or that "she should obey her mother". It is just none of their business.

I'm sure you let them know that, Anna.

Oh god I am a dreadful surreptitious teller off.

I have a very intimidating stare, as well.

And I have braved the scary (pre) teens in the kids' playground.

And I had to be restrained from telling a vile, vile, little shithead of a child who had consistently made my child's life a misery that I would come in the night and dig a deep deep hole and his parents would never find him.

Instead I told him I could see him when he couldn't see me.

I would expect someone to tell my DS 'no' if he was being naughty and I was not around/within seeing/hearing distance to do it myself.

Don't see the prob with the theory.

However, people are FAR to stroppy nowadays and you are likely to come to blows with another parent so I probably wouldn't.

oh god it sounds like he's read a few of my threads re community parenting

It used to be normal.

I think it should be ok to tell off other peoples kids, if they need it, and their parents have not noticed what they are doing. Bit different with teenagers though - I would think twice in case they all ganged up on me ! I told a little girl no the other day at toddler group, as she kept trying to yank 8 mo old ds up by his arm, and the week before bit two children, and has pinched ds on the face once when he was only 3 mo. The mum is lovely but she is always chatting and never watching her child. Several mums have gone over and informed her what her child has done, and she always takes it well. If we didn't say no she would be running amok attacking all the babies !
Don't mind if other people tell mine off if I didn't see them do something.
Its called a responsible society, it would be nice to live in one where children respect adults !

I think it all depends on the specific situation. I have certainly told off some children but others I have decided it would be in my best interests to leave well alone.

In an ideal world we should be able to discipline other people's kids, as people used to be able to do. It's tragic that the breakdown of society has gone so far that people are in fear for their safety and have to turn a blind eye rather than give kids a rightful telling off.

I think David Cameron should be told off. He should be disciplined for smuggery twattery.

Does it really matter if someone else uses a different style to the one you would use when telling a child off? Sometimes getting the message from an adult other than its parent/teacher might reinforce the message better. I think my kids get fed up hearing me say the same thing over and over. The more other people are also saying the same thing, then message may get through. I can still remember a stranger giving me a very stern ticking off for nearly running into the road when I was younger , haven't the faintest idea what age I was. Obviously made a big impression on me and didn't traumatise me in any way. Even if another adult did give a different telling off to the one I would normally give I would feel confident enough to explain why this might be to my child later.

Community parenting is a good ideal. The community approach requires a bit of community agreement and feeling however. But we don't have agreed approaches about parenting and we don't even have agreed methods of disciplining or what counts as bad behaviour.

Eg,

I don't shout (much ) at my dcs so I'd be well miffed if someone did.

I be fuming if someone smacked them.

But both those things are acceptable forms of discipling according to some parents.

I don't think my dcs asking adults direct questions is wrong, nor do I mind if they challenge my reasons for doing something.

But plenty would see as answering back. Which is bad. I don't think my dcs should be told off by someone just because they asked a reasonable question but there are children and the other person is an adult.

Respect for all yes, obediance for all authority because they are grown ups. Nah bollocks.

Having said that, I can't think of any time I have told someone else's child off, and I certainly don't think I would tackle a teenager. My SIL would though, and has done in the past eg for dropping litter. I admire her for it.

Not if their parents are there to do the job!

I have told 15 or so 'yoof' loudly congregating late outside my elderly neighbour's house to find somewhere else to be as she was frightened and my los couldn't get to sleep. The girls were "Oh here she comes" but once asked the boys were perfectly reasonable. But I wouldn't have let my dh go out to them - he is 6ft 2 - whilst a shorter, frazzled mother in her pjs isn't exactly threatening!

I have also, with another woman, thrown out 3 feral kids out of the ELC store who were booting balls at all and sundry, (narrowly missing ds) and knocking over displays. The staff & other parents just looked away.

I do think society could be more proactive but completely understand ppl's caution and fear, particularly as posts on here will probably show, parents are very adverse to others correcting their child's behaviour, which makes you think why did I bother?

That said, if behaviour is harmful to self or others. Obviously the appropriate thing for any responsible adult to do is step in. I would be gentler than telling off. I might say "no" but I'd more likely phrase it differently. But that's not a biggie TBH If it is to avoid injury a shout is of course understandable.

But Slur, shouldn't we at least teach them to answer back/challenge politely and constructively - not easy to do though!

I have told

toddlers gently that something isn't nice, or to wait their turn, or 'no we don't hit/kick/bite'

small children to take turns, to play fair, to not screech

young boys to calm it down, to concentrate, to pay attention

young girls to not shriek or to be nice to each other

adolescents to stop playing football against my house

teenagers to pick up litter .. although would be careful in terms of groups of teens as I think they can dangerous .. and I think this because not enough people do any of the former or believe that anyone else has the right to ever do that to their children

and I would thank anyone who did the same with my children

I would never use physical force in any way against someone else's child unless it was to prevent harm to them or another or to cuddle a hurt whilst parent/carer gets over

My dd does. And of course, I talk to her about how to be polite and respectful. Another adult could also do this if it came up but it wouldn't be a telling off - it'd be conversation and guidance. That's fine.