Domestic violence. Minor assault. Custodial sentence?

[GreedyGecko]

I'll try to keep this short. Last week DP assaulted me. I came out wiht a couople of bruises on my back and a couple on my arm. He was arrested as soon as police arrived. He admitted the assault in interview. Was very upset and apologetic. Had initial hearing yesterday, pleaded guilty, again very upset, stressed how sorry he is. He has now been told he is looking at a custodial sentence. This seems really harsh to me, especially as I was told by several different sources it would either be fine & compensation or anger mgmt classes.

Are they just trying to scare him? Or is he really likely to be looking at time? I feel sick thinking that he may be going to prison, especially as it'll be Winchester that he goes to.

not sure why i've put this here .

Have copied this to legal...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2230/420311?rnd=1194559907658

Hi GG - I am a magistrate trained in dealing with domestic violence cases. The likelihood is that the magistrates have referred him to Probation for a report to be prepared on him, and the threshold will be custodial, but depending on what the report says about your DP he may be sentenced to a Community Order, which could include unpaid work, group therapy, anger management and so on. He would not be fined for a domestic assault.

You seem astonishingly calm, to be honest. Physical, verbal or emotional assaults on family members are not acceptable and the courts will treat each case very seriously indeed.

Do you have children? Has he done this before?

I know it must be difficult for you, but you also need to protect yourself and your kids from being exposed to this sort of thing, if you want them to be happy well adjusted people when they grow up.

Monkeytrousers, no this was the 1st time (and only as we are no longer together). Totally out of character adn provoked by me sleeping around.

Yes, 2 young boys (2 & 6) who were unfortunatley witness to the assault.

He is a tosser and you did NOT deserve what he did to you. Not ever. NOT ONE TINY BIT. You are not together and therefore you are entitled to sleep with whoever you like. And even if you had still been together, sleeping with someone else DOES NOT JUSTIFY PHYSICAL ASSAULT IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Not provoked, Greedy! Provocation implies that you are to blame for him hitting you, and you are not, even if you've slept with 25 men!

He is to blame, in being unable to control his anger. Everyone has to face situations that make us angry in life. But we don't all punch the person that's made us angry. It's immoral, and illegal.

We cannot make people do what we want, because they are scared of what we will do to them. That is the bottom line.

Sorry Greedy, I also wanted to say that you are brave, strong and very admirable for calling the police. I do understand that it's all very, very hard. My previous post was not intended to be critical of you, I really hope it doesn't read like that..

A man who attacks his wife and does it in front of his children to boot is a loathsome creature. I hope he does get a custodial sentence. If he is let off lightly, what sort of message does that send to your poor boys?

Hi GreedyGecko, so sorry to hear of your difficult situation.

I'm a Probation Officer and write reports regarding DV offences. What I look at when making sentencing recommendations is a) whether there is a pattern of behaviour; b) what level of acceptance/responsibility the man displays; and c) what are the risks to the woman/children if he remains in the community.

Given what you have said, I would most likely recommend a Community Order with Supervision and an assessment for a domestic abuse programme. The purpose of this would be to enable him to understand why he chose to be violent (in my opinion there is no provocation that justifies domestic assault in front of children, and I would be working to get him to realise that too) and to provide him with non-violent conflict resolution skills.

In my experience, it would be unusual for him to get a custodial sentence for a first offence of this nature, though it does of course depend on the bench on the day.

It's interesting that you state that this only happended because you have recently split up - statistically this is the riskiest time for women. Without some sort of intervention it is likely to happen again, tragically, so I'm sure you don't need telling but your safety and that of your children must come before any apologies/attempts at reconciliation on his part. Sorry if that sounds patronising, I just get upset when I hear how many women are repeatedly vicimimised by apparently 'sorry' men. Good luck, I hope you get the best outcome for your family.

Domestic violence means that where you should be safest is instead where you are most likely to be harmed. That crime must incur suitable consequences and the law has determined that a custodial sentence is a possibility. The situation of the man who assaulted you is not your fault nor is it within your scope to control. Are your kids ok -must have been scary for them as well as for you.

Good post Indulgemeplease. (though slightly query the qualifier 'in front of children..)

It seems that men who attack the women closest to them are treated very leniently indeed.

Yes OneBatMother, as I read that back I thought it sounded like a bit dodgy, as though one might be able to justify it as long as it wasn't in front of the children. That wasn't what I meant, naturally. There is no justification, ever, in any circumstances. I do think the children witnessing adds another layer of victim issues to consider, but it would still be totally unacceptable if no children were present.

Fortunately, I haven't had 3 glasses of rose when I write my court reports!

The courts do view domestic violence more seriously than non-domestic violence, because of the breach of trust and the "safety in your own home" element.

I suspect that the court has ordered an all-options report and your ex has been warned that this could involve a custodial sentence. Whether he gets that will depend, to a large degree, on the report compiled by the probation service, although the bench is not obliged to follow their recommendations. So, even if probation recommends high-level community service, the bench can still opt for a custodial sentence - they have the option of suspending that sentence so that it hangs like the sword of Damocles over the offender's head to ensure there is no repetition of the offence.

GreedyGecko - all ok?

Hi yeah, fine here thanks onebatmother . I have read all your posts everyone, and will reply properly tomorrow. Been working, just got in, off to bed in a minute.

Hi GG, how are things?

When is the next court date?

in my experiance sadly he will be given a fine and told he needs to take anger managment classes althgouh tehse are rarely ordered by teh court, just suggested.

maybe if complete wankers like this were given custodial sentances then people like us wouldnt have to be beaten time and time again.

please will you seek alternative accomodation whilst he is at court. please do not tell him where you are and please pray that he is sent to jail for a very long time so you can get on with yoru life away from violance

Hi thanks everyone for your replies. He's back in court beginnning of December, so hopefully some sort of resolution then.

NorthernLurker, yes boys were petrified, thats what hurt/angered/upset me more than the violence. ds2 is only just 2 so at least those memories won't stay with him, but ds1 is 6, so he's going to remember it. He's been ill twice this last week and had a nightmare tonight. He's very rarely ill so for him to be ill twice in such a short period makes me wonder if it's because of everything thats happening rather than actual illness.

Onebatmother, don't worry I didn't read your 1st post as critical.

I have to say I do feel so much better now, things are actually easier at home, I'm sure I won't be saying that after 6 months as a single parent! I'm just getting a little fed up now with a few people saying that we'll 'work things out' (his mother moslty).

Good on you GG, you sound very upbeat and positive. I hope your eldest feels better soon, lots of TLC for you all I hope. Have you got some support from your family/friends?

Friends have been great. ds1 is at a small school, so we all know each other and all get on, everyone has been really good and supportive. My parents can't do enough for me (quite irritatingly at times!). I've suddenly become their little girl again. Seriously though, they've been great, I know I can call on them anytime day or night and they'll be here asap.

Well xp was in court today. He received 12mth driving ban, reduced to 9 if he does the rehab. For the assault he received 18mth supervision order & 100hrs community service. They were going to fine him for the DUI, but waived this after the legal advisor(?) suggested they shouldn't as the DUI was as a direct result of the argument we had, so should be treated as joint offence, not 2 seperate ones. (AFAIC no matter what's happening you shouldn't get in a car after drinking, no excuses). She also got them to say if they were awarding compensation,which they decided not to, as it was 'not appropriate in this case due to the provocation'.

oh FFS

I hate the courts - where is the bloody JUSTICE in the mental damage done you you, the kids (and yes - the 2 yr old too) and the message for everyone else?

My ds was 6mo when I escaped - he is still scarred mentally; please just monitor your boys and watch for any adverse behaviour - deal with it as normal but just beware that a 2 yr old CAN absorb such things and most probably did.

Ignore his bloody mother too - my ex's dad rang my mum after ex punched me in the eye (the angle meant I didn't go blind - if it was straight-front punch I would have been)... the dad said "oh well, at least there's no permanent damage"

What about the damage internally - I'm still not fully over it all but that is another thread! Tell his mum to butt out next time

Hope you are ok and take care - come and say hello on lone parents if you haven't already